Grokking God

New Blog

2009-10-25T11:01:00.000-07:00

Thank you Josephine Wall for your beautiful work!

Hello to any wandering souls here in Blog Land. If you have an interest in what I am writing/sharing these days, you can find me over at "Waking up on Earth".

Happy wandering!

Eileen Meyer (Em)

Exploring Now

2007-05-08T18:00:00.002-07:00

Hello dear friends. I know I have been slowing down here over the past few months, but it's because life has been taking me in new directions. I'll be spending a lot more time in Northern New Mexico starting this summer - doing some teaching, recording, and spiritual (inspirational) work. I will blog again... from some future time... some future where... some future view.

My best to you,
Eileen

Headed for Wholeness

2007-04-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

Over the past three days I have been feeling an intensity of energy building in and around me. It's almost overwhelming at times. Being empathic, I've noticed that my body is very much attuned to the collective human feelings as well as to Mother Earth. I'm not one for making predictions but I do feel like something is up. It is more important now than ever to tune into the natural world and recall our instincts. It is instinct that will allow us to move with Mother Earth now in her necessary shift towards wholeness. Make no mistake about it, humans are headed for wholeness too - whether we're going consciously or not.

I am thankful that humanity is seeing and appreciating the Earth more these days, but it isn't just about recycling our cans and bottles. It's about reconnecting and feeling the larger pulse of Creation within our own heart - whether we're a soldier on the battlefield, a scientist in the laboratory, a teacher, a student, a politician, a terrorist, or a weatherman - soon we'll all be coming home to roost in a larger truth; a larger life; a peaceful heart - just like the trees, the flowers and the birds.

I had to chuckle during the democratic debate on TV this afternoon. Senator Biden was trying to put down Congressman Kucinich by referring to his global and universal message as "happy talk". I don't remember exactly what he said, but Biden wanted to remind us that the world is an ugly, scary place. You know, like the current administration does for us every day? Senator Biden, it's your choice, but you may have just bought your ticket - front row and center - to the ugly, scary world you insist on perpetuating. It's not too late to change your mind! I've got an empathic hunch that there are millions of us now who are climbing on board the "happy train".

I grabbed my camera this afternoon and went to the park for a reminder of nature's beauty and balance. Now I have this video when I need to feel the pulse of nature and can't get out right away. I thought you might enjoy an under 3-minute trip to the "happy" park too.

Aloha Stroll

2007-04-20T15:37:00.000-07:00

Did I ever post this video to my blog? I did a search but couldn't find it. I created this back in January of this year. I had decided to take my camera out to search for the man behind the death-threat e-mail that I had just received that morning. He said in the e-mail that he would be watching my every move and would not hesitate to carry out his orders to kill me at a moments notice. I never saw him, and well, I'm still here. I took the footage and transformed the whole event into something a bit more positive.

I thought it might be this guy so I asked him (thumbnail below). He just laughed and waved. I don't think it was him. I'm guessing assassins probably don't wear signs.

Healing the Body-Mind Chasm

2007-04-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

I thought I would pass on a vision response that came from a healing session yesterday. There are times when the healing messages are directed to the collective of humanity versus the individual.

This was one of those cases.

A response translated from the "feeling language of the natural world" for someone who was injured and feeling a great deal of pain in her body.

It is simple. Whenever you feel pain from an illness or injury, it is your body's way of showing you the distance between what you have actually created - in terms of the current state of your physical body - and what you "think" your body should be capable of. If you feel like it, have a dialogue with the area of your body that is speaking the loudest (pain or discomfort) and state that you are conscious of this chasm between your actual physical state and your abstract mental version of your body and life.

Be watchful of any resistance you may have to avoid a direct communication with your dis-ease. In some cases, you may be unconsciously welcoming repeated patterns of "down time" because in the past you discovered that these limitations actually served you in some way. For instance, you may mentally convince yourself that you have so many important and busy tasks to perform because that is what is expected of you everyday; and the only way to finally get a reprieve or rest - which is actually your need to create distance between you and this growing awareness that your life is out of balance - is to produce the physical evidence that you cannot move. And because this evidence has physically manifested, it will be apparent to others around you and your rest will more than likely be supported. Understand though, that if you continue on this path of avoidance, your body will give in to your wishes to have this "down time" and provide more of that for you in the future than you might wish. There are healthier ways to rest, restore and return to a vibrant, healthy life, and it needn't be a long and drawn out process.

Your body wants to live in integrity with the force and vitality of All of Creation, or the Natural World; after all it's made of the stuff! As much as you would like it to, your body cannot maintain optimum health and integrity within the narrow confines of the abstract or conditioned human world. It is programmed for balance and wholeness - in partnership with you and All of Creation! Ask out loud to be more connected to your body; state your intent to be healthy, strong, and consciously partnered with your body and its needs to be in alignment with All of Creation. Depending on your level of passion to be healthy, present, and in integrity with All of Creation, the wisdom of your body will respond with the necessary guidance. Give yourself the presence of heart to actually receive the messages and act upon them. Remember, you are not learning a whole new language here; you know this language, but you may have to practice it over time to re-call the present-moment, feeling language of your heart/body. At the very least, your body does provide you with "yes" and "no" energy - "yes" being the energy that opens and expands in response to a question or statement; "no" being the energy of closing down or shutting off. See if you can begin using this tool in your daily life - especially when you are honestly seeking the truth of what is best for you when presented with choices in your life that seem to come with the cloudiness of pain and confusion.

Say you live in California and you are uncertain about whether to take a "great" job on the East Coast. Logically, "on paper" as they say, it all looks good, but you find yourself hesitating and creating a cloud of uncertainty. Here's what you can do to break the spell. Breathe deeply. Quiet yourself. Feel your toes, your hands, your fingers, your knees, your gut, and any other body part that you suddenly become aware of. Now state out loud, "I am taking the job on the East Coast." Watch your body's response - without judgment! Just observe. When those feelings fade, state out loud, "I am staying here in California." Observe the feelings again. Did the feelings expand (yes) or contract (no)? You will refine this exercise and expand your abilities to discern through practice. The point is, begin to work with your body now - never against it - and your body will celebrate this conscious partnership by living fully with you in all ways.

In any moment of physical or emotional pain (present moment focus) there is an opportunity to not only restore to balance and health, but to continue to close the gap between the body and the mind (actual versus abstract) forever. On the other hand, if you choose to ignore the body's messages, the distance will become greater - in many ways like a marriage that will not survive if one of the partners is expected to continue to "perform" mechanized duties for the other when there is little to no actual effort in the direction of knowing your partner as an equal, conscious member of the team in your Earth life. If you take physical action or move in the direction of conscious balanced partnership, you are demonstrating to your body this powerful intention for optimum functioning in actual (not abstract) terms. Your body understands action. Action can only take place in the present moment. Whether you imagine your body to have greater capacities than it is currently able to provide, or whether you imagine your body to be fragile and incapable, the intentional return to an actual, healthy body/mind partnership is the same.

So if you get the ball rolling, All of Creation will provide the people and circumstances to assist you and support you with your new intention to be body-mind-spirit healthy on Earth. Creation will always respond by matching the power of your commitment and your level of passion to live a harmonious, balanced life. ALWAYS.

Blog Vacation

2007-03-26T12:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Cyberspace Friends,
I must devote more time to my book and ongoing spiritual/musical work. There is much to be present with. It's all good :-)
Warm wishes to you all,
Eileen

Loving My Conundrums

2007-03-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

Ever since my return to the islands I have been working on my book. I have to say that present-moment consciousness doesn't always lend itself to word translation, so I find myself slipping into frustration and doubt about whether it is even possible to tell my story in book form. The conundrum is that I find myself talking up, down, and all around the "knowing state" that I am trying to describe. That is because the "knowing state" is completely indescribable. It seems that one must experience it directly first before one can recognize or resonate with a word explanation.

This morning I applied the tools in which I've been given to break through my stuck feelings (feelings aloud approach) and had a most profound new understanding. This new understanding came in an ecstatic connection (communion) with Universal Wisdom (otherwise known as 'God').

Whenever I feel stuck, sooner or later I realize that I'm trying to solve something with my mind, with the more limited approach that I have known from the past. In my ongoing practice and discipline of speaking my feelings out loud in present moment consciousness, I have been able to demonstrate healing and epiphanies just by asking to be shown the truth of the situation right now. In other words, to be shown a greater way to view the existing circumstances that I have interpreted as unyielding or stuck. I literally talk myself into Love, where all is in balance and wholeness. It is here that I am informed by LOVE. Love rarely uses words. In this place of Love I am completely enveloped in a powerful magnetic field, and in the session this morning I was shown in feeling and vision that the translated words used to describe the message from these states are primarily a "food for the mind" - to help ease the mind's incessant search for an "answer", or at least to reach a resting place before the next big conundrum hits. I had an understanding here that there will always be conundrums as we bridge from the fragmented state to wholeness, and that learning to approach a conundrum with as much respect as a breakthrough or resolution is the key.

I realized from this experience that I have been judging myself for not successfully explaining this Big Love in words. I was only seeing it one way - the way that most of us are conditioned to see it in the world - from a fragmented state. The more expanded view is that I am being encouraged to develop my work in the world by utilizing the language of Love - which for me is feeling/visioning/knowing. Now the mind will immediately disregard this new language, as there is little to no framing for it in the world - except through the arts when it is utilized as a medium of healing and transformation. My job is to acknowledge the mind's concerns and ask for a suspension of judgment while I "allow" a new form of sharing, or model, to unfold in my life. I was shown that I have already been doing it with my music and with my avant-garde approach to feeling/healing sessions with myself and others. And then I was shown another way as well, which I will practice and report on in the future perhaps.

I am encouraged and inspired now to demonstrate the "knowing state" in present moment forms, rather than demanding that it only be reduced to "comfort food" for the mind. I will still continue on with my book, but will be more understanding of myself now when the conundrums with language arise. My work in this world is to be a translator, as well as to offer "comfort food" for the heart - for the purpose of inspiring, healing and encouraging others along their path to reclaim their natural, knowing state; to own the God Frequency with feet firmly on the ground.

My other blog has more of the background about the blessings (and conundrums) that have occurred as a result of this frequency coming to me, and it really did feel like I was being forced to transform, over and over again throughout my life. I can see now that my lifelong "job" has been to turn towards it, embrace it, and own it; to be in the world but not of it. One of my epiphanies was that all of this wisdom came to me without the luxury of word explanations. So why am I trying to squeeze it all into words? Believe me, I've been chewing on this for quite some time! My inspiration now is to pass these gifts of insight and knowing on to those who find themselves in stuck places and conundrums too, and to help them break through to the feeling memory of freedom; the feeling memory of Love; the feeling memory of who we really are.

And wouldn't you know it, as I wrote those last words I realized that I could share one of my song sketches from last year - written to honor "The One You Really Are". I was sad that it didn't make the cut for this recent album as I could only record 10 songs. Plus this one had more of a jazzy feel - not really the theme for this latest body of work.

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May you always be patient with yourself as you learn to welcome the one you really are... and love all of your conundrums too!

Dive In

2007-03-16T13:30:00.000-07:00

Back to water world. Ahhhhh. I will happily report on the highlights of my recent trip to the Southwest to record my 3rd album (and much more!), but first I wanted to share a little story about my developing connection with whales.

During my 5-week stay in Santa Fe, New Mexico my life revolved around singing and recording, although I did get out for a few walks in the beautiful high desert from time to time. On one occasion I was blessed with a "cloud message". Have you ever seen a cloud shaped into something with such detail that it becomes dreamlike? Your logical mind simply cannot process the reality of it so everything takes on a Dreamtime feel. I looked up to see a massive humpback whale breaching in the sky. The detail was so fine that it looked like a painting - down to even the tiniest of details around the whale's eye, staring directly into my soul. I almost fell to my knees with the beauty and grace of this gift. I can't remember much around the "download" that came from the eye of that whale, as I was in Dreamtime, but I do remember hearing/seeing/feeling this, "The Whale People see you now". I found this to be very comforting, even though I don't logically know what it means. I have to say that throughout my life whales and dolphins have been regular visitors in my nighttime dreams, but never in broad daylight in the middle of the desert!

I bring it up now because this morning I had a vision of humanity waking up to the knowing that we've been swimming in Love all along. We don't have to go anywhere to find that peace, joy, healing, and tranquility. We're swimming in it. I was shown a pool of humans - some were frozen in fear and would not give themselves permission to play; some were busy analyzing every molecule of water and therefore never thought to actually just let go and feel it all; and some were freely splashing, laughing and thoroughly enjoying the water. None of these scenarios are right or wrong. It is a choice. But some don't know that playing in the water is an option until more and more of us choose it and demonstrate it.

The last song I wrote for the album also fits nicely with this post. The words started to come while I was still in Hawaii, prior to my trip. The melody and the rest of the words came while sitting at the piano in the studio a few weeks ago. This clip consists of raw tracks with just a lead "scratch" vocal. It isn't in its final form, just a little preview.

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Oh, and this morning I volunteered for the Annual Ocean Count for March 31st here on Oahu. How could I not?

Thanks again to all of my blogger friends for your continued love and support. It's good to be home.

Magical

2007-03-01T10:35:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a long time so I thought I'd give you a short update on the album. I am so blessed in so many ways. Everything is going superbly - even though we are in a Mercury Retrograde season. Producer Larry has been gracing my songs with stunning guitar, bass, drums, and lots more! And Chase Morrison played cello on a few of my tracks. Gorgeous!

Chase Morrison has played on Broadway, in Carnegie & Avery Fisher Halls, toured with Barbra Streisand and Joni Mitchell, and has recorded with Grammy artist Paula Cole. As a composer, her works have found homes onstage at Symphony Space in New York, with Cornell University's Women's Choir, and at Westminster Choir College.

Hello!!! Is that magical or what? I can assure you, her playing is :-)

The bottom line is, I followed guidance to take this trip and make it happen - even though all the funding was not physically present in my life. The message that came to me a few months ago was, "Just move. Do what you can. Pretend that you have money and go as far as you can go. The universe supports movement with presence and passion." The moral of the story... the apparent lack of money in your life does not stop the movement and expression of the God Frequency in our lives.

It's true. Amazing things have happened on this trip... and it's not over yet...

Backroad Pizza Report

2007-02-17T19:24:00.000-08:00

So I'm once again in the midst of high-speed internet. Yay! I'm at Backroads Pizza in Santa Fe, New Mexico and I'm listening to Indigie-Femme - a wonderful duo which consists of Elena and Tash. Elena is a Maori/Samoan from New Zealand and Tash is from the Navajo Nation. They have joined forces to spread the powerful messages that only Indigenous women can do. And these two do it very well. Oh, and that's Larry Mitchell (my producer) sitting with his guitar at the far right of the stage. He's an honorable member of Indigie-Fem.

Things are going well in the studio. We're up to about 6 or 7 songs now. Soon I'll post some little samples, but I'll have to wait for another high-speed pit stop. My concert was a joy the other night. Steve Panella was there! How fun to meet a fellow blogger in person! Thanks again for coming out to the show Steve. It was so nice to say hello to you and give you a big hug.

I had a great time singing again. I'm pretty sure I'll be doing more of it after the album is done. Producer Larry Mitchell joined me on stage, as well as my former drummer, Jeff Sussman, and special guest, John Kurzweg on bass. It was a great musical reunion and I got to see many of my friends that I haven't seen for quite awhile. I'll post some pictures here when I get them loaded into to my laptop. Perhaps a little video footage as well.

My apologies for not keeping up with my favorite blogs. Slow speed is a bear!

Greetings from Santa Fe

2007-02-06T15:25:00.000-08:00

I'm here in Santa Fe now and I hit the ground running, as they say. I've taken some video footage of our work in the studio, but being that I am in a remote location (this translates to 'phone modem'), I am unable to upload some of the clips. I'll have to wait until I go to one of the wi-fi cafes in town.

We're working on the 2nd song now, "Shine". It'll probably be the one that the radio station plays during my interview with Ira Gordon at KBAC 98.1 next week. I'll be chatting with Ira and promoting the show that I'll be doing at Gig Performance Space on February 15th.

I miss blogging and my blogging friends! But I can only do so much. Just know that I'm in heaven in the studio. Larry is doing his usual amazing job producing my music.

Life is good.

By the Grace of God(dess)

2007-01-25T13:15:00.000-08:00

I am preparing to be on the road for about a month as I travel to the Mainland to record my new music. I will be departing in a few short days for California, and then on to New Mexico.

My plan is to document the recording process through a series of video posts (vlogs). My producer, Larry Mitchell, is the one who recommended that I do this. Seems like an awful lot of tech stuff to think about while I'm in the "heart zone" for singing/playing my music, but I'm certainly up for trying. Between the two of us I'm sure we'll manage something.

I'm also continuing to ask for all of the resources that I need to complete this project, i.e. actually demonstrating the creation and manifestation techniques that I have written about on my blogs. This is perhaps the furthest I have "stuck my neck out" ever... trusting in and applying what I have been shown and given in visions and ecstatic states. I don't have a "day job". I decided awhile back that my only job was to be who I am, and that I would be provided for by Grace. Indeed I have been blessed. I guess you could say that I'm doing my part in "breaking the spell" that keeps humanity feeling stuck and limited in the world as we have known it. I believe in... wait. I know that it is possible to be fully alive and fully supported for being who I am in this world. I have demonstrated these principles in the past; therefore, I know that it IS happening.

After the recordings are complete, my work is to travel and sing-speak-demonstrate the feminine healing frequency to any who are drawn to the sound of empowerment and inspiration. My working title for the project is, "Kundalini Chronicles", as all of this music is born from what I know to be our natural ecstatic state - not from the Eastern perspective, but rather from a Western girl who experienced it first and then found out later what "IT" was called. After two previous CDs, mostly filled with a spiritual longing for the return of what I had been touched by, my 3rd CD is from the view of being, embracing, and celebrating both my humanity and Divinity - woven into a dialog that succeeds in bridging and resolving this inner masculine/feminine split.

In my recent incarnation as a performing singer-songwriter I was too afraid to break out of the mold of what was expected of me within that role. I am no longer confined by that role now. I am a mystic and a musical artist in real time. I do not "perform"; I create and sing music from the heart, in the present moment. I feel that as long as I am on Earth I will do this. And whether I have an audience or not, I choose to be and sing, Love.

To be continued in February, from Santa Fe, New Mexico...

P.S... My story (short version) was published in Kindred Spirit Magazine (Jan/Feb '07). It's entitled, "The Divine Feminine: A Cosmic Love Affair". Interesting to note though, I have rarely referred to it as "Kundalini". I'm not very big on existing labels. I prefer to find other more 'feeling' ways to describe my experiences so that the intellect cannot quickly grab onto a familiar word and throw it into a box.

Message to You

2007-01-21T12:55:00.000-08:00

I received a vision message this morning. Very short (comparatively speaking). It is somewhat of a follow-up to my New Year's post.

Many of us have been experiencing a more embodied conscious awareness now. When this larger feeling presence 'arrives' in your consciousness you may have the initial sensations of imbalance because you are not accustomed to this larger sense of yourself. Some will feel this as anxiety or panic with confusion about where it is coming from; some will feel very alone; some may even be wondering if they are going to die. Don't judge yourself for any of these feelings. Welcome all of them. Here's something that you can do to help you feel more balanced on Earth at this time. It a recommendation - only do this if you feel the inspiration to do so. I will be doing this myself sometime prior to my travels toward the end of the month. This suggested exercise may not only help to restore your balance, but also to open the doors of communion with your greatest and constant ally in these transformational times - Mother Earth. Understand that I have done this before in similar ways and I'm sure many of you have as well. That was then. This is now.

Find a quiet, natural setting where you can relax and meditate/pray - a place where you know that you will have no interruptions. Feet must be on the soil (your rear too if you are able). Breathe deeply, find your heart center and pray like a child. A child prays in total innocence, directly from the heart. It is recommended that you do not borrow any one else's formula for prayers or meditations at this time because this will have the tendency to land you back in the mind. This is an in-the-moment communion with Mother Earth, although a few guidelines were given for you to read and take in ahead of time, but not memorize. Important: Only follow through with this exercise if you feel strongly that you want to be here on Earth and experience the transformation to Peace and Benevolence (inside and out) at this time and into future times.

Share out loud, in your own words, all that you appreciate about Mother Earth. Really feel it. Now allow yourself to breathe-in, welcome, and receive all that you love about her. Then re-introduce yourself in an "I am here now" statement. Then state (some of you may be re-stating) your intentions to work with the planet now, to be here on Earth as fully as you possibly can and ask for all of your senses to be alive and active now - including your instinctual/discernment abilities. Close your prayer/communion in whatever way you are inspired. Last steps: Get up. Walk around and employ ALL of your senses. Touch and consciously connect with any or all of the following: the soil, leaves, stones, bark, water, your own face, limbs and skin, all that you are drawn to; feel and breathe in the air, the warmth of the sun, etc. The point is, welcome and receive the natural gifts of manifest Grace on Earth. See, hear, touch, taste (food), smell and take in all that you wish... just don't forget that this includes your physicality too!

The point to to all of this is, you are different now. Reconnect, re-introduce, re-state intentions that include your conscious alignment with Mother Earth. Comments and questions are welcomed if you feel.

Your God

2007-01-20T10:01:00.000-08:00

Talking to your god
Was like talking to a
Thick gray wall...
But I was game.
One day I got up really close
And dared to speak out
In my blasphemous prose.
I spoke to that 'something'
That supposedly lived
On the other side
Of what is known -
'Something' other than me,
'Something' other than
Anything,
That I could ever hold close.

Now what happened next
May have seemed
Like bowing and worshiping,
In good and pious faith,
But I can assure you
That my falling to the floor
Was certainly not
A sanctimonious thing.
It was more that my knees
Finally buckled
From the weight of the lie,
Having to deny that I'd known you before.
I knew you in that other world,
The one that felt so good,
That 'otherworld' called childhood.
They say that children are
The pretending ones,
But sadly,
It's the grown ups
Who are lost in the fantasy
That we are other than Greatness,
Other than Love.

I have to say,
The best move I ever made
Was to get up as close to that wall
As I possibly could.
How was I to know that
The sound of my crying,
Flying rage
Would force that honesty
Back in my face?
Straight into my heart it went
Pelting my chest
And cracking the cold case
Of a senseless death
In time and space.
With the smell of gunpowder
Still in the air,
I came to,
Making the tiniest of sounds
I became the thunder
That drowned out all definition of me.
How was I to know I'd have to
Come to terms with the in-between
Of a poet's words -
Knowing you,
Claiming you,
In hands and feet?

Yet the sweetness of what
Was supposed to be you
Did swirl inside of me,
Where the 'you and I' conceived
And gave birth
To our second child,
Divinity.

How clever of your god to find entry here
By becoming an audible mirror.
I watched and I was,
A fall into nothingness,
Crumbling to dust
Under the magic wand
Of breath and innocence...

Rising to be the Child
Who will never,
Ever know,
Forgetfulness.

The 'Heart in a Jar' Vision

2007-01-16T17:55:00.000-08:00

I'm supposed to be preparing my songs for the studio right now but I feel motivated to get this posted first. Recently I've been feeling the collective anxiety and felt guided to review what is being broadcast to the world via the news. I don't need to tell you that the reports aren't good - especially if you're one that reads between the lines - like me. I also receive valuable information from my own heart - many things that I don't report here, but because this particular vision came with the feeling to share it with others, I am doing so. This vision is in response to my own heartfelt questions of: "What can I do? What can we do to reverse this destructive momentum that we and our country are seemingly being swept up in? I am asking to be shown the truth about what we are collectively creating, and if we choose, how we can shift out of what feels like a bad dream and recreate a more benevolent world?"

Screen Image from "War Zone 2100" - a Video Game

The responding vision was one of a young adult male sitting on the couch playing video games. His heart was in a jar on the end table just a few feet away. His consciousness was not embodied in his couch position, but rather projected into the video game itself. He was completely identified with the character in the story on the screen - a story that includes survival, war, death, destruction, winning, riches, and love that comes in the form of a point-system reward. This young man's body was like an empty shell, sitting on the edge of the couch with fast-moving fingers over the buttons and dials that he gripped tightly in his hands.

I was shown that the beating heart encased in the jar is the only 'real' thing in this particular view, and it's strength and power are greatly reduced by it's dysfunctional placement - outside the body and mind. You see, there is pain associated with the heart - bad memories, traumas that occurred when we were children. So open, so trusting, so seamlessly we were connected to our hearts back then. Something happened. We learned quickly in this hybrid version of the 'Earth experience' that it is safer to live virtually and set the heart aside for those 'special' occasions. After all, it's the way our parents did it. So it must be the way to go, right? Alas, very few of us had an example in our lives of someone who courageously embodied their heart and lived and moved and had their being in the Natural World - the 'real' world. From what I have seen through the lens of American life, most hearts are in jars, and unfortunately we pass this 'containing and distancing' behavior onto our children through our fragmented and distorted views of what it means to be human.

While disconnected from the heart and projecting our consciousness into a virtual game, we are in a highly suggestive state. "Hypnotized" is another word for it. All of our attention is focused on who or what will appear next to threaten our image and our position and standing within the game. We are tense and our fingers are poised to react immediately. As long as we are identifying with our character in the video game, we may as well be a floating ghost in the actual Earth realm. We have no sense of connectedness or grounded-ness with what is truly 'real'. In fact, we are so convinced that the video game is 'real' that the authenticity of the Natural World can feel foreign to us. The vision was making an observation of the state of human consciousness from outside of the 'game', and pointed out that being ungrounded (disconnected from the heart and body) places us in this highly suggestible state, where we can, let us say, easily be hijacked by those who 'manage' or 'influence' the rules or codes of the video game.

Yes, we do have those rare and 'special' moments when the heart is suddenly plunged back into our chest, back into our bodies - and not all of these moments are of the 'warm and fuzzy' variety. A few examples of ways that we might feel again is when we witness and are present for the birth of our children; when someone we love is dying; when we take long walks in nature; when our dog joins us on the couch and nuzzles our hand as a cue that it's time to go outside and play ball; when our cat lands in our lap and announces that it's time for her to be stroked, petted, and loved (this animal behavior is actually more for you than for them); 'incidents' like 9/11 - before the fear programming sets in; when Mother Earth's natural movements shake us up with what we call "disasters"; when we feel compassion towards our fellow humans who are experiencing pain and suffering; when we are dying; when the beauty of the sunset, a rainbow, or any natural beauty stops us in our tracks. All of these examples are ways in which we might be re-introduced to grounded-ness and feeling again - ways that new doors open so that we may perceive something other than the 'game'.

Sadly, we have been collectively agreeing that these 'heart episodes' are but temporary, fleeting moments; and in our fundamentally flawed and 'backwards' sense of reality, it isn't long before we begin to feel the anxiety of 'losing points' should we keep our focus on feelings, the environment, and all of the natural beings in it. Thus we are driven to get back to the business of virtually 'making a living' again, otherwise known as accumulating more points in the game. We are like addicts in this way - diving back in for our next big distraction fix so that we don't have to feel... too much.

"...our lives are mostly a constant evasion of ourselves."
-T. S. Eliot

There are some of us that live on the fringe. We managed to extricate ourselves from the game - some partially, some completely - and for our own personal compelling reason, we initiated the heart-reclamation process. In other words, some of us went outside to play ball with the dog and never turned back. Our points are there on the screen unclaimed, rapidly losing their power and meaning to us as we ground back into all that is real; all that is simple. We're feeling again. We're remembering what it's like to be grounded and powerful. We're remembering an ancient time and a future time all at once - that time when we knew what we were connected to... before (and after) all of the distractions... before (and after) the 'game'. Through our heart connection, we are actually beginning to feel "God", and are astounded by the very tangible fact that "God" is an utterly and completely different experience than what was encoded and defined within the video game as a "God-type Character".

I was shown that we will never 'win' the game while our conscious focus is in the game itself, but 'winning' back our hearts will eliminate the game and all of the hypnosis and manipulation that goes with it. True, not many of us can even imagine what life outside the game might look like, but why should that stop us? For me the prospect of staying in the game is much more terrifying than the free-fall into Grace.

We still have the power to put the video game in the jar and place our hearts back where they belong. Lucidity occurs when the heart is in the driver's seat - contrary to what you have been conditioned to believe. When the heart is aligned with the body and mind, our Divine senses are restored and we are able to discern what is 'real' and what is not. Sure, in the initial heart-reclamation/rehabilitation process you may feel some feelings that up to this point you've been avoiding at all cost, but a little emotional roto-rooter never hurt anyone. We can all agree that the idea of facing our fears is uncomfortable and unpleasant at times, but in my experience, I found it to be a necessary step in order to reconnect with Source and get things 'flowing' again. Once the pipes are clean, we can look back and see that there was actually more pain in stuckness and resistance than there will ever be in just getting down to the business of clearing, and the resulting acceptance of our true identity in Love.

Divine reconnection occurs when we make this conscious movement to not just 'make a living' or 'play the game', but to be alive again and naturally embody all that we once thought we had to fight and kill for... like what we do in video games for 'points'.

Some people have strong convictions that the issues and problems of "video-game or virtual living" can be solved within the code of the virtual game itself. The ego-character within the game can be quite deceptive. All of the ambition, moral campaigns, and activism without the heart connection can be just another way to avoid giving up this lethal drug called "distraction". I will leave you with the last feeling image that I was shown - a new way of viewing the myth of the ostrich with his "head in the sand". In the past it's been used as a criticism toward those who choose not to be a part of the enthusiastic campaign to destroy the 'bad guys' from within the game. I stand firm in my convictions that the highest and most effective form of activism one can participate in at this time is to turn off the video game, get up off the couch, retrieve your heart from the jar, place it back into your chest, and get on with the business of living. You can play video games, play ball with your dog, or even go out and demonstrate in the streets. Do whatever your heart inspires you to do! The point is, with your heart in it's natural place all of your actions will come from a place of balance and wholeness, and from this vantage point, some of your new interests and abilities might just surprise you.

Artistic Author(IT)y

2007-01-11T15:43:00.000-08:00

The word, author(IT)y, and the way it is displayed has come in expanded states on numerous occasions since I decided to leave the world as I knew it and become a full-time mystic, intuitive healer, song-word-image-artist. Now there's a new job title for you! Writing a job description for this position is a work in progress; the hours are variable, and at this moment the environment is pretty comfortable. But the part that is still being negotiated is my salary. I am sort of making light of what has been an ongoing and serious issue in my life - how to be true to my Self and still be provided for in the world. It was all so very confusing and painful until I realized that I'm not really negotiating a salary and benefits from within this 3-D world, I am in fact re-negotiating my entire world view.

This post (as most of my posts do) came from my morning prayer/dialog with Source,and this particular topic was inspired by Steve Panella's, "Art and Money - a Plea Post". I have come to recognize that Steve and I share a lot of the same feelings around the challenges of being an artist in the 3-D world, or what I have affectionately referred to as "The Box". I believe the greatest challenge stems from not having a great deal of interest in "making a living" in the usual ways here in the Box and yet still having the very real physical needs for food, shelter, and the likes. How ironic. The more we "make a living", the more it drains what 'living juice' we have and then we end up becoming entrenched or "entrained" to the smallness again. This is a horrifying feeling to artists, I must say, being sucked back into the "smallness".

"Book Stone on a Stand", by Steve Panella

The way I see it is that all the code for this 'Box-program' is already written and almost everyone whose consciousness is focused here is entrained to this limited code beginning in the early years of their life. Other than the shamans of old, as well as the contemporary shamans of our time, very few inhabitants of the Box actually have a conscious felt-experience of the Greater Code beyond the Box. Many humans entertain concepts of the Greater Code, but have been conditioned to believe that this Greater Code is separate from them. Therefore, this Greater Code is either worshiped or definitively excluded from life-in-the-box, rather than accepted as part of their own identity.

For me, "beyond the box" is an experience of Love, Peace, Abundance, Wholeness, Balance, Beauty, Grace, Life... God, Source.

For the purposes of this post, I define "Artists" as those who have the ability to transcend the Box and tap into Source or the stream of LIFE more consciously. Not unlike a shaman. (Just to further clarify, I feel that Artists can be found in every area of life and in every profession, i.e. politics, education, science, medicine, etc.) Even if this 'connection' is brief, upon their return most Artists are inspired, and sometimes even compelled, to communicate what they have seen or what they have been touched by through the medium of their choice. To an Artist residing in the 3-D world it is usually a joy to create; yet there is also an inherent conundrum. "How can I create a 'thing' that will be the most perfect translation of my experience?", and "How do I find the perfect balance of creating a 'thing' that bridges far enough into the box to be seen and supported (valued), yet still remain true or integral with Source?".

I am no stranger to the above artistic conundrum, yet I have been "informed" through my developing methods of communion with the "Greater View" that this evolutionary leap boils down to a simple shift from within - also known as a "perspective correction". It all has to do with "Authority", and who or what we are giving our authority to.

"Sin Titulo",
by Alighiero e Boetti

Within the "Box" of contemporary times, we have learned to give authority to those who are the "experts" in their fields. How do they become experts? By schooling themselves within the box, and becoming 'specialized' in the code and the manipulation of it within the 3D field. Spirit informs me that our 'perspective correction' occurs when we accept our own power and ability to author-"IT" into this world in the ways that we are inspired. Up to this point in our evolution here on Earth, we have deferred authority to the "it" within the specified or more limited code. Therefore, when we as artists create something in and from pure Inspiration and then go and seek approval in 'Box-land', we end up deferring to the 'experts' or the authors of "it" (authority) to validate us and/or assign value to our creations based on the limited code. If authority, in whatever form that takes for us, cannot perceive it or does not welcome it, we take it personally and feel shamed, devalued, and downright confused about why we're even here! I have been in this place far too many times than I want to admit - feeling sorry for myself because I didn't "fit" into this world. Until, of course, I realized that it all just boiled down to a simple misunderstanding.

"Monkeys as Judges of Art",
Gabriel Cornelius von Max

What I've been shown, is that when we truly author "IT" in to this world we no longer require the validation and valuing from within the box. This frees us up to BE and exude "IT" - the "IT" that we've desperately been trying to explain in 3-D terms! Sure, we can take action and create some-'thing' to demonstrate "IT" in form if we feel that inspiration, or we also have the choice of doing absolutely nothing! Whether we act or not, it doesn't change the very real fact that we are still "IT" in form.

The "perspective correction" occurs when we no longer defer to the "way things have always been", and in turn redefine our identities or identification with "IT", or the Greater Code. In other words, when we make that shift to include "IT" as our identity, it's like we are instantly expanding our possibilities - all the ways in which we can invite and experience that Peace, Abundance, Love, etc., into our everyday lives. The good news is, this Greater Code is already "embedded" within our consciousness (which includes our physical DNA) and it comes directly from Source. This Source Code, if you will, has been for the most part invisible to the 3-D world up to now. It's not surprising that artists also feel invisible a great deal of the time as well. It can be a very painful experience to be an artist in 3-D. We're all artists on the soul level, but for those who choose to be aware of more-than-the-box while in form; well, it's not difficult to comprehend where the term "tortured artist" comes from.

Artists of all kinds will most naturally be the first to "change their minds" from part-time tapping into Source to full-time acceptance of Source. This allows Source to be present, to resonate within the Box - instantaneously giving permission to others to invite the same for themselves, activating the Source code within and magically dissolving the imaginary floor, ceiling and 4 walls of this boxed-in perspective.

All of this is very nice Eileen, you might say, but how do I activate that new code, stay in integrity with it, and sustain myself - starting right NOW??? The guidance that I have received is to acknowledge it out loud when you become consciously aware of the inconsistencies in your perceptions between the BOX and SOURCE, and then ask for what you want to feel in your life now (also known as prayer). That's the unembellished explanation, but sometimes a more straightforward approach is best. "Ask and it shall be given" is pretty straightforward.

The feeling translation of this is, "Relax. All of it comes from Grace anyway, and you already are Grace right now. Feel IT. Know IT. Accept IT." In realizing this we have now deferred or "re-entrained" our consciousness to our encoded 'God Frequency' rather than the limiting concept of the God Frequency inside "the Box". By doing this, we have just shifted our own values, and shifting our own valuing of Box-Code to Source-Code changes everything.

I don't claim to be a "successful" living example of this just yet; I am definitely a work in progress. But once I push past my own cynicism, fear and doubting that this might not actually be true, I am given the physical 'signs' almost immediately that this information is valid and true - not from outside "experts", but from the cues that I receive from my own physical body as well as the clues, signs, or responses from my environment - manifesting in the more often recognized form of 'synchronicities'. This is "IT" revealing itself in time and space.

The "Creation of Adam" by Michelangelo

Today we are on the threshold of full transcendence of the Box - an enormous evolutionary leap in consciousness. It is what all of the great civilizations on Earth have encoded within their own art, heralding humanity's graduation from the Box to Source. If you'd like to see/feel/hear/touch/smell/know more about this, and witness a preview of coming attractions, look to the Artists that inspire you today. Support and encourage the Artist within yourself, as well as all the Artists who have the courage now to deliver their inspirations into this world, to reveal an aspect of Divinity that you can embrace and resonate with - right where you are. Be willing to shift your own value system to include a Life that is far greater than you can imagine inside of a box. And if for some reason you can't imagine or "author-IT" for yourself just yet, that is all right, because "IT" is not as far off as you might think. I am encouraging you to choose and support that which resonates or matches with what is truly of value within yourselves - not just what is recommended by those who author-"it". Whether we are fully conscious of this or not, humanity is in a profoundly empowering position to discern and choose that which we want to see more of in our world - Love, Peace, Grace, Balance, Abundance... Source.

And remember, while there is magnificent art that is visible in the many galleries throughout the world, understand that there are also tenfold more of the variety of 'invisible' artists right in your own midst - in your families, your workplace, your churches, your towns, the internet. Show an interest! Help these Artists to become visible in this world. If it inspires you, let the Artist and everyone know, and while we're still using money as an energy of exchange and you are in a position to, buy it or support the birth of "IT" into this world! It'll be your "authoritative" statement and investment in the evolution of man and the future of Planet Earth.

Just Being a Tree

2007-01-08T13:17:00.000-08:00

The vision this morning started with the imagery of a little "teaching" story. It then unraveled into a rhymie-style children's poem. I have to say that I very much relate to this tree, having lived her story in my own life. I wished there would have been someone to tell me... I mean, it could've saved me a lot of time and energy if I'd have been informed of this simple wisdom earlier on in my life. I imagine if we sat under a tree like this one, honored her and listened very carefully, we might be fortunate enough to hear and feel the profound guiding messages of the Natural World. Still, regardless of whether she has been heard or not, she keeps broadcasting until we are tuned in enough to receive the messages; the messages that no matter what any "important person" says, we too are natural, and one with Source.

Once upon a time there was a mighty oak tree.
She lived in a beautiful green meadow,
And was so very happy...
Just being a tree.
Until one day an important man from the city
Stopped by her trunk and said,
"It isn't enough to just be a tree.
You must be more productive and
Contribute to society!"
The tree became very sad.
She already felt that she was being
And contributing so much to the world
Just by being a tree!
She dropped oodles of seeds
As food and treats for many.
She offered her branches and leaves
As refuge for the birds,
The animals and the honey bees.
One day she became so dismayed
By what the important man said,
That she uprooted herself
And headed straight for the city.
Now it isn't easy for a tree to disguise herself
As a productive citizen on the busy streets,
But over time she managed to fall in line.
And it was very hard work to be
Something other than a tree,
So eventually it took its toll and it was plain to see,
That her branches and leaves were withering.
She learned many things from her time in the city,
Mostly that it was an impossibility
To pretend that uprooted trees
Don't get tired and confused...
Not to mention very thirsty.
So even though she barely had the energy,
She managed to find her way back
To the beautiful green meadow
Where she was born from a tiny acorn seed.
Sinking her roots back into the cool,
Inviting earth,
The only thing she did for quite awhile
Was smile and sigh and breathe.
All of the animals,
The insects,
The soil
The water
The wind
And the sun,
Welcomed
Her home again.
"Thank goodness," she beamed,
"That I remembered in time;
Whether you live in the meadow,
Or 'productive society',
A tree is most happy...
Just being a tree."

"It's Time to Let it Out!"

2007-01-05T12:50:00.000-08:00

...One of several new Kleenex® slogans. Others are, "Laugh until you cry", "Show your heart and show some tears", and "Say goodbye to the stiff upper lip".

I like to celebrate when I see evidence that the world is changing. This time it's through a TV advertisement that embraces the importance of expressing our feelings and having a Kleenex box nearby. By god, things are looking up when feelings are welcomed and encouraged in a 30-second TV spot. My girlfriend sent me this link the other day.

Kleenex's New Ad Preview

Perhaps many of you have already seen the commercial. I haven't seen it on TV here in Hawaii yet. I just felt that it was important to acknowledge it. Incidentally, I wrote to Kleenex with a very simple message of "Good job. Well done! Congratulations to your genius marketing team." They actually wrote back:

Dear Eileen,

Thanks for your e-mail about KLEENEX® facial tissue.

We appreciate the time you took to e-mail us, and we're happy to learn that our advertisement pleased you. Because your comments are important to us, we will be sure to share them with the people involved.

Thanks again for your e-mail.

Cindy,
Consumer Services
Kimberly-Clark Corp.

You're welcome Cindy.

All the World is Your Stage

2006-12-31T13:20:00.000-08:00

Dynamic Image from Formilab's Earth and Moon Viewer

I received a vision for 2007. It was prompted by a question from a friend about some unusual feelings and perceptions that she's been having in the past few weeks. She's convinced that something has changed. Rather, she's convinced that SHE has changed. I asked about it in my morning "connecting" time and it inspired a vision of the changes that are occurring for everyone now and throughout the New Year.

For those people who have actually asked for what they want, or prayed to "be the change" in this world, well... it's here. Sometimes we ask for things and then forget that we asked. Humans are kind of funny that way. Or we think it's going to show up and look like something else... something that we're already familiar with, so we're not in the frame of mind to embrace something truly new. If something different or unusual is occurring in your perceptions of self and other, make sure you check in with your self for reminders about those "little" prayers that you sent out a while back. The main thrust of this vision is to acknowledge our recent intentions as well as to show us how our view of reality and identity is changing. For me, these messages come in feeling pictures, and I shall do my best to translate this to words.

Imagine that you suddenly wake up in the "green room" backstage. First of all, you might wonder how you got there. You might also wonder what might be expected of you as you wait "backstage". Sure, you've done shows before, but wait... something has changed. This time you have no idea what the program is about, who is present, and what your part in it is. At this point, you might feel an odd mixture of panic and excitement, nausea and glee. Nothing feels the same as before, and yet if you are completely honest with yourself, you would say that you are feeling more power; more confidence; and more peace within yourself - in spite of what the evening news says you should feel. What on Earth is happening?

No time for analysis. You've just received the knock and your call to the stage. Why hasn't anyone supplied you with the script? Where will you stand or move on stage? Will you be singing that old song... now just what was that old song? The words and the tune are gone. Good god, whatever will they expect of you? The only self you've ever known seems to be the self you've been. If that self is not showing up like before, what happens now?

Indeed.
What happens now.
You tell us.
That's the change.
The world will change because you are demonstrating the change.
Yes. You are that powerful.
All you have to be is YOU.

It seems the biggest obstacle we have to achieving all that we choose in our lives is the belief that it is not possible and that somehow we don't have what we need to accomplish it anyway, so why even begin? Now that's what I call an old script.

Not all of us will react the same to these profound shifts and changes in consciousness. Some people may go out onto that stage and freeze because no one is feeding them their lines; no one is telling them what to wear, how to walk, where to sit, how much they'll be paid, and just generally how they fit into the show. Not to worry though, they will benefit by witnessing another kind of folk who will respond to these changes quite differently. In the past, this category of people might have been referred to as "unusual" and "sensitive" - characterized by their overwhelming sense of "not fitting in". It is this group who will seem to come alive, thrilled at all of the endless possibilities in what they choose to bring to the stage. They will thrive in this climate of cosmic improvisation. In other words, a sense of relief will come over them and finally, oh finally, life will begin to make sense. What a concept... permission to be who you really are! Can you imagine owning a new-found power and confidence that just pours out so naturally that you find yourself enjoying your-Self just as much as everyone around you? No rehearsals required!

All of us may walk out onto that stage at some point and begin to hear the echoes of all the shows that came before. In a moment of fear or desperation, we may grab onto one of those echoey "loops" and allow ourselves to act out an "old show" - simply because that's what we're familiar with. That's okay. You'll catch yourself soon enough. After awhile it just won't feel right to you or to others around you to stay stuck in the past. No need to punish or judge yourself about it. It happens. So what? Take your time. You can be comforted in the fact that there truly is enough of an "audience" now on this planet that is always rooting for you to find and be YOU... because after all, they know first hand that it's the best and most inspiring show in town. Be patient with yourself, and know that the cure for anxiety and uncertainty is honesty. Even if you just walk out onto that stage and say, "I'm afraid"; or "I honestly don't know what will come through me"; or "I am open to knowing and expressing this True Self but I'm not sure how it's done"; in your willingness to be truthful, you have instantaneously opened the door for inspiration. And "It" will find entry into your voice, your hands, your legs, your fingers, your heart. You'll know what to do, what to say, what to wear - even what to eat! And it is coming from the spontaneous Wisdom of Life available to all. No more scripts!

So all of this to say, don't be surprised when you actually do receive what you've asked for. If you've asked for "world peace", then you will be given the opportunity to demonstrate "peace" on your stage. If you've asked for more opportunities to be creative and spontaneous, then you go right ahead. Show us your originality! If you've asked for the opportunity to be who you really are, why not just go out onto that stage and let it happen? Afraid you'll look like a fool? Get over it. Once you get past the initial jitters, "It" just flows. Any experienced artist will tell you this. So don't let fear stop you. Imagine how many other people you could be inspiring to be peace; to be creativity; to be beauty; to be grace; to be honesty; to be love in the world... because that's what you are. And that's what I call a heavenly show!

I imagine one day in the not-too-distant-future we'll find ourselves reflecting on the "old shows", in complete disbelief that we could have ever gotten trapped into thinking we were not wonderful, powerful, creative, spontaneous, and magical beings simply by being who we are. But I'm sure we won't ramble on about it for too long. We'll be having far too much fun enjoying our "present" stage presence.

A Happy and Blessed New Year to All!

Harmonic Entrainment to the God Frequency

2006-12-21T17:00:00.000-08:00

I am currently writing a rather lengthy article on "Harmonic Entrainment to the God Frequency" for submission to a magazine publication in the near future. I made reference to this phrase at the end of one of my previous articles (January '07 publication) and felt a need to elaborate on the topic further in a follow-up article. I wanted to post a few of the themes running throughout this next article here.

The information I receive comes from outside the boundaries of what is already known within my intellect and then I actively translate it. Sometimes I refer to this as "Feminine Wisdom", or being "Informed by Love", or the "Core" of our being. Translation for me occurs in the form of music, lyrics, healing energy, words, and sometimes illustrative charts for the printed page. Some have called this "channeling", and it's OK with me to call it channeling - but secretly I wish I could offer a software upgrade to the collective thinking mind to allow a more relaxed definition of this intuitive activity. We could call it "art" - the more safe and acceptable container for such extra-curricular activities in our culture. Whatever you want to call it is fine with me. Names and labels have no effect on the actual experience of something. Anyhow, I'm sure many of you can relate by having experienced a desperate attempt to translate the essence of something - something that lives beyond words - to something that the rest of us can taste, touch, see, feel or hear. Not always an easy task when the conditioned mind gets in the way.

I keep doing what I'm doing, art and/or channeling, and freely offer what I receive in order to make my contribution to the benevolent shift in consciousness that we are all in the midst of. Some of us are consciously riding this wave and others have chosen to believe in more of the "WYSIWYG" (what you see is what you get) approach to life. There is no right or wrong way. I say that if whatever you are doing is honestly working for you, then there's no need to fix it, right? (Just remember that "honestly" is the operative word here.)

I happened upon "Entrainment to the God Frequency" purely by accident. This was a phrase given to me upon resurfacing from a dream state a few months back. My first memory of feeling entrained in this way was when I was around 10 years old, although at the time I had no name for it. Back then I had this enormous passion to sing but couldn't carry a tune. Literally, any spare moment was dedicated to singing and learning to play the piano. I had no lessons available to me from a professional, so gradually over time I noticed that a Spirit voice coach was teaching me and making suggestions on vocal exercises that always seemed to have built-in life lessons as well. Entrainment occurred when I would land on a note that would take it from "me" singing the note, to something far beyond my concept of me. This was something so beautiful and so loving, and "IT" was singing the note through me. Now you might think, "Oh, how nice." Understand that when I say "beautiful" and "loving"... yes it was that, but then bump that up to the 10th power. In this frequency there is no holding onto any concept of what you have experienced or once believed as "loving" in your everyday life. There isn't even a "you" anymore. I could only hold the note for a moment because the frequency was too gigantic, too much for my body to contain. So my physical body would then convulse in a way, and I would have to weep in order to release what felt like a cosmic truckload of Love that I was convinced had taken a wrong turn into me!

Later I found that this childhood dose had only been the beginning... only a feather touch of the Divine that even at this young age had caused a complete shattering of any newly-formulating idea of who or what I thought I was, or was going to be. I learned pretty early on that resisting this level of Love could feel quite painful. So the "training" over the years, if you will, seemed to be that of stretching to accommodate more and more it and for longer periods of time.

At 10 years of age I was still very much in that wonderfully honest, innocent, feeling place in life. I did mention the phenomenon to my mother at one point, and let's just suffice it to say that after that I never mentioned it again. And this was a religious woman! Sadly, I learned very quickly not to speak of such things out loud to others. So I kept my random ecstatic sound experiences to myself. It came in other ways too, but we'll stick with the voice-oriented phenomenon for this post. I can also recall very long dry spells from this ecstasy throughout my life, but I never forgot that beacon of frequency - that marker of all markers for Love. Why? Because I had felt it in my physical body. It was embedded in me there. All of this made for a difficult life in many ways - forgetting that frequency (which translates to entrainment to the conditioned view), remembering (entrainment to God), and forgetting again - but thankfully that frequency never forgot me. Just when I would lose all hope and give voice to my despair, crying out, begging for something greater to deliver me from the vice I had placed myself within, "IT" would return.

So it was years later I discovered that this "Entrainment to the God Frequency" can occur while speaking (or shouting) feelings out loud as well. Certainly this was not directed at anyone. This was between me, myself, and I. And it was here I noticed that my physical body would give me the "clues" as to whether I was being honest with what I was saying or not. Very simply put, when you are being as honest with yourself as possible - which is a natural state of innocence - you begin to entrain yourself to the God Frequency. The more you speak the truth, the more the mask or image of yourself begins to fade, whereby inviting more of your True Identity, your Source, your Core Self, to be present in your everyday consciousness. In being honest about your feelings, you are literally opening the doors and practicing the embodiment of the God Frequency. I suppose one could even say that in speaking honestly, or from the heart, we are literally "talking our-selves into the Truth of who we are". Incidentally, it is only then that we can even begin to be fully honest and fully present with others in our lives, but that is another whole article... or book!

So why are we so conditioned to fear our feeling nature here on Earth? Because somehow we know, deep down inside, that feeling and giving voice to our "bad" feelings creates a movement and healing that will eventually open the floodgates of Love. Are we ready for that? I'd like to remind you of that great quote about "our deepest fear" in Marianne Williamson's book "A Return to Love", that was also used in Nelson Mandela's 1994 Inaugural Speech. I've encountered it hundreds of times over the years and I never get tired of it... due to the fact that my body gives me the warm honey feeling in my heart and solar plexus area when I read it - a proven indication that it is true.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

People say that they want to have experiences of God, that they want to be "enlightened" and "one with the Source". Just know that it may be very different from what you "think" it is, and hold on to your hats for the day that the God Frequency just lightly reaches in and touches you - providing you with a "felt sense" of Creation. Nobody, but nobody can fully prepare you for this. Rather, they can only offer their own experiences that may possibly inspire you to invite "IT" in for yourself. I have been entraining my self to the SELF over the course of my entire life - not because I set out to do it, but because somehow, for some reason, these spontaneous God-Frequency "drop-in reminders" just happened to me over and over again. Understand that when something like this occurs, you can go one of two ways - completely mad or make a determined effort to integrate it. I do notice progress in being able to carry greater degrees of the God Frequency in my body and being, and the "talking myself into it" part gets shorter and shorter in duration, but it truly is a never-ending series of stretching exercises with no goal or end in sight. It's been my secret up until now, not because I wanted to keep it from anyone, but because I had no words for it, and no obvious audience. Something has changed over the past year. Perhaps my translating skills have improved, I don't know, and frankly I don't need to know.

I'm writing this just a few days away from Christmas - the celebration of of the birth of Christ. Some of Jesus' messages have come through the Bible pretty accurately and they are quite beautiful and inspiring. I know this because of my body's feeling indicators, not because any preacher-man said I should "believe it or burn in hell". I honestly know that Jesus was present on Earth to help "change our minds" from fear to Love; from smallness to Grandness; from lies to Truth. He was one of many teachers to come and demonstrate these empowering Life principles; to inspire us to invite and integrate the God Frequency into our own conscious awareness on Earth. Then came religion... (What the *&@# happened there?)

Never mind that for now. "We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone" (excerpt from the above quote). Therefore, this Christmas I shall be celebrating the birth of this Christ-Light-Glory in you and I, and every human being on this gorgeous planet we call Home.

Happy Holidays to all and we'll see you in the New Year! This will be my last post in 2006.

Under the Sun

2006-12-17T17:57:00.000-08:00

Well I thought I was done writing for my new CD but this song insisted on coming over the past few days. I'd like to share it here and dedicate it to my blogger friend Tree. Maybe it's for her? I don't know. I never really know the mysteries behind songwriting.

Incidentally, I'm traveling to Santa Fe, New Mexico in February to record my 3rd solo CD and maybe do a few shows. Yay!

I'm very happy.

powered by ODEO

The Season for Receiving

2006-12-14T11:00:00.000-08:00

I have a rather unique holiday-time lesson this year - learning how to receive. What is it about our culture that strongly influences us to "close the receiving door" - calling it 'selfish' and self-centered to turn the giving machine back towards ourselves? I for one never had much in the way of role models to demonstrate the fine art of receiving.

If I were a company I would've gone out of business long ago. My 'shipping door' has always been very active. My company is great at shipping and accounts payable, while receiving and accounts receivable aren't managed very well at all. All of this has been brought to the forefront of my consciousness due to my physical body demanding that we take a closer look at these imbalances.

For the past few weeks I have been suffering from a very painful form of tendinitis in my left shoulder. When I tuned in and asked for healing and help, I got the above message about receiving. I love how there always seems to be a teaching or message before the body will put any energy into healing and restoration. Once I 'get it', or a client 'gets it', and begins to apply what the feeling-physical body has suggested, there is a graceful movement and transformation to achieve balance once again. I love that!

Yesterday I had a client who said she didn't feel comfortable making a donation for a session ahead of time. She wanted proof first that my healing-guidance sessions had value to her before she pulled out her credit card. Whenever anyone asks for help, I immediately do prayer work whether they offer cash resources or not. This work isn't about money, and my guidance has made this very clear. Let's just say that my income arrives by donations, as well as in other ways - ways that have been for the most part unpredictable.

Following Guidance, I set up a session for this person. A few minutes before the scheduled time, I did my usual meditative prayer requests and then I asked for an opportunity to receive something wonderful from the session. Long story short, I got to experience first hand what it's like to try to enter someone else's receiving department to offer a gift when the person I'm working with has more defenses than Fort Knox. My work is not intellectual. I must find a feeling-heart opening in order to begin receiving guidance and wisdom to pass on to the client. Alas, there was no entry here. I stopped the session and wished her well in finding what she needed elsewhere.

It was a gift for me to experience what it must be like for Spirit interacting with me sometimes - attempting to respond to my requests with lots of incoming goodness while I'm too busy and distracted with the pouring out of energy over in the shipping department.

So as terribly selfish as it sounds, my homework these days is to continue to ask for, and be open to an abundance of opportunities to receive. In other words, I am learning how to experience the 'gift' of receiving graciously.

I'll keep you posted on my progress. Meanwhile, I'd really love to hear from readers about their experiences around the fine art of receiving. Has this ever been an issue with you?

Tis the Season for Receiving!

Imagine That

2006-12-11T14:39:00.000-08:00

My own soul
Taught me how to pray.
Imagine that.
One day I noticed
My passing away.
How could I be dead
And still be walking on Earth?
That's what happens here
In the land of opposites,
In the "land-of-the-free-
But-only-if-you-work"...

And pay taxes of course.

So the soul said,
"Prayer is really just a way to remember
That there is a bridge from death to Life --
From slumber to lucidity ."
Same with singing,
Dancing,
Laughter,
The movement of grief...

So many ways to pray.

I began and always begin,
Right where I am -
After the usual lines of defense
Grow weary and thin.
Funny how things have to be dire first.
We become dismayed by
Signs of our own decay
And finally cry out.
Thankfully there is something within
That wants to live.
There is something within
That knows what Life is.
Funny how the soul really does
Hear the call...

And responds.

They call that 'God' or 'Angels'
Or something 'otherly' like that.
But I know
It was my own soul
That taught me how to pray
My self awake...

Imagine that.

Blobs & Floaters on the Screen of Life

2006-12-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

floater |ˈflōtər| |ˌfloʊdər| |ˌfləʊtə|
noun
• a loose particle within the eyeball that is apparent in one's field of vision.

My own opthamologist told me last year not to concern myself with floaters. They are apparently quite common. So while at first I was alarmed, I eventually got used to having and accepting my own personal UFO fly-bys when I look at a book, a blank screen, a wall, or the sky.

"Apparent in one's field of vision" from the above definition is important. No other person can see our floaters. They may lay claim to their own, but only we can see our own floaters. (For those young'uns who don't know what I'm talking about, I hope you never have them, but for some of us they showed up in the late thirties and early forties.)

So far this may sound rudimentary and obvious, but I was setting things up for my big analogy... unacknowledged feelings are like having floaters without the understanding that their source lies within. If I don't understand that floaters are coming from my own retinal issues, I'm setting myself up for trouble. With this fundamental misperception, I might have the tendency to become fearful of these dark blobs that seem to appear on other people and things in my outer world. And with this misunderstanding, I might run like hell to escape them! But an interesting thing happens when we try to run away from our own misperceptions, from our own glaring blobs. It's not long after we escape "the old, or past blobs" that we settle down into a new environment with seemingly new, fresh and blob-less faces (blobs are temporarily suspended from view in the state of eros) that we are filled with the feeling of, "Now, finally, everything will be wonderful!" In other words, our future looks bright. But sooner or later those pesky blobs start appearing again. And then you may ask yourself, why do I continue to attract people into my life that have these moving gray/black blobs on them? We can see the ridiculousness of this with the idea of retinal floaters, so why is it not as obvious for us to see the floaters or blobs of our unexpressed feelings for what they are? We all know this one... "This isn't my fault! After all, you're the one with a blob on your face!"

We could also use the film projector/screen analogy here as well. Whatever feelings that remain tucked away in what you have convinced yourself is a safe, secret hideaway, will in fact eventually get broadcast onto the screen of your life. This is especially so now with Creation frequency (light) being broadcast into our reality at an ever-increasing rate. Imagine the Light of Creation pouring through you from behind. You are the projector and lens. How clean is your lens? Got any floaters? Whatever is on your lens is going to block or create an even more contrasting shadowy effect on your screen.

When we go to a movie and immerse ourselves into the plot, the characters, and the scenery, we may temporarily lose ourselves in the story, but we do have the overall understanding that this is a story that someone else wrote and produced into an audio-visual form that we can all experience in this way. Most of us who consider ourselves sane, would never think of standing up in the theater and trying to intervene with the plot or the characters, or take off running across the beautiful field of spring flowers with the frolicking young starlets on the screen. We sit quietly and enjoy the unfolding of someone else's story. We call it "entertainment".

What about your story? Perhaps you don't consider yourself a filmmaker or producer, but really you are. You watch your own story unfold every day of your life. In most stories we are accustomed to having a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning seems to come about out of our history, or the past. The end seems to be about just that - the imagined end or 'suggestion' of the future of our story. What I'd like to direct your attention to is the middle of your story, or what is occurring for you right now in this moment. You can't truly live in the beginning of your story, or in the ending of it for that matter. In reality you can only live now - the place where the perceptions of beginnings and endings is always changing; the place where your Source, or Light, comes pouring through. We are all projectors of consciousness. If there is something blocking the projection, or the passing through of pure Love, it will be made visible in your story on your screen.

Additionally, we can become convinced that someone else's story or interpretation of life is true as well. Remember the old 1950's horror flick called "The Blob"? (Steve McQueen's first big starring role.) I remember being absolutely terrified watching that as a child in the 70's. It was a horror film then, while today it is more of a comedy to me. Why is that? As a child I suppose everything is interpreted as 'real'. The point is, this was definitely someone else's scary story - someone else's projection onto the screen. I bought it. I thought it was real. Yet today that same blob monster on the screen makes me smile.

Now I have to say that never once - even before I learned about what a floater was - did I actually think that those floaters belonged to others, but you get my drift. My opthamologist pretty much said, "Get used to it." So I have. I've gone from, "What the hell is that?" to smiling about the 'joys' of aging.

"Floaters are painless and harmless. Your brain learns to ignore them, so they seem less bothersome and eventually settle to the bottom of the vitreous." -- courier-journal.com

So the moral of the story is, bring on the light and don't take yourself so seriously that you can't acknowledge your own floaters and blobs. Feelings must be spoken to be seen for what they are - harmless floating debris. Acknowledging your feelings leads you back to the present moment, or the middle of your story. And that's where we can let it go and let it all settle to the bottom of the vitreous (whatever that is).

We can accept the fact that our screens will always have varying degrees of a brightness and shadowy effect because that is the nature of a dualistic world. As the light grows in intensity we can choose to remain unconscious, afraid, and seemingly at the mercy of these blobs (complete with dramatic orchestral theme music), or we can choose to be conscious, alive, and simply play with this amazing dance of light. After all, you are the light, the projector, the lens, the screen, the theater, the actors and all of the props. Smile... and enjoy the show!

Love is Calling

2006-12-02T14:17:00.000-08:00

Most of us are familiar with the phrase, "choosing love or fear". This is a significant phrase to me because it changed my life back in the early 90's. Before I was aware of this phrase in my everyday world, it was given to me in a particularly terrifying event that some refer to as "alien abduction". Incidentally, I've never liked that term. It's more like having someone turn your TV (programming) off for you and then lift you off of the sofa of your human comfort zone to then interact with a greater sense of reality and the consciousness that resides or has a point of reference there. So for the time being I prefer the temporary labeling of "experiencer" or "contactee" with More. It was terrifying initially, but the message given to me in the interaction helped me to 'grow out of ' the fear. I was informed in this particular interaction, as journaled in May of 1991, that I had a choice in how I could experience this "meeting" - I could choose Love or I could choose fear. I chose Love. There were many uncomfortable incidents like this that came before, but every incident that followed began with only a minimal amount of discomfort, which I learned to consciously recognize as the first clue that pure Love was calling, knocking on my door yet again. And each time that I consciously opened the door, I was brought to an ecstatic state of Oneness.

I understand now that "love or fear" was a translation into human terms for me at this particular time/space focus. Sometimes 'heavenly' translations into a more dense view of the world are not exactly accurate, but serve the purpose of getting a point across in that moment. Translation from a larger view is a sort of trans-dimensional reach into a more densely focused reality to inspire and encourage a raising of consciousness (also my definition of art). And I found that these moments of opportunity ultimately lead to new moments where we can continue to embrace a more expanded level of conscious awareness or a larger sense of the truth of who we are. In May of 1991 I responded to this "meeting with a greater awareness" by choosing Love. I let go of my resistance to it, thereby initiating an ongoing conscious dance with Love, which surprisingly did not lead me away from my earth experience, but rather led me towards the embodiment of Love in human form.

The larger truth that evolved out of the original "choosing love or fear" phrase, led me to embrace something more like this: "choosing between Love and resistance to Love". I became aware that it wasn't so much of an either/or decision, but rather the knowing that Love is all there is. Resistance to Love is what produces a fearful or anxious state that we then project onto other as "evil". And, make no mistake about it, resistance to Love also sets us up to project power, authority, and 'goodness' onto 'other' as well. Cutting ourselves off from this Central Source sets up something to the effect of a closed circuit system - one that receives no new or larger-view input. Therefore, we remain 'comfortably numb' in this unnatural state until painful events are introduced into what we once 'thought' to be a manageable system - strongly encouraging us to grow up and out of the status quo.

I'd like to take a couple of famous quotes about fear and replace it with my new-found translation.

"Fear is not the natural state of civilized people." --Aung San Suu Kyi

becomes, "Resistance to Love is not the natural state of civilized people."

"Feel the fear and do it anyway." --Susan Jeffers

becomes, "Feel the resistance of Love and allow it anyway."

The world is changing. I've noticed recently in watching mainstream TV that the "idea" of embracing your feelings (which every human being is aware on some level is ultimately "feeling where we resist Love"), is becoming popular. When these 'ideas' are discussed on "Oprah", "Ellen", and the "Larry King" shows, we know that something has shifted in a big way. I celebrate this when I see it. I also become aware that feeling our fears (resistance to Love) and discussing our fears are two very different things. I understand that this is how humans evolve - slowly new "ideas" are introduced and then we have discussions about them and around them by the "leading experts" or "authorities" in psychology, theology, science, etc. This seems to give everyday folk like us a certain sense of 'permission' to discuss it around the water cooler because we heard it on TV or read it in a NY Times Bestseller book. Then comes integration. These "ideas" can be integrated into our vast books of knowledge from the intellectual perspective, to be filed away for future reference and pontification, but true evolution occurs when we integrate and fully accept or own these ideas by embodying them.

Soon we will make the leap from from talking about feeling and knowing in the form of concepts that we volley to and fro, to FEELING and KNOWING on an experiential level - a level that invites the physical body to be a powerful friend and ally in this evolution of the Divine Human. There are no scholarly or practical 'experts' on the planet that can do this for you. As fun as it is to project our fears (resistance to Love) as well as our power and authority onto others, slowly but surely throughout history we have been backing our limited view of the self into the proverbial corner of consciousness to fully feel where we resist Love, acknowledge it, let the resistance go, and allow our Central Power to be present here and now. (Previously being the "idea" of power that we have been intellectually volleying as well.)

Perhaps you are smiling and nodding now as you read because you know by heart what I am attempting to express in words. For those who have an "idea" that they might be headed for an evolutionary upgrade in consciousness, I can't tell you what that will look like for you, but I can tell you from my experience that it's crazy beautiful. And it will transform not only you, and the image that you have of you, but it will magically (naturally) transform the collective world around you. And this is the evolutionary collective consciousness transformation that the great civilizations of past have foretold - preparing us for this exciting change through their art, symbol, and story. This is the transformation that so many of us have been waiting for. And it is now.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not [resist not Love]: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. --Luke 2:10

So next time you feel afraid, remind yourself that this is simply a clue that Love is calling. These days I like to encourage folks to consciously turn off the TV (program), get up off of the sofa, and open the door that leads directly to More.

Waters Rising

2006-11-27T14:11:00.000-08:00

Waters rising,
Creation on the move,
The old view of me
Conditioned by those
Who have not yet flown
Who have not yet seen,
Now swirling in vortex
Back to the sea.

I am no longer
The frightened twig,
Nestled in the pocket of
What I once called 'security'.
Today I am as sure as I can be,
There is no safety
In the collecting of debris,
For nothing can resist
The urge of the natural world
To dynamically be.

I am becoming like the water
The wind
The earth
And the sun.
These elements do not shy away
From what they are,
It does not even dawn on them
To be other than
The cosmic song.
Man seems to think he has dominion,
From a dangerous and literal view,
But like fences in a flood,
Concepts do drown
In the midst of a larger truth.

The water does not reason with the moon,
There is only knowing
That now is the time to rise
And now is the time to move.
I pray for my own surrender
Into this raw and earthy flow,
That up to now
I have but flirted with,
Feeling generous,
In the dipping in
Of one big toe.

I have to say,
Water has always inspired me,
Sitting safely on the grassy bank.
Times are changing though,
Waters are rising,
Creation is on the move.
Please don't be confused
Or surprised
That it very much includes
You and I.
The sanctuary of shore
Is part of the dream -
Like a staging spot to more.
It is alright to be frightened
Before the dive,
They say it passes quickly,
Just like time.

Sacred Blossoming

2006-11-22T16:43:00.000-08:00

The heart is ready to manifest
In your everyday life.
If you are feeling sad, stuck,
Tired or unhealthy,
It may be that your heart
Has grown weary of captivity.
Does it need a bit more room to
Breathe?
Go ahead,
Breathe in and be welcoming of it.
Breathe out and let others see...
They might appreciate a glimpse.
You may have been talked into
A limited reality,
Just know you can talk yourself
Out of it anytime you wish.
Go ahead,
Feel out loud.
Speak
Cry
Sing
Shout
Dance
And laugh!
Be a quickening
Of color
In time.
Won't you please be the beauty that you are?
We do appreciate the view...
This sacred blossoming
Into you.

When you are being you, your gratitude shows.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Heartbeat

2006-11-19T16:39:00.000-08:00

Only mouths are we. Who sings the distant heart
which safely exists in the center of all things?
His giant heartbeat is diverted in us
into little pulses. And his giant grief
is, like his giant jubilation, far too
great for us. And so we tear ourselves away
from him time after time, remaining only
mouths. But unexepectedly and secretly
the giant heartbeat enters our being,
so that we scream ----,
and are transformed in being and in countenance.

A Poem by Ranier Maria Rilke

(Translated by Albert Ernest Flemming)

Wordless Blogging

2006-11-17T10:22:00.000-08:00

I have been doing a whole lot of book writing over the past week, but nothing that I can say feels complete enough to post here. The knowing wisdom comes in the vision/feeling state first - images that I then translate into words the best I can. It's the translation to the English language that has a tendency to exhaust me in the end.

In this visionary/knowing state everything just "is" and is fully understood without words. There's not even an Eileen to 'get it'. When Eileen does reappear there is inspiration to share what I have been made aware of, so I launch into cherry-picking the right words and phrases to match the knowing-vision feeling and things do flow for a while... until the fatigue begins to come over me. It's at this point that I wonder if this whole word translation thing is pointless. Music is easier.

Life is an eternally dynamic and ever-changing unfolding of consciousness. Our observations can only be temporary. Why bother putting Love into a box? It will always feel like Love, but in the very next day... or even hours later, it could be translated into a thousand other different ways. I found great value in writing words before, and I could keep trying if I chose to I suppose, but I guess I'm saying that I don't need to anymore. In fact it feels pretty silly and arrogant on my part to take this proactive approach to explaining the nothingness and everythingness all at the same time. Yet I do notice in my spiritual work that if there is a sincere question or need presented, something larger than me responds and translation is not as difficult. Maybe Love is simply a responding energy... feminine...

I've been saying my feelings out loud for quite some time now.

I found the God current.
It flows so freely beneath
What was once a cluttered stream.
Forgive me,
It is too much work
To take this blessed Peace
And fit it into words.

I give up... at least for today. I don't judge 'giving up' as bad. It is in fact a huge relief to me. So I ask my readers to join me in my celebration of letting go of the need to put LIFE into words. Today I choose to be LIFE.

Thank you.

Free Hugs!

2006-11-15T09:32:00.000-08:00

It will be a few days until my next sharing here so I thought I'd leave you with something inspiring and uplifting about everyday folk. Perhaps you know about Juan Mann and his wonderful story. I just found out about it.

This is the original video.

This is one of the follow ups:

For more information, including more on Juan's story, go to: FreeHugsCampaign.org
And see how Free Hugs has evolved into: FreeHelpCampaign.org

The Unthinkable

2006-11-10T13:22:00.000-08:00

Your feeling nature is a direct conduit to knowing, or embodying the Divine. Now please don't be intimidated by the word or concept of "Divine". Divinity is your natural state - something that you already are but perhaps have just lost touch with. The trees are Divine; the mountains, the fish, the clouds, the planets, the sea, the animals, the stones and the soil. Rarely are we intimidated by a tree. Yet there it stands - one with All of Creation. Outside of our religious imagery of Buddha, how often do we see devotees sitting at or around the roots of a tree asking to receive the teachings on how to be natural again? I'm not afraid to say that I've been there at the foot of several trees, but only because I gave up on the world providing any acceptable answers. Incidentally, I have also found that ordinary looking stones can act as wonderful conduits to the natural state as well. But again, you have to ask.

Feelings seem to be scary to most people I've met. I understand why, because after all I joined the ranks in this realm with the same 'sense' of separation - seemingly in a separate body, with separate thoughts, separate feelings, and a separate life from everyone else. I received the same conditioning. I know the routine. Although the difference I have seen between myself and other humans that I know, is that I was never successful at stuffing my feelings. If I stuffed my feelings I would get sick - you know, almost instantaneously. So naturally, in order to survive I HAD to figure out this whole feeling and emotion thing. Thus my unfolding work with Feelings Aloud and Harmonic Entrainment*. So these days, my mantra has moved more in the direction of, "If you fear it, die into it!" Yes, feeling your feelings can sometimes feel like dying. But I'm not talking about chucking the body and making a beeline for "Heaven"; it is a dying while you remain in form so that you may clear the path for "Heaven" in you.

The way I see it, we were born here in our natural state as balanced masculine and feminine beings who knew only the Natural World; then we were conditioned into a primarily masculine, intellectual realm. I feel that this is all that we are now 'dying' to be set free from - in order to be born again into our balanced state. And to find that balanced state again, we are faced with diving back into the great (some feel terrifying) feminine abyss where all of the rest of our consciousness has been set aside for a time. Have you noticed that the Feminine Presence is both vehemently hated and passionately desired in this realm? It is like great art - it either inspires or disturbs. Somehow on some basic and purely fundamental level, we know that we must literally die in the arms or on the altar, so to speak, of that Feminine Presence in order to pass back through - to not only freedom from the limiting human intellect's ideas and concepts, but freedom to embody all that we say that we want to create in our world - Peace, Love, Joy, Truth. We will never "change the world" as many of us say we want to do if we are relying solely on our existing masculine intellectual operating system. Ghandi's timeless statement still rings loud and true:

"You must BE the change you wish to see in the world."

In other words, we must embody the peace, embody the love, embody the wisdom, in order to manifest these qualities in the physical realm. Of course we may initiate change within this intellectual dream world and bring about brief moments of human peace and balance, but I believe Ghandi was speaking about the more lasting human evolutionary change that is occurring - whether we die into it consciously or unconsciously. If we are currently embodying stuffed unexpressed feelings. Guess what? You are going to see that on the screen of your personal as well as collective world. On the other hand, if you clear the way for your embodiment of Love, you will experience Love everywhere in your world! It's really quite simple.

So in my ongoing passionate investigation between 'This' and 'that', or 'Divinity' and 'humanity', I have resolved a few things within myself. I managed to put two and two together... or one and one, I should say. As I have reported throughout both of my blogs, I have had my share of transcendental experiences. Not because I pronounced myself a 'seeker' and went looking for them, but rather, they seemed to come looking for me. This is not typical, I know. But that's what I have. So what this does is it changes you forever - very simply put. Once you experience the Oneness, you just can't go backwards to that ignorant human bliss. This is a wonderful thing! But it doesn't always feel that way. Actually, it can be quite lonely. I can tell you that back then I could find no book and no teacher in human form to fully ex-plain (meaning to reduce or translate meaning into one narrow plane) what was happening to me, or through me. So I took great comfort in talking out loud to the trees, the stones, the animals, the streams, and my own heart. They are our greatest teachers, but I found that I had to be willing to honestly and innocently talk out, or give voice to all that I took in throughout my life and accepted as 'real' in this realm. I didn't know it at the time, but I was doing this in order to make way for my re-identification to the natural feeling frequency and language of Creation that lay beneath all of those emotion-packed words. And this is how we begin to en-train or synchronize our heart, voice, physical bodies and activity to the Natural World once again. When the Sea of Creation lives and flows through us, the outer world simply mirrors this natural balanced Wholeness that we have accepted as our own.

I have read a few others' experiences around becoming 'enlightened', and I have to say that sometimes it hurts my head. I mean that literally. I am aware of the enormous need to share these break through experiences of Oneness with others, but when it's translated in a mental way it makes me wonder if the enlightenment is simply a masculine form of enlightenment. In other words, a sudden freedom or release from the prison of ideas and concepts is a good thing. (Yes! I celebrate that.) But now what? You may have your waves of connectedness with the One Mind, but let's face it, every morning we're still waking up here - still seemingly separate in bodies and lives and societies. I understand that truly there isn't anything to achieve anymore in the world, nothing we MUST do; and we can certainly laugh a lot about how we once THOUGHT all of that actually meant something, but I mean really, after we get over the giddiness of it all, what does it mean to be an enlightened or awakened human? Why are we still here?

What are you feeling? Right now in this moment... what are you feeling? Do you even know? Say it out loud. I'll wait...

OK. That's a good start. Really. Whatever just happened with you, you are on your way to becoming aware of your feminine feeling nature. Because in this moment, that single first feeling will lead you to all other feelings - like a thread. And not that this is a goal, but I found that if you continue to tug on it and give voice to what comes into your feeling consciousness in a consistent way, it will unravel. And perhaps one day you may feel yourself not only clear, open and directly connected to, but actually embodying and demonstrating Benevolent Creation itself. Viola! Welcome to the Natural World. Welcome to your Natural State. Welcome Home. Welcome to an enlightenment that not only includes, but celebrates your physical form!

I believe we have been exposed to a masculine world, as well as a masculine version of enlightenment as our pathway to freedom from the limitations of this primarily mental operating system. My question to this world is, how about a feminine feeling approach to enlightenment? You don't really have to answer that. It's certainly not something you can think about. Let's just frame it in this way: Feminine enlightenment is freedom from the human emotions that are glued to mental concepts, beliefs and ideas, so that we may now experience our natural feeling state and thus consciously re-enter the Sea of Creation while still in form. A tree, a stone, a river, a mountain - they all embody Creation, and they naturally live, move, change, and have their being within this Sea. Why not us?

Who would've thought that Nature would be our greatest teacher and inspiration to take that next step forward in the evolution of human consciousness?

Un-thinkable!

*The phrase "Harmonic Entrainment to the God Frequency" came to me in a dream state as a way to describe the healing work that I naturally do. More on this in a future post.

The Breeze at Dawn

2006-11-06T15:22:00.000-08:00

"For years, copying other people, I tried to know myself. From within, I couldn't decide what to do. Unable to see, I heard my name being called. Then I walked outside. The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want. Don't go back to sleep. People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open. Don't go back to sleep." -- Rumi

I would have to say that Rumi is one of my all-time favorite poets. When I discovered Rumi... I mean really discovered Rumi - meaning that I could actually hear and take in the wisdom - I was in my early thirties. I came alive. I became so alive that in those days I wept quite often. My heart broke wide open because it could no longer contain the levels of Love that were visited upon me. Just to know that there had been another human on the planet that felt and experienced these things, and did not immediately cage it and develop products and workshops around it, was enough to keep me going... and then some. Not that I haven't gotten a lot out of products and workshops in the past, but you know what I mean.

I know I am blessed and I express my gratitude on a daily basis - sometimes several times a day - speaking, singing, laughing, creating, and feeling... everything. It is the only way that I can survive the joy that I feel in the "breeze of dawn" - and all of the glorious "secrets" that she tells.

Rumi inspires me, and no matter what's going on around me, his poetry always helps me to feel that things are getting better.

[Song removed 11/13/06]

Be the Balance

2006-11-03T12:36:00.000-08:00

In the past several weeks I have been aware of several people who have experienced a significant loss in their lives. I am also aware of the collective human feeling, which I have naturally perceived since I was a young child, that 'something' that was just always there, and assumed would always be there, has now seemingly disappeared or vanished into thin air. So whether there was an actual physical loss of a loved one that the survivor 'assigned' that 'something' quality to, or whether there is just a sudden feeling of being alone and disconnected, it is truly all the same.

I was shown an image in my feeling-communion state a few mornings ago that our personal, as well as collective, spiritual training wheels are coming off now. This is a good thing! Remember that feeling you had as a child when that very special day arrived to remove those extra-balancing training wheels? If you were like me, you were ready. But not without that strange mix of elation and terror all at the same time. There was also that knowing feeling that somehow, in some unknown way, you would need to BE the balance that those training wheels were so comfortably providing for you for so long. This was not something that you could 'think' into being. This balance inevitably came through an actual physical, feeling, knowing experience.

Most of us can say that eventually we successfully found our balance without the training wheels. After moving through the fear of the unknown (and not without a few spills here and there along the way) we eventually found that magical balance within our own body and being and tore off into the larger world with the greatest of ease, enthusiasm, laughter, and joy.

It is my understanding that there are a few great teachers and angels (both embodied and disembodied) who are moving on from their service in our realm now - not because they have given up on us, but rather because they have every confidence in our ability to own those angelic qualities ourselves. At first we may feel a great fear in not perceiving the usual guidance, companionship, and extra balance there that we had come to unconsciously rely upon in these 'others'; yet the real gift for us in their seeming disappearance from our lives now is to graduate and move into a conscious embodiment of that knowing and balance within ourselves.

For now, it is all right to feel the fear and the elation all at the same time. Keep breathing, be patient, and know that your own power, strength, and creative ability is present and ready to be fully integrated into you and your experience of life on Earth. Individually, we will find our own balance in our own time. And when we do, we'll be collectively tearing off into the larger world with the greatest of ease, enthusiasm, laughter, and joy.

Ah, so many new possibilities.

Be sure to wave hello!

Iowa Joan

2006-10-30T18:05:00.000-08:00

Click to Play

I went cross country with my Dad in the Fall of 2006. (See my Trip Diaries starting here). I was lucky to find Joan in a small town in Iowa. She was more than happy to be interviewed for my Feelings Aloud Vlog Series. I used footage that I shot from other states because once I got into the editing (being a newbie and all) I realized that you need 10 times the footage that you think you need! The entire Midwest was clothed in Autumn so I don't think one could tell one state from the other. It was all beautiful!

Busy as a Bee

2006-10-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

"I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes."
e. e. cummings

I love that quote.

I am working on the next "Feelings Aloud Video", plus a little mini-documentary on my recent trip to the midwest, and saying "yes" to performing and recording music again (perhaps in the studio in January). Meanwhile I continue my spiritual healing work as well as my ongoing writing projects. I love it all, but I must add that blogging posts will not be as frequent here... for a time.

For now, follow the magic everyone!

Nice to Meet You. So What do you Do?

2006-10-23T14:33:00.000-07:00

am-bi-tion [Middle English ambicioun, excessive desire for honor, power, or wealth, from Old French ambition, from Latin ambitiō, ambitiōn-, from ambitus, past participle of ambīre, to go around (for votes).] -- American Heritage Dictionary

Worldy ambition? I've noticed that I don't seem to have any. Makes it kind of tough in this world. It certainly made things rough for me in the music business. That is, until I woke up one day and decided that dammit, Eileen Meyer sings for the joy of it, not for any expectation of money. That was freeing. It's taken me a whole year of recovery from the idea that I have to aggressively market my art in order to 'sing my heart out'. That's just plain weird. Marketing isn't my thing really. In fact, whenever I was in a position to reduce my art to a commodity, I completely lost interest. I feel this way about my spiritual work as well, although I do see it as all the same thing. These days I mostly give it away. And then there are those who come along and make "donations".

"Yeah, that's all good and fine," they say, "...but you gotta eat!"

Yeah. I gotta eat. I have to say though that over the last year I've never eaten better. But as I have reported here in the past, it was because I asked for Divine help during a particularly rough undercover investigation into all aspects relating to the human condition of "starving artist". True, the response came in the form of money, but it also came in the form of food, shelter, love, appreciation, opportunity, healing, and respect. The point is, I didn't directly ask people for money, food and shelter, I asked the 'God Frequency' for help in FEELING abundant, content, fulfilled, etc., in my life. And it came. Fascinating study.

I was particularly intrigued by the last phrase of the above word-origin description - "to go around for votes". I would have to say that I do relate to this in my musical marketing campaigns of the past... "Vote for me! Come to my concert! Sure, you could be out on the town, loud-music dancing and drinking and ultimately getting laid; but hey, during an Eileen Meyer 'show' you might actually feel your heart. And yeah, sure, it could also create a movement of feelings that you've worked so hard to suppress for so many years, but isn't it worth it to clear the heart and at least begin to make way to meet your maker? And if you think getting laid is the ultimate, just wait until you meet your maker while in form!"

"Meeting your maker" = death in this world. My developing work is about guiding people to meet their Maker while still in form. And yes, a certain death of an image or images is very much involved in the process. The phrase, "En-train-ment to the Divine", was given to me in a communion state as a suggestion for describing the indescribable work that I do with frequency in the form of music and spiritual healing work. This was followed up by that unexpected but lovable Spirit humor with, "...and sometimes while doing your work under the guise of 'performer' in a night club, "Enter-tain-ment to the Divine" is also a worthy description! (You know... for those who were more comfortable being introduced to a divine frequency with cigarette and drink in hand.)

Back to my non-ambitious work. When someone new is introduced to me, I always get that question. I'm sure you are familiar with it... "So you are Eileen? What do you do, Eileen?"

"Ur... um... well..."

or, "So you are Eileen? I hear you are a singer."

"Well, yes, there's that and..."

At this point I'm literally sending out my feelers to size up just how much time and available attention span I actually have from this person to cover ALL of what I do. Most people when asking this question are really seeking the answer to this, "Who pays you to do what?" It is this information that helps the questioner feel a certain level of comfort and safety in the categorization of this new and unknown human being in their midst. While there are the occasional few who do not require words and titles in order to feel comfortable with meeting a new person, more often than not I leave people feeling somewhat uncomfortable because I don't have the extra time and energy anymore to help them feel safe with known definitions in the midst of the vast unknown that lies beyond image. What comes to my mind here is all of those years throughout my life that I was suddenly and unexpectedly introduced to 'non-humans'. Some call them 'aliens'. I can assure you, they had no business cards, no titles, no company names. My initial response was, "Holy Shit! How do I categorize this!!!???" Others who have experienced this phenomenon will need no further 'word' explanation in order to relate to what I am saying - a nod and a wink does just fine. Uncomfortable with not having a convenient category? Welcome to my world. Welcome to my training to do the transformational work that I do.

Whenever I feel a certain level of ambition (indeed it still comes 'round), I have spent literally hours upon hours on Vistaprint.com trying to design and sum up on a business card what exactly it is that I do. I'm chuckling now as I write this because it truly is a comedy to witness. Understand now that I have no need to categorize my own work to myself. For God's sake, I know what I do! This is strictly my dedicated efforts to help others expand their people and job description categories.

Eileen Meyer
Human Investigator into the Divine (Reports available upon request)

Let's see... why would anyone require my services? Criminal investigation is a more sought after service in this world, but Divine Investigation? Not much interest so far - at least not for the blatantly non-religious category of divine investigators. After all, what are my credentials? Do I have references? Yes. But funny thing is, a lot of people don't even know that I'm working for them. There's not much notoriety and fame with what I do, that's for sure, but I do have to say, I deeply love the work.

from Vistaprint.com

As you can see, there wasn't enough room to finish my titles, let alone my contact information. Just FYI, the rest is... Food Lover (with a specialty in pastry), Breather, Laugher, Knower, etc.

A few weeks ago in an altered knowing state I heard, "You have all been humans - reaching to and communing with your divinity in a variety of human ways. It is time now in your evolution of consciousness to be Divine, where each of you will reach to and commune with humanity... in a variety of divine ways."

Now I'll vote for that!

Eileen Meyer
Divine Investigator and Communion-ator to Humanity (Reports available upon request)

Ah hell. When we're all voting for our own divinity to lead us through this human experience, and when we are divinely communing with each other, we certainly won't need cards (sorry Vistaprint).

Nor ambition.

As the Old Story Goes... (A Poem)

2006-10-20T13:37:00.000-07:00

"Dict-one-ary" - by Steve Panella

As the old story goes...we fit in here...unaware that we are informed by fear in this telling 3-D show...where safety is found in personality and ever-so defining roles...yet throughout this life I have watched my fellow actors find their mark and stay...and complain...so what do people do when these roles are stolen away?...they create new ones...characters acceptable and safe...replete with the playwright's purpose -- fill out the story and incessantly repeat...

I am at the edge of my seat and the edge of this world...rooting for all dedicated actors to awaken into the greater Life...beyond the stage...beyond the place of numbing comfort...history dictates that nobody knows or even cares what this might look like...even though teachers have come to offer the rich and multi-view...alas we choose to kill and worship them...making it blasphemous and arrogant to seek what we already perceive to be...an unobtainable role...so we continue to recite our lines...bide our time...and die to find the light.

My heart is with the homeless...the tortured artist...the child who is 'different'...for they live on the fringe... lonely...confused...lacking only in worldly ambition...they cause much discomfort to the busy and bustling show...for the truth they live cannot help but provoke...until the day of no-time, that is...where all will die and remain..."As above so below", they say.

And as the old story goes...so does the script and every bit role...ah to be present and know...that Thy Grace is more than enough...and with this we welcome the Soul... informed by Love...we become...the greatest story ever told.

We've Seen the Angel...

2006-10-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

I wrote and submitted an article several months ago entitled, "We've Seen the Angel, and the Angel is Us". It was published this month in a wonderful online magazine called PlanetLightworker.com. A subscription is required to read it. For those who are not subscribers and would like to hear one of my musical interpretations on the same theme as the article, I offer it here:

"This Heart"

powered by ODEO

Where the Sheep and the Antelope Play (Chapter 6)

2006-10-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

Just a few miles down the freeway from Trucker Man and Rose, another fun and unusual thing happened. My dad and I had been talking and we somehow got to reviewing the past and why I made the choices in life that I did. I have to say that my dad has come a long way in understanding his daughter, but there was a time that I caused him nothing but frustration and grief. I am definitely different. There's no doubt about it. I've always told my dad that his blessing in life was that he could always comfortably and successfully fit into the box. Me? I'm a metaphysical, out-of-the-box gypsy type. I'm with Frank Sinatra, I did it... and continue to do it my way.

I told my dad that I felt that one of the defining moments in my life was about 13 years ago when I was informed by a doctor that I needed to have part of my cervix cut out due to the cancer cells that were creeping around and setting up camp there. During that time I hated my life. I hated that I hated my life. I knew that life could be so much more. It was as if the cancer cells were screaming at me to LIVE dammit! Don't just settle for the status quo! Clearly this way of life that I had been living was threatening to kill me. It was in and around that time that I sat down and had my own 'conversation with God'.

I can't recall exactly what I said, but it was something like this: "God, I'd like to stick around here on Planet Earth. I realize that this is a wake up call for me. I've known for years now that I'm not living the life that my soul or heart of hearts intended. I'm ready to change. I'm ready to live fully. But I have to admit, I'm not seeing my way out of this from here, and all of the conventional ways don't seem very helpful either. I don't know what I'm doing. Please show me. I'm willing to listen to you and follow your guidance always."

I remember it now as if it were yesterday. I then stuck out my right hand and imagined a handshake with God. The deal was sealed.

Father/Mother God has not let me down since I made that commitment. I suppose it's because I've kept my part of the bargain - staying in the moment and listening, having no other gods before me, seeking the highest resonant truth always. I have to say that it's a challenge to co-develop your own spiritual discipline with your Creator and then stick with it, but so far it's worked very well for me. I still make mistakes; I still forget the guidance I've been given from time to time; fear happens along when I least expect it, but I can honestly say that I am living quite joyfully now.

So in my I-80 reflections into the past with my father, I came upon the now healed and integrated but still memorable feeling of a lifetime of pain around being so very different. In a powerfully present moment with my dad I said, "I know that my lifestyle is very different from yours, dad. I know that this has caused you grief and worry, but I can honestly say now that I am finally accepting of, and truly value myself for being... different.

In that exact moment, I glanced off to the field on my right and there stood two antelope to the left of the scene, just a few feet across from one solitary sheep to the right. They weren't doing anything really, except just looking at each other. I chuckled at the synchronicity of it and the cosmic humor that I so often experience and enjoy in my life. There were no other sheep or antelope around as far as the eye could see. It wasn't until miles later that I noticed a herd of sheep closed up in a fenced area off to the right side of the road. I knew that this was where that solitary sheep was 'supposed' to be.

Now let's not try to bring in the usual 'sheep' cliches, metaphors or allegories. I don't see myself as a 'lost sheep', nor a 'black sheep' as they say. I don't feel like Jesus is out there looking for me to bring me back to the fold. I'd like to create a new sheep exemplum. (I'd like due credit please for the use of such a big word.) I am like a sheep that just couldn't be contained. I'm the kind of sheep that likes to get out and commune with the more wild and out-of-the-box type beings because they inspire me and help me to feel good about who I am. More importantly, I learn that it's OK to not fit into the fenced arena. Could it be that the unconventional sheep I saw was perhaps chatting or even interviewing the antelope? Perhaps this particular sheep has the equivalent of a blog in her community and she's out acquiring new material to report back to the herd. It isn't that she's rejected or dislikes the herd, she just likes to get out and play with the antelope every now and again.

One of my greatest joys is that I have a venue like this in which to share my observations... in hopes of inspiring other sheep to explore the wide open fields and to know that it's OK to be more, to expand your life outside the fence, and to have an occasional chat with someone who appears to be and live very differently from you. Sometimes we need a little open space to 'hear' God, or to see a new path. How can we hear or see something new when all that we we are exposed to is the corral and the corralled sheep?

I feel so blessed in my evolving exploration, communion and partnership with God. I'm so glad that I decided to stick around and make a stronger, more direct connection to my Creator. I have to say that exploring outside the box has proved to be quite rewarding for me. Now all I have to say to you is, find ways to explore outside the realm of what you have been told is true,

and LIVE dammit!

Side note: As I finished typing this today, I looked up at the exact moment of completion to see our car passing a giant trailer, very colorfully painted with sheep grazing on the beautiful countryside. It said, "Utah Wool Growers Association". I'm chuckling again.

Trucker Man and Rose (Chapter 5)

2006-10-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

I am writing this as my dad and I are heading west on I-80 - back through Wyoming again. It's been a very long day on the road. I've been feeling a little sad. About 100 miles back at a truck stop I had an opportunity to interview somebody for a Feelings Aloud video but I blew it because I'm so exhausted. I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night. Just one of those things. It has also been very, very cold. We are fortunate to be driving through the areas that already received their blanketing of snow and we are safely moving along in the sunny aftermath. I say 'sunny' because the sun is out, but the temperatures have been in the 30's... don't forget to add the wind chill factor. It felt like 10 degrees!

We stopped at a roadside rest stop and while my dad went inside to phone ahead a hotel reservation, I watched a very odd scene unfold in front of me during my sidewalk calisthenics. A truck driver was walking his kitten. Now understand, this kitten behaved just like a puppy or a dog. Every time the trucker would walk, the kitten would follow. Everytime he stopped, the kitten would stop. I watched the trucker stand motionless at one point to watch the little chipmunks racing about. He would glance back at the kitten to see how she might react to these scurrying little picnic-seeking animals... testing her early instincts I suppose. The little grey kitten really had no interest in the chipmunks. Her present moment joy was to rub all over and crawl between the trucker's feet, rolling on his shoes, doing everything she could to demonstrate her utter devotion to him.

When trucker man got closer to me I struck up a conversation with him. He introduced me to Rose. Rose is grey with two, possibly three white socks. Rose said 'hello' in her little kitten voice. Just being polite I suppose because clearly Rose only had eyes for her trucker man. She was deeply in love. Turns out he found her on the side of the highway... abandoned. You bet Rose loves her trucker! Nameless trucker said that he realizes most truckers have dogs, but he thought he would be different.

At this point I should've gotten the video camera out. I couldn't. I just wanted to stay in the moment with this lovely story unfolding before me. And I was too tired to rummage through the car to find the camcorder, find the right tape, load it in, and document it in my log. Ugh!! I need a camera man (or woman) to travel with me who is always ready at a moment's notice! I can dream, can't I? (No digital camera either. The battery died and a replacement is not carried in any store!)

Back to trucker man and Rose. Apparently Rose is 'truck trained' already. He's had her since Sunday and she's only gone twice in the truck litter box that he set up for her, but mostly she goes outside when they stop at rest stops - like a dog!

I thanked trucker man for sharing little Rose and their lovely story with me. I was touched. Then I leapt into the car as soon as possible. I hadn't realized how frozen I was because I was so taken with this odd and loveable couple on the side of the road... somewhere off of I-80 in western Wyoming.

Trip Diary, Chapter 4

2006-10-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

Need I say more? So beautiful!

Actually, this was a shot that my Uncle Loren took and gave to me on a disc with many other fabulous Fall shots that I'm assuming he captured during more of the peak season.

We're leaving Wisconsin tomorrow morning. I've had a truly wonderful time seeing and visiting with family again. And the season's breathtaking beauty will be with me for some time to come I'm sure.

The visit with my childhood chum yesterday was a real treat, although in my opinion quite comical at times as we both stretched and strained to remember things from 35 years ago! The two years that I lived in Wisconsin as a child definitely conjure up the most cherished memories for me - the ones that are still accessible that is! We both decided that staying in touch via e-mail would be a welcome and rewarding experience.

I'll probably write more here once I'm back in California. Thanks everyone, for making the trip with me back to the midwestern portion of my childhood. It's been a real joy to have you along.

Trip Diary, Chapter 3

2006-10-06T07:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my dad and Uncle Rich and I went tootling (I think that's a word) around farm country north of La Crosse, Wisconsin. Beautiful! I wish I could post more digital shots of the autumn colors, but alas I've had my videocam pressed up against my eye so much that I forget to take regular pictures. The shot posted here was from a hike with my dad and Uncle Loren through a wildlife reserve today where the fall colors seemed to be fading a bit. It was still so beautiful. I saw lots of butterflies, white cranes, candian geese, a blue heron and a fast-moving fuzzy caterpillar.

We stopped off to visit my Aunt Arlene along the way. That was a real treat - mostly because I was able to tell her how much all of those childhood visits to their dairy farm meant to me. My aunt said that all the nieces and nephews seemed to feel the same. It's no wonder! How many kids get the gift of hanging out on a farm... minus the chores? Running through cow pastures (very carefully), communing with cows and barn cats, playing in the hay loft, riding on a tractor, harvesting vegetables in the bountiful garden, eating mass quantities of ice cream at the church socials next door, consuming huge yummy meals with more family members than you knew you had, and just generally squealing with delight from sunup to sundown. What a treasure those memories are. My aunt no longer lives on that farm, but it's still just right around the corner from where she lives now. On our way back out I asked my dad to pull into the driveway on the old farm. Apparently the family who owns it now was out of town but the farm hands said it was OK for me to wander about with my camera if it made me happy. It made me happy.

As soon as I stepped out of the car I was greeted by a 'guard cat'. I swear this little orange tabby felt it to be her duty to 'meow' and announce our arrival as loudly as possible. She followed me everywhere I went - with booming commentary the whole way. I peeked into the barn and saw a few kittens playing in the aisle between the two rows of dairy cows waiting to be milked. I said hello to a few of what could have been the descendants of the cows that I used to talk to when I was a little girl. My legacy on my aunt and uncle's farm was that because I found it a disgrace that the cows had no names on the little chalkboards above their barn stalls (only numbers) I was 'called' to name each and every one. And God bless my uncle. As busy as he was he managed to get a step stool, pull down each chalkboard and gradually over time had every intention of writing down the name that I assigned to all the cows - which must've been at least 30! My favorite cow on the farm was 'Spot'. I know that's an unusual name for a milking cow, but truly there was no better name for her. She sported a very distinct black circle on her left side. I loved that cow. Maybe it was wholly my childhood imagination, but she seemed to love me too.

We also stopped in Norwalk, Wisconsin yesterday and popped in on 85-year old Hilda. Hilda used to have a farm along with her sister and brother where my family bought fresh eggs so many times. She looked great. We sat down and talked for awhile before Hilda invited us to some fresh muffins that she had made that morning. The town was exactly as I remembered it - quiet, peaceful and slow - and a place where people still know their neighbors.

Tomorrow I'll be having lunch with one of my childhood chums. Let's see... was that 35 years ago? Whoo boy. Was it really that long ago? I tracked her down only because her mom and dad still live in the same house and more than likely still have the same phone number. Now that's impressive to a gypsy girl like me.

We'll be leaving Wisconsin on Monday - back to Southern CA. Sorry Santa Fe, New Mexico, I won't be dropping by this time... but sometime soon I hope. On Monday morning we'll be loading up the giant ice chest with Wisconsin meats to take back to all the California family members who know first hand how fabulous these weiners and bologna are. (I'll try to refrain from making a noticeable dent in the supply on the way home.)

I hope to have one more update here before departure. For now, I need to get ready for the Friday night fish fest. See you there!

Trip Diary, Chapter 2

2006-10-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

Where do I begin? I have so much to catch up on. First of all, I forgot to report in my last posting that the movie set in Albuquerque called me last Tuesday, the day before I left Hawaii. The casting company representative asked me if I could show up on Wednesday, the next day. Um. No. So that's it folks. You won't be seeing my smiling face in the diner scene in the upcoming feature film, "The Lost Room". It just wasn't meant to be.

A little correction from my Trip Diary Chapter 1... My friend Lori in San Diego sent me an e-mail today with the following:

"I can't write much now, but I did find a historical error in your Feelings Aloud blog. It was Brigham Young who made the trek out to Utah. Joseph Smith was murdered before Young took over the church and went out west. :-) "

Joseph Smith was murdered? Who knew? Lori knew. I stand corrected. So it's Brigham Young who knows a good spot when he sees one.

Nebraska actually went by pretty quickly. I do recall that it was quite pretty. Then came Iowa - beautiful rolling hills, farmland, nice wide-open freeways, and a great diner called "The Village" in the town of Walnut. When my dad and I walked into the place it was completely empty. Granted, it was 10 a.m., but to me it's a little ominous and disconcerting when you walk into an empty restaurant. It sort of feels like you're the only one who didn't 'hear the news'. I nervously commented to Joan, our waitress, that I noticed the cavernous feel to the place and she agreed that it was strange. Joan was blessed with a cheerful smile along with a set of comforting midwestern eyes, so I ordered eggs with pancakes. Yes. Pancakes! Breakfast was superb. No disappointments there. And then I asked Joan for a "Feelings Aloud" video interview. It was easy as pie because Joan had no other customers to wait on and she was a natural. What an inspiring lady! Funny thing though, customers began to file in just as we were wrapping things up.

To bring you up to date, we arrived in La Crosse, Wisconsin last night where my dad and I had dinner with two of his brothers (my uncles) that I haven't seen since I was 12. How wonderful is that? It was wonderful to me. Oh yes, and we were also greeted with a barrage of tornado warnings blazing across the TV screen all evening. Tornado? I was far too tired to be frightened by such things. I slept through it all. Everything was intact in the morning. Whew!

Today my dad drove us all over La Crosse whereby I began a new documentary project - Dad's Home Town (Memories Included). It's sort of an out-of-the-car-window tour of a mix between his childhood haunts and memories with a touch of my own. Have you ever returned to see a house that you lived in as a child? I must say, there is a certain phenomenon that occurs. In your mind and imagination, there lives a GIANT mansion-sized house with acres and acres of grass in which to play. And then comes reality. I actually had an uncomfortable physical reaction when my adult self pulled up on the curb only to find that the house in my mind's eye was nowhere to be seen. This happened today looking at two houses that I lived in as a child (age 9 and 10). Where were the castles on the hill? Instead I was staring at two tiny little houses with postage stamp sized yards. I could literally feel a jarring sensation in the center of my head and all over my skin. What??? That's not the right house!!! Indeed they were. The correct addresses were clear as day. What is that? I felt a mixture of disillusion, disappointment and confusion that held over for several hours. I'm OK with it now, but will probably ponder this reaction for some time to come. It was almost like a collision between my mind today and my feeling memories from the past. I find myself wanting to forget what I saw today and return to the good feelings from the past!

For me one of the highlights of the day was when I 'tested' myself by guiding my dad from the old house where we used to live to the elementary school that I last walked to when I was 10 years old. It was about 7 or 8 blocks from the house. Even though there were three turns in the path, I was able to direct him precisely to the school grounds. I was amazed and so was he!

Tomorrow we'll do more of the 'home town' and beyond tour. And who knows, perhaps there will be another "Feelings Aloud" interview just waiting to happen somewhere along the way...

Trip Diary, Chapter 1

2006-10-02T20:46:00.000-07:00

I arrived in California on the 27th of September. As I type this today, in hopes of posting to my blog by tonight, I'm riding shotgun with my Dad in a Buick on an endless stretch of Wyoming freeway. So far my camcorder has captured a brief interview with a two year old named Myles in San Diego, two consecutive days of beautiful sunrises from the highway, and a quick capture of the fall colors in Utah. Oh yes, and yesterday's digital photo of the Chuck-A-Rama sign in St. George, Utah. My dad, who has done this California to Wisconsin trip many times, said he knew of a fabulous buffet lunch place that he wanted me to try. It sounded good until I heard the name. What could it mean? A couple of thoughts came to mind. It turned out to be pretty good food and certainly the potential was there to overeat. No worries though, I came through it just fine.

One particular notable mention from yesterday's travels was the autumn colors splashed across the mountain range surrounding Provo and Salt Lake City Utah. The scene was quite a gift. I have to hand it to Joseph Smith, the visionary founder of the Mormon Church; he definitely picked a good spot to settle down in.

We ate breakfast this morning in Rock Springs, Wyoming, where I was on the lookout for anyone who looked intriguing enough for an interview, but unfortunately it seemed a bit of a downer in the diner we chose. Life pretty much sucks when it's 7 am Monday morning and you're out of pancakes. I'm not so sure that was why our waitress seemed distracted and lacked a certain vitality, after all life does go on with or without pancakes. She just seemed sad - a valid feeling that I would normally ask to hear more about, but I was tired and extremely distracted myself with my one-track mind for coffee. (Thankfully they weren't out of that too.) I guess what I'm trying to say is that so far today the conditions just haven't been conducive to filming. I'm perfectly OK with that. These days I don't do much of anything without inspiration.

All in all I feel quite content - listening to my dad's stories (again), laughing a lot, and watching the scenery go by. Life is good - although I do miss my blog friends.

Oh, and I'm learning a lot on this trip - everything from the fact that Buicks are the best damn cars on the road, to the discovery that when motels say they have high-speed internet... well, they're mostly kidding.

See you in Nebraska!

Back to Love

2006-09-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

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Another song offering that falls within my own self-proclaimed genre of "Conscious Pop".

This is a song about forgiveness and was written about three years ago. It was inspired by a dream. Many of my songs come that way. In the dream I was talking to my two older brothers. They were quiet and listening as I honestly spoke my truth with them about the pain we still carried as a result of the unspoken feelings and misunderstandings from our childhood and young adult years. I gave voice to all of it, and by the end of the dream I noticed that I had completely healed and transformed our relationship - just by resolving it within my own consciousness. That very same day I called them and we had a beautiful connection. Pretty powerful stuff.

Planes, Trains, Automobiles... and Cows

2006-09-22T23:05:00.000-07:00

My big announcement today is that I'm suddenly taking a road trip. Well, first it's a plane, then a train, and then a road trip.

On Wednesday I got a call from my father asking if I want to make a journey with him from California to Wisconsin, departing in a little over a week. It's a trip that I used to take as a child with my family because that's where my dad is from and we have a lot of relatives there. I even lived in La Crosse for two years and have so many fond memories of my aunt and uncle's dairy farm, snow, sleds, ice skates, cheese, fishing, small towns, autumn colors, and so much more. I haven't been back to Wisconsin since my early teens and am so excited to see everyone as well as enjoy the beautiful changing leaves ... and of course, Octoberfest!

The best part of all is, I plan on taking the camcorder and randomly choosing subjects for my "Feelings Aloud" Vlog Series along the way. Yay!

I love people. I love that they ALL have feelings and wonderful wisdom to share. And because I'm passionate about giving voice to feelings in my own life, I want to give others that permission and opportunity as well. I feel it's a natural progression for my blog.

I leave Hawaii next week and won't be back to edit until mid-October, but I do plan on posting a few times before I leave and along the way when I can, with digital photos and updates on what I'm seeing, who I'm talking to and whatever else there might be to report on. (I think my dad is a little nervous that he might get a bit too much coverage in my postings because he's kind of a captive subject.)

Also, my dad doesn't know about it yet but I'm going to try and convince him to pass through my old home town, Santa Fe, NM, on the way back. I got a call early today from my friend Candy who is working on a movie set in the area. She said she walked into one of the work rooms this morning and saw my photo posted on the bulletin board to call for an extra part. The casting company apparently still has my file from the first and only movie I'd been in - Steven Spielberg's, "Into the West". I played an officer's wife in the Christmas scene when suddenly all of our husbands get called away to... well, slaughter. I think my actual screen time was about 4.5 seconds. It would've been longer if they'd used all of what we filmed that day. There was a big crying (more like wailing and weeping) scene but it didn't make the cut. I'm not surprised. I remember feeling during the shoot that we sounded more like cows in labor then actual grieving humans. Anyway, they must need the ol' irish, long-hair type again for the upcoming scene in October. I had such a great time on the "Into the West" set that I'd LOVE to participate in another one. I understand it's a science fiction movie this time. That's good because trying to get into those outhouses in a giant hoop skirt was near impossible!

I've been realizing lately that I truly live in the moment. I literally never know what's going to happen next. So far, so good!

Renee and Nancy

2006-09-20T20:45:00.000-07:00

Click to Play

The first of a series on my blog - designed to explore how everyday people are feeling about their lives - what they like, what they don't, what they'd like to change, spiritual practices, etc. The point is, "What are you feeling?", versus "What are you thinking?" There's a difference! We are all treasures of wisdom, and even though we may not be perfect, we can inspire!

Huge thanks to freevlog.org for all of your wonderful tutorials and encouragement!

Techie Time Out!

2006-09-19T01:44:00.000-07:00

I had a poem posted here for several hours and just removed it. I just couldn't leave it alone! It felt so incomplete. I'm in one of my "words are difficult" phases so it's a relief to just let it go for now. I'll come back to it another day.

It's a good thing that I've been working a lot with video today. No words required... Although I do feel like someone threw me a 'learning curve ball' with this editing thing. I managed to capture some video this past week (after reading the first half of the camcorder manual) so I've got lots of stuff to cut and paste and accidentally delete. I'll manage to get something posted this week. And when I finally do, I will require a few cheers and hurrahs!

OK. This is as profound as it gets today.

Onward and upward. I must plant my flag on Mt. Vlog!

But first... a little sleep.

One Prayer - from the Divine Feminine

2006-09-14T15:00:00.000-07:00

Note: I've done enough research to know that it'll be awhile before I have a vlog. This morning I've been cleaning up my hard drive, organizing, and deleting files that I no longer need - basically making room for huge video files.

I happened upon this message. It came a few months ago through a state of spiritual communion. I could hardly keep up in writing it down. I didn't edit it at all. The source was that all-encompassing, magnetic frequency that I'm OK with calling the Divine Feminine. It wanted to be a little book. I even saw it in my mind's eye. Maybe someday.

One Prayer

You need say only one prayer in this world: "I ask that I be That Which I AM, here and now."

All other prayers or requests assume that there is distance between Source and yourself. In Truth, there is no distance.

"I choose to be Whole.
I choose to be That Which I Am."

What if I were to tell you that ALL of your SELF could be restored in an instant?

No more struggle.
No more pain.
No more sickness.
No more war.
No more hunger.

Can you imagine that? Do you want to live fully?

If so, "I ask that I be That Which I AM, here and now."

Some of you may not have any IDEA of what that would be like. That is not surprising. Your fullness is not in thought or deed. It is in BEING That Which You Are.

Who is "That Which I AM"? Will I know her? Will I like her? Will I feel better when I am restored?

Yes.

You may think that you will feel better when you get that new job,

Or that new house
Or car
Or drug
Or vacation
Or girlfriend
Or boyfriend

Perhaps for a moment. But dare I say that what you are really looking for is YOU.
YOU are not out there.
YOU are here.
SHE is here.

I can't find her. Where has SHE been? Why did SHE leave us here - feeling like strangers in a strange land?

SHE is always HERE. It is you who left HERE. You are not being punished for leaving HERE. You are exploring. Now that you have been exploring for many thousands of years on Earth, what do you prefer? HERE or there?

HERE is the natural state. THERE is what you have created in your mind or intellect.

There are some who never left HERE.

The children
The flowers
The trees
The insects
The animals
The birds
The water
The stones
The wind
The sun

The angels.

They are ALL still HERE.

Where did you go? You decided to explore creation with only half of your capacities.

Actually, YOU are still here. YOU are the angels. YOU are gold.

All of the Natural World, including YOU, await your One Prayer.

"I ask that I be That Which I AM, here and now."

All of what you THOUGHT was real will fade.

All of what you KNOW will activate and come to Light.

And you will be HOME.
On Earth as it is in Heaven.

You will no longer need the angels to intervene on your behalf. For you will no longer be HALF. YOU will be whole. YOU will be ONE with the Golden Angel that you are.

And YOU will KNOW all that you need to know when you need to know it.

YOU will be where you need to be when you need to be there.

YOU will meet all whom you need to meet when you need to meet them.

YOU will feel whole.
YOU will feel fulfilled.
YOU will live the life - HERE and now.

What will happen to everybody else?

YOU will inspire them to say One Prayer:

"I ask that I be That Which I Am."

Fly with Me

2006-09-10T16:51:00.000-07:00

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I'm taking a little break from posting to learn how to run the new camcorder. If all goes well I'll be 'vlogging' here in the future. I thought I'd leave you with this song for a time. It's a piece that I started writing in Santa Fe, NM a year or so ago, and the rest unfolded in Hawaii. That was a time that I was flying back and forth a lot... such a huge transitional period for me. I find that when these big shifts happen in my life I want to take everyone I love with me, but I found that most of the time it doesn't work that way.

Truth be told, we all grow differently... some will hold, some will learn to let go... and somewhere inside we know, we'll all be landing greater-than...

Universal Love is 'Nice' (and Other Human Misconceptions)

2006-09-09T15:11:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me in my communion state this morning that my own definition of Love needed to be clarified. I write about it a lot, and I want to be sure that I am making myself as clear as possible. You may notice that I capitalize this word when I write of it in the grander sense. I'm talking so grand that it took me a lifetime to be able to embody it to the degree that I do. I couldn't tell you where I'm at on humanity's official Universal Scale of Embodied Love, but I know that I'm 'holding my own' as they say. The Love I speak of isn't just 'nice'... it's full-on kick-ass.

Here is where I find that the biggest misconception occurs. When spiritual, new-age type people say, "Hey, let's all just live together in peace, love and harmony", the rational mind can come up with all kinds of reasons to reject that because the words feel weak and ungrounded. I agree, it does feel ungrounded most of the time that I hear it too, and the term 'weakness' is simply a translation from a feeling that something is missing... or not fully present and available. It's true. Love must be grounded or embodied in order for that kind of kick-ass power to be directed into this world.

What does embodied Love feel like? Well from my vantage point today I can say that it is pure ecstasy, knowing wisdom, strength, freedom, peace. But it didn't always feel like that. Have you ever felt pain and all-out terror when Love comes a calling? Unless you have shouted out and begged for mercy because it's too much, I would venture to say that you have not yet been introduced to the kind of Love that I refer to when I say LOVE. It is not an experience that you want to invite unless you are truly committed to giving up all that you think you are, know, want, believe, etc., and trade it all in for total conscious connection with ALL THAT IS - indescribable Beauty, Power, Abundance and Grace right HERE... at your fingertips. But you must be advised, this kind of Love is here to destroy all that is NOT in alignment with Total Peace and Balance, and will, if allowed, completely transform you into - not the word "love" - but the experience of LOVE. In other words, you might have the intellectual capacity to deliver a brilliant speech about love or even LOVE, but you'll know right where you are on the universal scale of embodied Love when one tiny little gram of THIS is introduced into your physical, feeling body. Either you'll run screaming and begging to be returned to the 'comfortably numb' state, or you'll muster up the courage to continue with what was introduced to me so many years ago as the 'stretching exercises' - exercises that I guess I agreed to before this life, because that's been the program folks.

One aspect of this 'program' that I have written more about on my other blog site, "What I Know by Heart", is that in this life, for reasons I understand a whole lot more now about than I ever did back then, I have kept myself quite naive to the ways of the world. While I am a very enthusiastic supporter of education, my own scholarly ventures ended after two years of college - and even that 'information' has not really been retained. The only intellectual knowledge that is available to me now is that which is applicable in the moment that I need it. That's it. It's there when I truly need it, and no other time. Present moment existence is like that. I know what I need to know when I need to know it, which I have found frees one up to really KNOW - to feel and perceive the spaces in between all of the letters, words, and 'stories' of this world.

I remember years ago when I stumbled upon a verse from Rilke's "Duino Elegies". I cannot tell you how relieved I was to find someone whom I could relate to when it comes to the 'terror' of Love.

Excerpt from Elegy 1.

"Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angels' hierarchies?
and even if one of them pressed me suddenly against his heart:
I would be consumed in that overwhelming existence.
For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror, which we are still just
able to endure,
and we are so awed because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.
Every angel is terrifying.
And so I hold myself back and swallow the call-note of my dark sobbing.
Ah, whom can we ever turn to in our need?
Not angels, not humans, and already the knowing animals are aware
that we are not really at home in our interpreted world."

Rainer Maria Rilke, (read "Duino Elegies 1st & 2nd" in its entirety)

Ah yes, "...it serenely disdains to annihilate us." Thank you Rilke. I truly could not have said it better. The entire poem is a real gift. It was like an oasis to me when I came upon it on my desert journey a few decades ago. I eventually glued it to my keyboard so that every time I sang out my melodies and words - even if the audience was convinced that I was singing about my latest boyfriend - I knew differently.

The stretching exercises still come, although they don't fall so much under the header of 'unbearable'. I am able to welcome it, trust it, and fall into the bliss of it more readily. Yet in the closing of the stretch, I am still taken to that dis-comfort zone of 'this far and no farther'. While I do find myself looking forward to the next - excited to take it on and take it in - these days it seems to be more about the practice of being IT in the world... between the stretchings. I smile when I think back about how I used to curse the 'program' - obviously not in understanding of what was happening to me. As difficult as it all was, I am now able to see it as having been a beautiful blessing. I have been informed by Love that this is my life's work. After all of this training and stretching, I am able to help others embrace and embody this kind of Love now. I have noticed though, there are not many standing in line for this. Which means that a) everybody is already there, or b) I'm terrible at marketing (proven track record here), or c) quite possibly people are not excruciatingly uncomfortable enough with the way things are, and somehow, through sheer will they're still able to make it all work. If that's the case, why on Earth would you want to invite the destroyer version of LOVE into your life?

So I suppose this is an addendum to my previous post, "2012?...". LOVE is total ecstasy if it has a unified, welcoming consciousness and body to be present with. In a few year's time, if you have not already lost your mind and your human identity, and surrendered to the experience of the Larger YOU, this degree of Love will more than likely be terrifying. And until we embody at least some degree of this Love, we simply cannot create a successful Loving, Peaceful, Harmonious way of life in the "interpreted world". Wanting to change the world into a peaceful one without first welcoming the Divine Roto-Rooter into your own heart is like a politician saying he's for cleaning up the environment but no one is ever invited into his house because the sewer is backed up and the whole place is full of shit! ... or something like that. You get my drift. If you can't embody IT, than how on Earth can you direct it or create with it or be given the responsibility to do so? Even nice sounding words and intentions can be a defense or distraction against the inevitable embodiment of Love.

Like many others on this planet, I have been gifted with visions. I see it. I feel it. I know it... we are all going to be stretched to receive more. Ready or not.

"All I am saying"... (everybody all together now) ..." is give PEACE (and kick-ass LOVE) a chance" ... in YOU! And guess what? When this happens, we won't be talking about changing the world anymore. Poof! Magic! It's done!

2012? How 'bout Now?

2006-09-08T14:50:00.000-07:00

"Father-Mother God, I'm here."

I've noticed something. It isn't until I am able to say this - with 100% presence, humility and honesty - that the energy will shift into pure Love, along with a total knowing and understanding that all of my needs are met. With this comes the realization that when I'm not at this threshold, this Love feels larger, outside of, and beyond me. Yet, when I am on the threshold, or in the doorway, it IS me - the unlimited One.

Why would I not choose to be at that threshold more often then? Or perhaps even stay in this consciousness long enough to find my preferences file and change it to reflect the 'threshold' as a constant, and the rest as an anomaly?

I don't know exactly. But I think it has something to do with the importance of 'coming out' with it - in the world. I don't engage in feeling dialogues with the Creator in order to selfishly establish a 'nicer' human life for myself, I want my whole world to reflect and live in the excitement and ecstasy of lucid consciousness. I'm aware that it begins with me. Let's face it, I hear a lot of folks who say this is what they want, so it begins with all of us and the choice to be conscious co-creators of Life. I feel that together we have an opportunity to change our entire world-view and destiny here on this planet. I admit it though; I've been 'blissing out' in the comfort and quiet seclusion of my comfortable little nest here in Hawaii. Nests are a wonderful thing - a good place to strengthen, learn and grow, but we all know there comes a time to fly out there and BE what we've been practicing and imagining ourselves to BE in the safety of our comfort zones.

Recently I was shown in a 'communion vision' a deeper meaning of the message, "Where two or more are gathered in my name...". First comes our own one-on-one with Creator, a 'heart to heart' as they say, within the individual present mind. This is where we change our minds and welcome more of our Selves into conscious activity here on Earth. Then, when two people (or more) come together who have had their own individual Self conference with resultant new intentions and inspirations for Life, there is enormous potentiality to change the entire outer world experience - due to the fact that it is not just a subjective experience anymore. It is now objective - witnessed - spoken out loud. With this comes the power and inspiration to make new collective agreements about a shared life and world - one that we actually prefer!

Only until this lucidity occurs in our own 'conversation with God' can we as a collective show up on that doorstep, acknowledge that the 'lie' is being dismantled, along with all of its accompanying infrastructure, and be open to having-creating-doing-being so much more...far more than we have even allowed ourselves to imagine is possible. No one can really offer us a step by step 'how-to' guide for lucid living, or more importantly make anyone desire it. Unfortunately words don't work as conveniently and comfortably at this stage of the game. Upon our inquiry, others can send their own hyperlinks to us outlining how they got there, but ultimately folks just gotta make the choice on their own and begin pointing and clicking on the tabs and links that they are drawn to. But what about those people on the planet who for years have been spiritually exploring, learning, investigating, unraveling, practicing, and becoming more? These folks seem to be nervously pacing the floor now, wringing their hands, ready to give birth to their new lucid selves in the world.

My visions and guidance say that there are many of us now who have "changed their minds" to enough of a degree that if we had the courage to be and act from this new understanding without apology, in full support of the Greater Self in all, we could make a huge difference in the outer world. In my own life, I know I have been experiencing an uncomfortable state of inertia because I have not allowed myself to be fully aware or accepting that this could really be true - this greatness of who I am and who we all are collectively. Why can't I just be an 'armchair creator'? ...and what if I make a huge mistake? ...and what if I really am insane? what will my friends and family think? ...and ah hell, maybe I should just keep blogging and 'testing the waters' for awhile...

OK. So many of us are feeling somewhat stuck. It's perfectly understandable that we would feel this way. We're addicted to life happening to us rather than through us. This collective world that we have all been participating in has not exactly been giving us permission to be more. I say if we do not find this permission in the outer world, WE have to give ourselves that permission - to take this conscious first step and BE more... manifest more of ourselves, manifest more of our Source. If we don't see an existing person, place or thing in which to fit into or with, we must not allow that to limit us from manifesting it in the world in the ways that we are able, in any given moment. This is how we find each other - our tribe, as they say - by broadcasting the Source Frequency in the ways that we are inspired to broadcast right where we are. Not only that, when we have the courage to do this, we instantly give others a new choice - permission to do the same in their own way.

I've noticed that something has changed recently in the collective. It's so recent that I can't say I can really put my finger on it, but I can literally feel that a line has been drawn in the sand. We have entered a new chapter in our human evolution. This is a whole new ball game folks - not just a national or worldly arena anymore. If we don't consciously choose to change our 'preferences' to a larger cosmic operating system, that's OK. Benevolent Grace will move the mouse and change it for us. There are prophets of old and prophets of 'now' who seem to readily agree on this - the end of time as we know it is upon us. But is it in 2012? Or is it now? It's simply a choice as to when, where and how we want to experience this impending shift - here/there, later/now, love/fear - you decide.

It's like the hush and dimming lights before a really big show. You bought your tickets long ago - so long ago that you almost forgot that you had them. Yet here it is. The orchestra begins to softly play, conversations are accelerated to an end, and collectively we look in the direction of the stage - waiting anxiously to see what is going to play out in front of us. Will it be a tragedy, a comedy, romance...? Relaxing into our seats, we find ourselves waiting for the curtain to open. Nothing happens. A soft murmur comes over the crowd. Why is this not going the way it always has? Something must be wrong. What shall we do? Some get nervous. Some get angry. Some just patiently wait. And some volunteer to find the manager. We begin to hear something, sense something, feel a draft of sorts. We all stop. "Hmmm", we say to each other, "Do you feel that?". Someone must've forgotten to close that window, or accidently left the door open again... seems to be happening more often these days. No... wait. Holy sh#t. We all look up in awe as we watch what looks like massive Sky Dome-esque retractable doors begin to part above us, slowly revealing a much larger and brighter star-studded night sky than any of us can recall seeing quite that way before. There above us is a breathtaking panoramic view of the sparkling Milky Way Galaxy, streaming off into infinity. We are all stunned into silence, looking at each other and all around as our eyes continue to adjust to the dark. A lone voice in the crowd utters the obvious collective conclusion. "What the... we're standing on a giant field!!" The huge arena lights suddenly spill out their golden sun-like power onto the field.

And there we are,
Frozen in the cosmic light,
The skillful cast
In a flash
Forgetful,
Of every step and word.
Yet through the absence of sound
An innocent voice is heard,
"Ohhh... we must be dead."
"No."
A warm and thunderous voice returns,
Like reverb on the skin of drums
Inside our heart and heads,
"This is you... alive again!"

How will you respond?
Will you choose fear?
Or perhaps you'll smile and say,
"Father-Mother God, I'm here".

Owning the God Frequency

2006-09-05T15:06:00.000-07:00

I reread my "Feelings Aloud" blurb at the top of my blog and realized that I'm not sharing so much of what I had set out to share here anymore.

I have been applying and practicing all of the guidance that I have been channeling or 'knowing' through these beautiful and blessed states of communion, and one miracle after another has arrived in my life - including a beautiful place to call home, money, joy, fulfillment, healing and more. And all of it comes because I ask. I innocently ask for what I want. I guess you could say that I got tired of living and contributing to a lie, got mad, and demanded LIFE. The rest is history, as they say. Every day of my life now brings ecstatic insight and understanding because I have done some serious, conscious work with my feeling body. Every feeling I have now is made conscious as soon as possible. What I have discovered is that this opens the feeling or sensory nature up to the Source Frequency - whereas before it could not be perceived due to the 'closed-circuit' nature of existence in this intellectually agreed-upon Earth experience - a rather incomplete view of the truth of who we are... naturally.

My greatest frustration on a daily basis is how to document and share my own feeling "Conversations with God" type insights and inspirations with others... in words. It's exhausting to "ex-plain" it... or to "make it plain" in language. How do I design a workshop or lecture about it when my preference is to reach my hand out, touch others in a sort of feeling version of a Spock 'mind meld', and say, "Here. This is what I want to remind you of. Feel it! It's YOU!" But we all know that up to this point it has not worked that way so much in this world. We are addicted to words. We are addicted to what we have been told. And I've noticed that we have become very tired and cynical indeed. Even my own Guidance has said, "You will find in your world that you won't be so much in need of 'spiritual teachers' anymore, but you will be desiring 'demonstrators' of these Life Principles." I like that approach.

So lately I've been on this song and poetry kick. When I tire myself out with other more 'acceptable' and worldly methods of communication, I land here - in the blissful realm of the God Frequency expressed in sound and harmonics. It's a lot more comfortable here. I've learned to own it, right where I am. I have shared before that I don't have the energy anymore to 'sing out' in the old framework of drinking clubs and expensive-to-produce concerts. In my previous singer-songwriter incarnation I had to work so very hard to be heard, and it wore me out. For now I am content to broadcast my humble creations over the internet from my little bedroom studio. And with this, there is a certain satisfaction in knowing that I have indeed followed through - with the creation and sharing of what comes. In other words, if I were to die tomorrow, there would be no regrets in not having shared. That feels good to me... I didn't sit, frozen in fear. I moved. I did what I could with what I had.

The camera should be here any day now. As I indicated in earlier posts, my plan is to shift the focus to the outer world. Who are you? What are you feeling? What do you want to create and share in your life? How do you relate to the Creator? And more. We'll see how that goes.

This may take some time. I'm sure there will be quite a learning curve with the technicalities of operating a video camera. God give me the strength to yet again learn something new!

Stay tuned.

To Free

2006-09-04T23:12:00.000-07:00

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This song came a few years ago and I never recorded it. I used to get so excited when new songs came that I would start singing them live right away. I thought it was about time to get this one down.

As always, this is the best I can do with what I have... and Garageband ain't too shabby.

I'm using a 16-year old EV microphone that is falling apart. Thank goodness for duct tape ;-)

I already had the piano track, bass and some drums, but the rest, including vocals, were pieced together this afternoon in between the city sounds and sirens of Honolulu!

Live with It

2006-09-01T14:23:00.000-07:00

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innocence is the key to freedom from this senseless place... i say keep your weighty explanations of grace... let me breathe and play dance and pray... i'm the same as an ocean a mountain a song... i belong to all and nothing... i am... you can stay there in your mind if you like... i'm not going anywhere... wanna let go? end the battle and close the show? stop open the door open the heart it's a sphere not a box it's right here... there's the knock! now who do you suppose is there? go ahead talk! talk to the creator of all... why not? because someone... well just about everyone said you are not that which is beautiful? do yourself a favor let it go for good... let it fall into the abyss this is god and I am that I am in you...

live with it

I can hear you thinking... could I be god? could this be true? innocence says you are and it is...

live with it!

Blog, Pod, Vlog... Fog

2006-08-31T19:11:00.000-07:00

It has been a rather rapid evolution for me - from blog to pod to vlog (hopefully). The camera is on its way - being shipped from the Mainland to Hawaii (Sorry Honolulu. I would've loved to send the business your way but you just didn't have what I wanted!)

I have been researching vlogs and vlog how-to's for hours today. Whew! Information overload. Exhausted. Still... very inspired.

This is a very cool concept. A great idea to raise money for vlogging! Have Money Will Vlog

And this guy is so good it's intimidating and inspiring all rolled into one. People sure are getting creative. That's all I have to say! Pouring Down TV

I also researched some poet podcasters today. Here is one that I liked on Odeo. Her name is Amias and she reads from her own book of poetry.

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Maybe soon we'll even hear the voices and perhaps one day see the video faces of those wonderful beings behind Benevolent Magic, Here is Tree (Dependent Arisings), 3DPoetry, When the Heart Speaks, and Multi and Not Universe. Just a few of my favs. (No pressure guys.)

Happy Friday to all.

Taking the Cup

2006-08-30T18:56:00.000-07:00

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They say that God has angels
To intercede on His behalf.
Why?
Because God can't be bothered
With our everyday lives?
That's what I was trained to think.
Today I find otherwise.
Now don't get me wrong
I love the idea of angels
Just like anyone else,
But I figured I'd just try
To call Him direct.
First came a surprise,
All I did was cry...
Couldn't get a word in
Edgewise.

Then in between my fits of pain
I felt some thing...
Something so comfortable
That I had no trouble
Claiming it as mine.
Now in this place
There are no wings and Bible verse,
No divine hero sings to serve
Our addiction to words,
And title of 'sinner' in time.

Yet I was more than filled
By taking the cup
Selfishly sucking it in
There was no end
To this delicious drink of Love...
That is,
Until I changed my mind again.
Back to the land of
'Gotta go... gotta do'
Still,
I knew the truth.
Angels are the in-between
Disowned glory of us.
Why?
Because we have yet to believe
We are fast becoming,
That which we once
Worshipped.

This and That and So

2006-08-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

Relation-ship.
Who is relating to whom?
And where and when
Does the "I"
Or the ocean of being flow in?
Sometimes in the end,
It is an all-out battle to decide
Which image floats or 'wins'.
But you know that it begins
With your own blueprint
In hand.
Do tell,
Did you decide or were you told,
That you are
This and that and so?

Go ahead and sail
Into the magic
And wonder of
Holding another
Upon the sea
Of possibilities,
But do not forget
The Soul can't commit
To some militant ship!
We've all been there before,
Lulled into dreaming
A rational thinking
That the more
Can be talked into
Less.

Consciousness arrives
Through the fog of time
Can you feel the ocean view?
A successful search and rescue
Has once again
Saved the truth of you.
Accept this sweet relief,
Where lyrical waves do sing,
The "I" is far more than "this or that"
Will ever be...
Why not let it swim in thee!

Take heed this time
As you rise anew.
Recall again as a child
How madly in love
You were with You!
The Soul is ready and willing
To be welcomed home.
You decide how much of her
To kiss,
To tell,
To own.
Just know,
That the world is calling on you
To build a greater,
More truthful,
This and that and so.

Sneezes Aloud

2006-08-28T22:06:00.000-07:00

While it falls under somewhat of a 'feelings aloud' theme, the above cute clip is actually just a practice run for me... you know, to see if I could successfully transition from podcast posts to video posts. It's not as hard as I thought it would be!

My next 'big idea' is to get a video camera and interview people on the streets, edit it, and then upload it to YouTube. The documentary film biz is not new to me. I co-wrote, co-edited, co-produced, and sometimes starred in TV commercials, documentaries and instructional DVDs in the early years of this century. But like a true artist, I always wanted to try out my own thing.

It's really an evolution of a vision that I had several years ago. It started off as an idea for a documentary or a television series, but now that we have Vlog-World, it might just come into being here! We'll see...

All I need is a digital camera, a tripod and a lot of courage to approach people and draw out their answers to very personal questions.

I'll keep you posted. Wish me luck!

The End of the Rainbow

2006-08-24T17:18:00.000-07:00

Actually, it could be the beginning of the rainbow. Beginnings... endings... it's difficult to tell the difference sometimes. I took this shot out of the apartment window yesterday afternoon. It was a double-rainbow that didn't 'bow', but rather stood at attention. I wish you could've seen the brilliance of color that I saw. Unfortunately my camera isn't one to capture such detail.

When I looked at this scene I felt that "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" was obviously right here - not here, as in the Hawaiian islands, but here... in the present moment.

... where all the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

Truest Version

2006-08-23T16:37:00.000-07:00

I love to sing. I love to write. I love to share. And blogging has become my stage.

I refuse to get bogged down by the rules of the music biz. My producer will more than likely cringe when he sees me posting my latest creations (so don't tell him). I'm an artist, not a business person. I am able to own my divinity yet am unable... or should I say... I'm completely inadequate when it comes to 'selling' it. What can I say? Although, if someone who has a natural talent for promotion with integrity happened along, I would enlist their services. (Does that exist out there?) Otherwise I'll continue to share my poetic musical creations with the help of my beloved Mac Powerbook, Blogger and Odeo. There's not much of a demand for rapidly approaching middle age musical mystics out there in the so-called "real world"... well, so far. While I'd say that my naval still looks pretty hot, I can't seem to gather up any energy or interest in baring it, wiggling it, or liposuctioning it (is that a verb?) in order to share my art ;-)

By the way... if I have not already said this, I am also NOT a producer. I do my best with these somewhat incomplete 'sketches', but am rather clueless to the organization and structure of a marketable presentation. So forgive me for my simplicity :-)

This one was truly an 'off the cuff' creation. (Hey... good name for a record label.) I had just come out of meditation, where I always feel quite complete - despite what the world may try to convince me of. "Truest Version" was born in just under 20 minutes. The attempts to capture it in a package for consumption by others took about 4 days.

Thanks for listening.

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I feel beautiful
I don't know why
'Cause if you look real close
You'll find
The usual imperfections
That they say I can easily hide

I feel graceful
No one ever told me
So as far as I know
I've no history of royalty
Yet here I am standing tall
Feeling it all

Who can say
What or who I am?
Well follow me nowhere
Lead me to none
It's better to become
The truest version of Love

I feel smart
Certainly not with a lot of thought
Wise beyond my years
I fear nothing
Armed with knowing
My Soul

I feel rich
Just running low on cash
But it's all right here
From my heart
To my fingertips

Chorus...

The Kingdom

2006-08-22T14:21:00.000-07:00

"They asked him (Jesus): When is the Kingdom coming? He replied: It is not coming in an easily observable manner. People will not be saying, 'Look, it's over here' or 'Look, it's over there'. Rather, the Kingdom of the Father is already spread out on the earth, and people aren't aware of it." -- Saying 113, The Gospel of Thomas.

"Saying 113 is an important summation of the worldview reflected in many of Thomas's sayings, which is that the Kingdom is here now, and people must learn to discern it rather than waiting for some cosmic miracle to bring the Kingdom down to earth." -- Stevan Davies, from The Gospel of Thomas.

In my poem, 'the Kingdom' is the Present Moment, and the soldier is the image I created of myself in order to fit into the intellectual world... of past and future.

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I used to be that soldier
Standing proud outside,
Every once in awhile peering
Into the Kingdom
On the hill behind...
Both curious and forgetful about
Why and when
I was commissioned to defend
That which I was told
I was not even fit
To be welcomed within.

I did not take offense
For I was far too busy
To entertain such things.
With commanding officer
Bellowing orders
From headquarters
Of distant past,
I could not afford the luxury.
Dire warnings had been issued
Of the horrors to come
If I were not vigilant
Against the future,
And it's terrible armies of
Nightmarish doom.

One day
Something changed.
Today I peer outside
And there is no soldier in sight.
He must have grown tired
And died.
Today there are no orders
Echoing out from past,
And no strategies to meet
The threat,
Of that next big defeat.
The soldier may be gone
But there is no reason to grieve.
In the Kingdom
There is only today.
In the Kingdom
There is only Peace.

Divine Integration

2006-08-21T13:11:00.000-07:00

I used to wonder, when people say "he's got integrity", what exactly is he integral with? Meaning... relative to what? There's the world as we know it, and then there's All that Is. My practice is to be integral with All That Is, and to be "in the world but not of it". In the past it was a tricky thing. In the present it's natural and easy.

People say, "Stay in the present moment". What does that mean to them? I myself have found varying degrees of this experience. For example, when I write a song or a poem, or when I go running, I feel that I am 'in the moment'. Time passes rapidly, and more accurately stated, there is no time. "No time like the present" - as they say. Creation seems to flow effortlessly through me and it is true bliss. Other times, during a dialoging of a 'feelings aloud' session, I will pop into a full-body, ecstatic bliss. I can't move - wouldn't want to. I then receive knowing messages that fill me and turn me into a sweet, buoyant jelly of laughter with streaming tears of joy. I am now linked with Source. I have come to prefer this kind of alliance over the false allegiance to a world that seemingly has no foundation in Love - for obvious reasons. So it is here that my mind is changed... rather I transcend the limitations or misunderstandings of the human mind, and all that it has become integral with, and turn my attention to a unification with the Greater View.

Yesterday morning this happened. I had visions with it too. As a result of these knowing visions I have great trust and faith in the goodness that is happening in this world that we share - by a network of benevolent, awakened souls. I guess I am a 'roving reporter' of sorts. Today I would like to broadcast this message:

Don't worry so much. Amazing things are happening by legions of angelic humans who have been 'stirred' by this Divine, Universal sounding. And if you are not already, soon you will feel it and begin to move about in this world in conscious integrity with That Love. You will feel that permission to relax into the truth of who you are. Somewhere in there you may stop and notice, "Oh... this is what it feels like to be in the world but not of it"... and then you will go about your life. Grace will be born through you, and just a simple smile on your face will have the power to heal, to inspire, to uplift... to transform the world.

So relax. You can't fix this dis-integrated world, but you can re-integrate with Source and walk "wholly" on this ground called Earth. I understand now why we wanted to be here on this planet at this particular time and space. All I can say is, wow... how blessed we are.

My View Today

2006-08-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

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My view today has changed,
Significantly.
The past is but a memory
That I can barely reach.
I know I've traveled far,
But in the here and now
I can't feel fatigue... thankfully.
I prayed for this,
But not in a usual way.
I just spoke to God and said,
"I ask for beauty, grace
And a place that I feel loved
And appreciated,
Just for being me."
And it came.
I suppose I am an example now,
Of what is possible
When you're strong enough
To let go of all
That they say is real,
And believe
In the silvery voice that says,
"You are unlimited...
You can do anything."

What'll You Do With Me?

2006-08-17T18:22:00.000-07:00

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OK. So I decided that I would get very ambitious and figure out how to share my musical poetry on my blog. It takes longer for me to figure out techie things (like putting an audio player on my blog) than it does to write and record a song! Ah well.

This is what I've been working on for the past few days. I use my beloved GarageBand software on my Mac Powerbook. It's a wonderful tool for me to get my ideas down - then when the big bucks start rolling in I'll head on over to a real studio to work with the professionals. ;-)

It's called, "What'll You Do With Me?". The clip above begins at the second verse and flows through the bridge and part of the end. I wrote down the words in poetry form as they landed in my consciousness a few weeks ago, and then it just sat there. These kinds of poems are in a category all their own. It seems to be coming from the perspective of the Goddess (if you will). I had forgotten about it until I 'heard' some music that seemed to want to 'marry' the words. It's sort of a backwards way of writing a song, but I've learned to go with it.

Hope you like it!

Happy

2006-08-16T11:38:00.000-07:00

My forgetting is less
And less.
I asked for this,
Back in that time
And space
When I thought,
There was distance,
Making it feel like
I was different,
From God.
Now I can't stop laughing.
Why?
God is here!
And now that here is here,
God is happy.

The God Connection

2006-08-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

I have just self-diagnosed myself as a "High-Functioning Autistic". After reading the book ("Autism and the God Connection") recommended by a new friend (who is uncannily a lot like myself), I am stunned and silenced right now - in a whirlwind of sorts. I have always been very, very different, but somehow managed to survive, with extra effort and the development of well-honed coping mechanisms, but I had no idea that there is an actual label for my 'type'.

I was like many other people, relating and identifying with autism in some strange way, but thinking that I couldn't possibly be that because I could talk and write and function in the world - for the most part. Actually, writing comes much easier than talking. It always has.

I recommend the book if you feel very, very different from others. You may find it helpful too. I found that it helped me to feel better about myself and my spiritual ‘gifts’. Divine Guidance has always been present in my life - from infancy to now. And what I am guided in now is to be back out in the world. This is my pattern though - to be in the world for a time, become exhausted, retreat and heal, and then emerge again. The cycle has come back around to being 'out there'. I have always been supported in various and creative ways to 'hide out' when I need to, but alas this sweet retreat time is over.

I feel afraid because I have lost my ability to numb myself, to multi-task, to pretend to be something that I'm not. I'm just who I am. And if you allow me to be who I am, I do blossom and I can do things that seem miraculous at times; but it's not. It's just who I am... and truly, who we all are.

Please be who you really are,
Not just on the inside,
But on the outside too.
I don't want to be alone out there...
Again.
I promise this time
I won't cry,
"I don't fit in!"
Somehow I'll give and receive
Permission
To just be that Love,
That Peace in the world
Now.

A Death and Life Dream

2006-08-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

A telling dream arrived last night. In it I was visiting a club that I used to play at regularly... seems so long ago. I sat down at a table and spoke to a few people that I knew there. The band came in and began to set up - just like I used to do, over and over again. Someone said, "They're great entertainers... a really fun and upbeat group! You should stay."

I felt a twinge of pain. Even though I do appreciate great entertainment, I was never an 'entertainer' with my own music. In fact that was the last thing I wanted to do with my musical prose. I didn't want to enable people into numbing themselves with drink and dance, I wanted to penetrate hearts, make people spin out of control and out of their minds - only to land back into into a larger and truer version of themselves. Pretty big intention, I know. And it did happen often enough to keep me going for awhile. Nobody could categorize me, but it wasn't for their lack of trying. People would ask me why I wasn't famous. I told them that I just wasn't in style with the times.

I have been backing out of the context and expectations of others for a lot of years now. As a result I have become a wanderer of sorts - dropping out of the societal demands that I have a 'real' job, health insurance, a 401K, a house, a car, and then redefining myself as a spiritually inspired singer-songwriter. It wasn't enough that I was able to actually support myself with singing, but in my determination to stay true, in integrity with my art, I backed out of context once again. Healing and transformation is my passion, whether I do that through a conversation, a prayer, a touch, or a song; it matters not to me. I have awakened into Love, and I've now reached a place where I cannot compromise any longer. I cannot allow myself to disguise this Love in ways that do not serve me or those around me.

I have met others now who have been touched by Love as well, who know their greater identity and struggle with this very same thing. Is it safe to be in the world and be who I really am? How can I be "in the world but not of it"? It takes courage, that's for sure. When we are bold enough to truly be who we are it sometimes disturbs people and the status quo. For others it lifts and inspires them to be who they truly are. We have to be willing to stay centered in Love no matter what the reaction.

The dream went on. I left the club with music blaring and climbed into my car. In the dream my car was also my home. I guess you could say I was 'homeless', and I felt homeless too. There was no place in the dream in which I could 'fit' so there I lay in the front seat of my car with my head against the window, wondering what was next.

In jumps a giant black jaguar through the passenger window and lands on top of me with all four paws. Now this is an interesting twist, wouldn't you say? I did not react with fear. In fact my neck was positioned in such a way that it lay open and bare just inches from the jag's mouth. I could feel and smell his hot breath on my face. He did open his mouth, but it wasn't to eat me. Rather, it was to speak.

I don't remember the exact words. I heard him mostly through my feelings anyway. His presence and the message that came through seemed to inform every cell of my body, and then I just 'knew' that all of my life was in preparation to be right here, right now. Every second of it had been perfect in my unfolding and had led me to the present moment - literally. And in this present moment I felt my own wildness and instinct, knowing that this black beast and I were one being - fully natural, fully alive, fully in Love. He left me with this:

"When you outgrow the theme,
Leave it behind for those in need.
From this moment forward you are alive!
Live and create from here
And you will see,
How life is meant to be.
From here you are fed.
From here you feed.
Know that this is Home
--Instinctually."

Abundance

2006-08-08T16:55:00.000-07:00

I've been going back through my digital photo collection to find stuff to share. I took the shot below while on a beautiful hike in Tesuque, New Mexico.

I started off the hike with a growling and
Heavily complaining stomach.
Why I didn't eat before I left... I don't know.
It was too beautiful to turn back, so I kept on -
Feeding off the beauty of the tall trees,
The sound of birds,
And the resolutely rushing stream.
With happy lungs indulging in
The abundance of mountain air,
It wasn't long before I saw it there.
As if all that came before was not enough!
Thanks to the good will of an unknown friend,
On this fine day,
Every last need was met!

The sign said,
"Enjoy an apple and your walk. Cheers!"

A Lesson from Grandmother Spider

2006-08-06T13:29:00.000-07:00

I am no stranger to the healing arts - alternative healing arts, that is. I have trained in this and that through schools, workshops, lectures and the like. But the best training I ever had came from a couple of spiders and a songbird.

I was living in Taos, New Mexico a few years ago. On this particular day I was taking a shower in the downstairs bathroom of a big, beautiful house that I had the blessing of living in for a time. I'd forgotten that the drain was a bit plugged up there so as the shower went on, the water slowly rose to my ankles. When all was complete, I stood there in my own soapy water as I reached for the towel. I glanced down, and much to my horror I saw what was a very large daddy-long-legs spider, completely water logged, drowned and floating just under the surface of the water. He was a goner.

I'm one that likes spiders. I'm very respectful of them and fortunately they are of me, so you can imagine my dismay at seeing what I had done in my very unconscious showering state. Now the rest of this story gets very other-worldly and 'altered state' at this point, but I have to say I've grown more accustomed to these sorts of things as the 'unusual' happens quite regularly in my everyday life now - making it more 'usual' I suppose.

I scooped up the spider, laid him out on the bathroom sink, and apologized for not seeing him there. He certainly didn't deserve that kind of frightening demise. There he lay, almost indiscernible as a spider - just a very still blob of wet and brown. As I dried off, something extraordinary happened. A bird landed just outside the window and began to sing. I couldn't see him, and I'd never heard such a song from a bird in this region, and really never heard such an incredible beauty in sound - period. The song itself popped me into an altered state. The melody permeated my body and being, and with it was a message that pains me to reduce to words, but it was something like this,

"Use the energy that you feel now and offer it to the spider. Have no expectation in what the spider chooses to do with the energy - just offer it."

The power and sweetness of that song sent me into ecstasy. I followed through, without thought. (I wouldn't have thought to do anything like this in a million years.) I was 'in' Something and that Something was 'in' me. My right hand lifted gracefully and magically toward the spider and an exquisite energy poured through for what felt like a very long time. It wasn't really... a long time that is... not when I pieced all the sequence of events together later. It was such a glorious feeling and when I finally 'popped out' I couldn't make sense of it all - no mental sense that is.

The bird and his song were gone, and there I stood naked, long hair dripping and all, and there on the bathroom sink lay a very still blob of wet and brown. "What just happened? Dear God I'm really losing it now." I quickly got dressed and then my full focus turned to the poor, dead spider.

"Take him to a sunny spot and wait." I heard it so clearly.

What are you going to do? I was completely lucid and the message came with such sweet energy, I couldn't refuse. I carried him to a wonderfully sunny spot on the fireplace and laid him down, hoping that my then partner, Eduardo, would not come down the stairs and see or question my activities. It would've been far too much to try to explain in that moment. I left my dead spider friend there and asked again for him to be well - whether he had moved on or wanted to stay. I then went off to work in the production studio on the other side of the house.

It was very mental, detailed work - co-producing an instructional DVD for a Qi Gong teacher in Santa Fe. After several hours that very loving and powerful energy began to permeate my body and being again. I hadn't thought of the spider since I laid him on the fireplace. But now I was feeling him. I knew and heard, "It is done."

I pulled myself away from my intense focus on the computer screen and followed through with the knowing feeling to go and seek him out. The spider was gone. Well, gone from the spot where I had left him. I followed a trail of wet blotches up to the side off the fireplace. There he was, joyfully stretching his dried out legs in the sun! Then, as if in response to my presence, he crawled back down to greet me where I had dropped him off several hours previously. I gasped and cried out. Wow! It was such a joy to see him alive and well!

And if that wasn't enough... out of the corner of my eye, just left of the fireplace, was a giant tarantula, desperately trying to claw her way either up or through the window. It was surreal. I'd never seen anything like that before. What is happening here? Enter Eduardo. I explained the best I could, but nothing logical came out. Thankfully though, being the spiritual and sensitive man that he was, he immediately recognized that the tarantula wanted in.

Eduardo found a stick just outside and invited the tarantula for a ride. She quickly accepted and was placed on the brick about a foot from our dried out, and very much alive spider. She had an enormous grandmotherly kind of power about her that seemed to fill the room. I was in awe. We both watched breathlessly as the tarantula crept closer to the spider, raised a leg for a few seconds and then very gently touched the spider with it. That was it! She was done. She turned around toward me and I felt a sort of loving acknowledgment from her before she crawled back toward the stick. Eduardo then took her back outside at the base off the window, ran and got his video camera and then captured this beautiful creature on tape. She didn't seem to mind, posing for a while before it was time to move on. (And yes, it would've been great to have the previous events on tape, but when you are witnessing something so beautiful, it is difficult to think.) By the time we got back to the fireplace, the happily restored spider was gone. He must've had places to go and other spider people to see.

Here is a shot of the lovely being that I feel was overseeing my lessons on spiritual healing that day. My gratitude goes out to her, to the sweet-singing messenger bird, and of course last but certainly not least, my wonderful and willing drowning 'victim', Mr. Daddy Long Legs. Perhaps he chose to return to life, or perhaps at the very least I learned that spiders who appear to be completely drowned and dead, are not in fact, dead. It doesn't matter. This profound lesson on healing remains with me to this day and has been put into practice many times since.

Thank you Grandmother Spider. I shall never forget my greatest teaching on healing ever!

Out of Context

2006-08-03T12:13:00.000-07:00

I've struggled with several non-poetic writings and cannot seem to make headway. So I sit down to just feel and write what comes fast and easy. Who knows what will come of my accumulating logical presentations. Perhaps they'll land in the graveyard with a tombstone that reads, "Tried to be cerebral. Perhaps in another life."

I used to be so good at being human,
Now I'm failing miserably.
What is being human?
My entire life
Is a testament to
Finding,
And living,
In greater ways.
Every single day
I did beg,
To be inspired by something,
Or someone,
Who would own,
What he proclaimed.
But haven't you noticed?
Beggars seem to be asking
For something more
Than a little change.
Giving up on neediness
Brings cosmic loads of gold,
And a heavenly sort of fame.

Yet a life out of context
Renders you unknown,
On the fringe of time,
Where God and angels roam.
Here you have no face to save
And you have no faith to lose!
So be one of those --
A bringer of Truth.
Carry the golden angel
Home.

Pretty Wings

2006-07-31T22:11:00.000-07:00

Some caterpillars don't see butterflies.
Back then,
When I saw and spoke of them,
They called me crazy,
Doomed to fantasize
About things
That will never be.
They told me to read more,
Go to school,
And then I'd see.
So now when I fly nearby
I take care,
Because I know for sure,
That 'pretty wings'
Are far off things
In caterpillar
Vernacular.
Oh but bless those souls
Who look up from the leaves,
They truly see.
And they have learned,
To quietly
Believe.

Stumbled

2006-07-29T15:18:00.000-07:00

This morning I stumbled into God,
Thoughts and words
Fell into
Echoey crevasse.
I wondered.
Yet how can I still wonder here?
Somehow we managed to talk.
Why am I still alive
In this water-starved world,
A ghost of a mermaid
Seen by none?
God said
Wow!
A daughter stumbled here.

Do You Honestly Think?

2006-07-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

Can we honestly think anything?

HONEST comes via Old French honeste, from Latin honestas, from honestus. From it, English acquired honesty, whose application to the plants of the genus Lunaria was inspired by their nearly-transparent seedpods. [From the "The Dictionary of Word Origins", John Ayto]

So here we see that honesty is about transparency of our seedpods - hiding nothing. Sounds kind of like the guy who got caught with his shorts down... and I'm sure when it comes to total honesty, it may feel that way to a lot of people! Thinking is an intellectual activity - by its very nature disconnected from the deeper touch-feel-know. Maybe that's why so much of the time we feel that we live in two worlds - one is work or business, the other is home and family. One is lived primarily in the intellect; the other is (hopefully) in the heart. In the realm of the intellect it's just easier to lie, or fool ourselves and others into 'buying' something that really isn't for us. When we are honestly feeling or heart-centered it's a lot tougher to lie and a lot easier to discern whether something is for us.

For the past few days Guidance has gently nudged me with clarifying reminders about this work that I do with feelings. I was reminded that the 'feelings aloud' work isn't just about rattling off random feelings willy-nilly. Sometimes I forget to stress that Guidance has been emphasizing the honest voicing of feelings in any given now moment. This instantly narrows the possibility of drowning in a giant pool of yours (as well as others) intellectualized feelings and brings us quickly into lucidity and awareness of what's going on with our own Soul Body in this moment. What are you honestly feeling right now? Name it. Then do it again (lather, rinse, repeat). And then again. You may be surprised at what you discover and where it quickly leads you if you stick with it. [An example of a feeling dialogue is on my other blog, "What I Know by Heart"]

I have been guided that our bodies and feeling nature are in the present moment, and it is the honest expression of what we are conscious of right now that lands us into that lucid state of communion - self meeting the Greater Self.

Thus, the way to a conscious connection with Creator/Source is honesty. I was also shown this:

honesty = innocence
innocence = doorway to Source
doorway to Source = awareness of equality with Source
awareness of equality with Source = stepping into Oneness
Oneness = freedom from the lie that we were ever outside of this in the first place!

Phil. 2:5, (KJV) Let this mind [knowing] be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God . . . .

Honest feelings are grounded in the body and grounded to Earth. I know it goes against all that we are conditioned to believe, but what I have found is that first of all we actually can know Creator while on Earth. Contrary to what you were taught, this wasn't just a 'special' gift bestowed upon Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, and many other enlightened beings that walked the planet. This is a gift for ALL of humanity. Secondly, the way to know the Creator and in turn BE your True Self with all of your talents and abilities in this world, is through honest feelings, grounded in your body, and grounded in Earth. Seems we may not actually be utilizing our bodies and feeling nature to their highest calling because we haven't been fully here to discover it! We have been living primarily in the past or the future, which is an easy thing to do when you draw primarily from the intellect.

So the moral of the story is, we can't really think our way to honesty, innocence or to God. It's true, the intellect helps us to solve the many problems that arise while living within the more limited and separate view, but transformation and the resetting of our entire worldview from the idea of separation to the knowing of wholeness takes place in the heart.

Thank you to Tsjeu for use of the Lunaria photo.

Chocolate Haiku

2006-07-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

I tried and tried and tried to be profound today. No dice. We're in a new moon cycle now and when the moon vanishes I seem to get very quiet and gravitate to that which feeds me while she's away!

The moon like frosting
Dotted on a chocolate sky
Give me my heavenly fix

My first attempt at Haiku poetry. How'd I do? I think the syllable structure is supposed to be 5-7-5. Yes. I know that chocolate is technically 3 syllables which would throw my numbers off, but who says choc-o-late? It's choc-lit. OK?

Anyway, I have been enjoying my regular chocolate fix during these moonless nights. So... until the moon returns,

Bite?

God Doll

2006-07-24T23:36:00.000-07:00

What can I offer this world?
I am not one to defend against,
I bend to invasion of Soul.
These times
These roles
Are smudged and blurred,
I am drained of words,
And every clever way,
I'm sure.
What I once thought grand
Is distant memory,
And what was barely there
Now cosmic tree,
Rooted in Earth,
Rooted in me.

I am the hands and heart
Of a real God now.
Your laws
Your creed
Are falling down.
I could recite the lines
But why?
It's here
It's near
It's breathing me!
Have you ever felt such a thing?
Throw your thoughts and pen to the wind,
Let the God doll you've been dressing,
In

Close the Language Door

2006-07-22T17:36:00.000-07:00

I fear that if I eliminate words from my life I shall remain invisible to you forever. Yet more and more I find myself tiring of words. It is exhausting. I want to share who I am, what I learn, what I discover; but then I just get tangled up in all of my phrases and sentences. Analogy and metaphor have been longtime friends and allies, but I find more and more that this Love continues to be dishonored by trying to make it fit into acceptable and existing framework.

I have had a lifetime to ponder my aversion to words. It sounds strange, I'm sure, but I find myself getting uncomfortable when people 'say grace' before a meal or pray out loud in groups. I have always felt this way, even as a child. Not that I haven't ever heard sincere prayers in my life, but most of the time there was a coldness in the structure and formula that always had me wondering where everyone went while the 'beautiful' words flowed out over our food. There they were, a sea of vacant bodies, plastic smiles, and me - the squirming child. I've reflected on this often and wonder if it could be the fact that my entire childhood was framed in the prayers of others - prayers that felt stiff and empty - devoid of feeling. A recent conclusion is that maybe it's not the words that I dislike; maybe it's the awareness that the words somehow don't match up with the feelings of the people saying them.

Being raised by a practicing Christian Scientist mother, I'm no stranger to the concept of prayer. But that's just it, prayer was presented to me as an intellectual concept. Just so we're on the same page, Christian Science is the religion that doesn't believe in doctors. You may remember me from elementary school. I was the student who was excused from Health Class - sent to the library to pass the time while you learned about how the body worked. This knowledge was intentionally blocked from me during this time because my mother's religion was busy informing me that my physical body and feelings were not "REAL", i.e. "There is no truth in matter" - an excerpt from the Founder of Christian Science, Mary Baker Eddy's, Scientific Statement of Being.

Many of you may relate to this. When I was very young, I recall having a sort of natural communion with God. Sometimes I spoke out loud, other times it happened purely within. Perhaps I should say that I was communing with Someone who loved me very much and was with me always - everywhere I went. Later, when I heard my mother speak about God being everywhere, I thought, 'oh... my Friend has a name?'. So I began to call this 'Friend' God. Prior to this I hadn't required a name for my friend; the thought never crossed my mind. But since there seemed to be some indication that this might be the same being that I'd been conversing with, the one that my mother said was everywhere, I went with it.

Originally, this True Friend didn't require any pomp and circumstance, and certainly no human agent to intercede or negotiate on my behalf. I didn't have to stop and think about what I would say or how I would say it. My expression was just spontaneous, honest, and innocent. My Friend seemed to enjoy this as much as I. He was accessible, wise, funny, joyful, helpful, and most of all very powerful. It was a power that was not only everywhere around me, but in me too... that is, I could feel it in my body. My heart would warm, my head would tingle, and there was no question that I had full access to that power; actually I was that power, just by my communing and moving WITH it. In other words, I was never outside of it... until I began to 'learn' otherwise, that is.

I was 'taught' many things about this God-person, and glaring inconsistencies grew between what I knew of my Friend and what I learned about God from others. As time went on I was convinced that I had mis-named my Friend because when people spoke of God as vengeful, angry and punishing, and that I should 'fear' him, I figured I had gotten my wires crossed somewhere. The Old Testament is filled with the scary-God character. I wanted nothing to do with that guy. To this day I still try to find names other than 'God' to describe this Presence that I know and love.

It's taken a lifetime now to come full circle and meet up again with the True Friend that I had communed with as a young child. I found this through a return to innocence and total surrender. I suppose you could say that I took everybody else's roadmaps to God and burned them - the Christian Science map being the first to go. In the beginning it's a little scary living off the structured grid of consciousness. With all of the usual religious and authoritative characters dismissed from the spotlight, I had only the loving Presence that came around from time to time - just to let me know that It was still there - pouring into the deepest chambers of consciousness and lifting me and my body into ecstasy. This Presence did not have an agenda, nor did it require my participation in reading lines or acting out anyone else's role but my own. The greatest blessing of all is that this Presence found me again, through an opening, and seemed to communicate in pure feeling. "I'm here. I love you. I adore you. Thank you for letting me in."

Funny how you can hear a Bible verse your whole life, "Ye shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you free", and not really 'get it'. This was a popular phrase in my early Christian Science home. My own mother must've said those words a thousand times to me while growing up - when I fell off my bike, when I got the chicken pox, when I got stung by a bee, when my head fell on the concrete and I went unconscious (didn't actually hear the words on that one, but I know that they were said); when my two brothers were ill or in an accident (fortunately nothing too serious for any of us); and lastly, I share this openly and honestly as one of the most difficult experiences of my life, I heard these words when my mother was dying. In total denial of her illness and its ravaging effects on her frail body, no doctors or medicine allowed, she looked up at me and laughed, saying, "Don't cry Eileen. I'm not going to die. God is Love, and the Truth will set me free." It was surreal. Oh how I wanted to believe it. The law rendered the family powerless to intercede and it was only weeks later that she was, in fact, set free - just like everyone else that passes on from this earthly experience.

Anger? I can't even begin to describe. I came to hate those words, "Ye shall know the Truth...". Words splashed across the back wall behind the church podium, in full view at every Christian Science Sunday service; words that my mother continuously repeated to her grave; words that, ironically, stood as a monument to pain. This phrase was everywhere, no escaping it, but did I or anyone really KNOW what it meant? Sure, I understood the mental concept. "Yeah, yeah. I know that one." -- we find ourselves saying oftentimes. But do we really? I watched those in the church take on a sort of entitled 'pride in ownership' approach to these and other 'declarative' phrases. Today I see that it was simply a symbol that stood for something that was beyond most of us, and it had a deeper meaning that we hadn't actually owned at all. How can the Truth compete with that? There were no spaces, no windows for the true meaning and grace behind the words to flow in and make Itself KNOWN.

I re-learned the natural way to pray out of conversing with my True Friend once again. It starts with the awareness that there is a perceived distance between us, and in order to make it conscious, I speak this awareness out loud. This is followed by a discipline of speaking any and all truthful feelings that I am having out loud. The more real and the more true the expressed feelings are, the more I begin to perceive a change in the weather. Clouds in my consciousness part and a growing clarity ensues. It feels as if the closed up, stuffy house that I've been living in suddenly wakes up and breathes. At this point I have closed the door to words and language and a window to the word-less has been opened. In blows a refreshingly cool, soft, Divine summer breeze, pouring over and gently triggering the quickening of my slumbering consciousness. My heart and my hands seem to explode into an orgasmic ecstasy all their own. My entire physical body celebrates the return of this Manna, this Grace that feeds, enlivens, colors and restores. My excited lungs gasp and quickly draw in-Spirit, as if all together we were being born for the first time. A deep, slow breathing takes over, and gradually I realize, this is not 'I' breathing, this is Creator breathing me! It is here that I 'land' back into or re-turn to pure Love - where I feel and KNOW the Truth as a natural and spontaneous in-pouring and outpouring of Pure Consciousness. The four walls of my once stuffy little house disintegrate and I am now swimming in Life itself. No thoughts. No needs. No pain. No words.

I find it a wonder and a miracle today that I can even speak about the 'Truth that sets us free'. Ironically, it was only by letting go of thoughts and concepts, and embracing my feelings and physicality, that I landed in the Present Moment. The view here is one of wholeness, peace, innocence, love, balance, joy... and yes, Truth. It is such an abundant, overflowing experience and I find myself naturally wanting to share it, to extend it to someone or something that is still perceiving itself as fragmented. So I do. I ask before entering the Present Moment that the presenting 'problem' be resolved or restored to wholeness through this all loving, all-encompassing Awareness. Interestingly enough, when I enter the oneness of the Present-Moment Knowing state, the persona Eileen is no longer available to speak, yet a beautiful prayer or statement is spoken. And then something shifts, or is 'set free'.

I believe we are here to recognize our greatness in form, and it starts with the simple act of opening a window. This Presence that flows through is the "I Am", or another way that it has been presented to me is, "That Which You Are". This is the God Self that has been invited into the life and then broadcasts or 'channels' through, declaring the Truth by its very Presence, and transforming or healing the outer mis-understandings that have occurred from this temporary, fragmented view. That's it! Period. The restoration occurs when we ask. The 'catch' is, we must invite it from the understanding that we are equal to, or in resonant harmony with 'IT', or, The One who KNOWS the Truth. In other words, we cannot effectively create or change ourselves and our world while at the same time perceiving a distance between us and the One Who Creates. We must at least be willing to crack open the window and FEEL the Divine breeze upon our skin before we take on the responsibility of voicing a prayer and manifesting or demonstrating the Truth.

"You (humankind) are fast becoming that which you once worshipped." I 'heard' this coming out of meditation a few years back. It was huge to me. I gasped in response to the words and the energy that poured through with it. Yet at the same time I felt all of my ancestors screaming through my blood and bones, "Blasphemy!". But that's not how I responded, because I remembered how it felt as a child to unquestioningly own that. I knew that truth back then because I hadn't closed myself off from it yet. I was fully present and in my body back then as a child, and I'm in my body now when I feel and know that Power as myself, where prayer is a natural outpouring of Love that just happens to land into words from time to time. And just for the sake of clarity, I'm sure I'll still feel all of this power, grace and glory when I don't have a body as well!

So in closing I'd like to say that I love you Mom. Maybe it was truly your time to go, I just wish we could have done that differently. My life and experience has led me down a different path, and I have a different relationship to healing and prayer than you or Grandma did. I'm grateful to have been exposed to Christian Science, but in this moment I have to say that I disagree with Mrs. Eddy's "no truth in matter" statement. I suppose it's always a possibility that something was lost in translation on my part, but in my experience, the ecstatic, Present Moment state is an invitation and acceptance of Love, Truth and Divinity INTO matter! This 'matter', this material body that we have been given to move about in is utterly amazing to me. We not only use it to sense and interact with the world around us and to play and communicate with each other, but Creation (God) uses it to commune with us as well - activating our Divine senses where we find ourselves 'landing' in that word-less awareness of the Truth of Life and the omnipresence of the Natural World and our Natural Being.

There is a grace, beauty, harmony and perfection manifest here on Earth right now - in a mountain, a river, a flower or a stone. And lest they be invisible to you, these natural forms are some of the greatest demonstrators of Truth on Earth today. Can you see? Can you hear? In the Present Moment we do not 'say' our prayers to the Creator. We are Her prayers.

There is some kiss we want
with our whole lives,
the touch of Spirit on the body.

Seawater begs the pearl
to break its shell.

And the lily, how passionately
it needs some wild Darling!

At night, I open the window
and ask the moon to come
and press its face against mine.
Breathe into me.

Close the language-door,
and open the love-window

The moon won't use the door,
only the window.

Rumi

And Now She's Back... from Outer Space

2006-07-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

I'm back from my trip, plus I took a bit of time to rest, restore and integrate my experiences. I want to thank those who posted their well wishes in the comments section of my blog. I found that it was good to take a break from the sense of pressure I sometimes experience about keeping up with my posts. It was healthy for me to let it all go and allow life to happen in other ways.

This morning I held a stone in my hand and I heard/felt,

"Change may occur when you are informed by your world (knowledge). Transformation will occur when you are informed by God (Wisdom)."

I was then shown a whole chart of how this works. It's a bit overwhelming when these downloads occur, but I love them. I expect that it will take some time to translate it all. More material for the book I suppose.

I'm writing a new song today. I love it when it just 'happens'. The continuing theme throughout most of my music is giving voice to the Feminine Spirit. I'm happy to pass these messages on through song and I must say that I do feel blessed to 'hear' and feel them. Even if I never share them with anyone, I find them healing and restorative... and sometimes rather blunt. Blunt is good in my book. I welcome a world with no BS.

I had a dream experience last night. It's amazing how much more we know in these states. I found myself in front of a group of people and I was demonstrating how to dematerialize from this world and re-materialize in another. The interesting part of this phenomenon was that the 'next world' was only a hair's breadth away from this world. In our minds we (humans) like to imagine other worlds being so far, far away. It's really all right here - one slight tick and you're in the next world. Anyway, I seemed quite knowledgeable about it all in the dream. Wonder where that all goes when I wake up? Or should I say, when I fall back asleep? Because in reality, for me, the more 'awake' world has always been the one during sleeptime or meditation.

Meanwhile, in the land of the mundane, I'll keep writing songs and poetry, and wait for the scientist-me to join us when she's ready.

On the Road Again...

2006-06-28T13:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Treasured Friends and Readers,

I will be on the road for two weeks and do not know how much internet accessibility or time I will have to post or read on Blogger - hopefully a lot of both :-)

Happy 4th of July to all!

Coffee... Tea? ...Waves of Pure Bliss?

2006-06-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I come across interesting things that I've written and forgotten about... until I'm searching for something else and stumble upon it. This morning I decided to get serious again about why I decided to blog in the first place. Six months ago I announced that I was writing a book. I've got pieces of this book everywhere - on my laptop, two external hard drives, two blogs, binders, papers, and more papers. Folders of files include journals (spanning 26 years), songs, poetry, channelings, e-mails, movies, photos - all fragments that long to be brought into a whole picture; a whole story. I made that commitment this morning and then found the computer file (below) from Fall of last year. I spend far too much time on the internet these days. I love it, but I also find that I distract myself with it as well. You know how it is. Anyway, I believe that the excerpt below was one of my many attempts to begin the sharing of my story. There is also another large start over on my first blog, What I Know by Heart. I believe that all of my writing up to this point has been to exercise my writing muscles, to build up the confidence I require to finally... ahem... get to the heart of the matter.

Below you will find, "Life Story Start #438" (just kidding). The point is, the sharing of my story is designed to lead into the knowing power and bliss that I have 'accidently' discovered, and how I apply it in my daily life now. It is a story of not only the evolution of my own consciousness, but I believe it may speak to the evolution of humankind. Some are calling this, 'the Divine Human', and from what I've been told, or informed of in a knowing way, is that this is the reason that many of us are alive on earth right now. We are here to be present, front and center, for the next big leap.

One more note: I'll be spending more time writing off-line in the months to come, plus I have a few long journeys scheduled up to the end of the year. This is sure to result in fewer blog posts, but I will do my best to share as often as I can.

Excerpt from October 2005 writing:
The waves of pure bliss would come in the darkest and quietest moments of sleep and dreamtime. I would become aware that something unusual was happening to me somewhere between the time that my back arched up off the bed, arms and fingers outstretched; and the half-shouting, animal-like moaning sounds that seemed to be my body’s way of already joyously thanking this primal love frequency that my mind simply could not categorize, control, and least of all respond to. I have discovered that the mind must have a way of framing information before it can even ‘think’ about responding to such an interruption of normalcy.

For years I read everything I could get my hands on about extraterrestrials, abductions, wisdom from our ‘space brothers’, etc. Nothing completely satisfied me. Sure, I had experienced some of the more classic symptoms of being ‘taken’ from my bed, having an alien baby, and being ‘worked on’ by strange-looking beings while laid out on a metal table. You know, everyday talk around the watercooler. These experiences were wild and mind-blowing, but imagine experiences like that paling in comparison to the ‘love visits’ that I couldn’t, for the life of me, find a framework or a file folder for. Even though I spent every spare moment over the last two decades reading everything from “Autobiography of a Yogi” to the latest books on research in quantum physics, there simply was no place to ‘put’ these experiences to the degree that I could wash my hands of it and walk away... or get on with the living of a 'normal' life. So I would forget…until it happened again. Then forget again. And back it would come. This cycle has continued to today – into this very moment that I find myself recollecting it and recording it in the form of words on a page.

Today I am aware of this energy and its presence throughout my life because it has evolved. Today it comes while I am awake. It comes when I least expect it; it comes when I ask. And when it comes it has the power to literally bring me to my knees, with weeping, like I would imagine the sick and infirmed did when Jesus laid his hand on them and they were healed. I know now that they probably weren’t just weeping with joy because they were happy to be healed. I’m certain that they were quite happy about that, but still I feel that there is more. Perhaps this is what happens to the physical body when it’s in the presence of pure Love. I believe that our bodies have the capacity and the wisdom to ‘remember’ and respond in moments such as these, to restore itself to the truth of life; to the truth of who we really are. The body celebrates through an ecstatic outcry that in my experience follows the sudden and quick inhalation of the divine breath of life, the long-lost manna, the waters of life that we have all but forgotten in our busy lives. We might have fallen into a deep sleep, but thankfully our bodies have the innate wisdom to respond – to dance, to shout, to weep with joy.

It’s sad that people still think tears are sad. I have found in my interactions with other humans that the expression of feelings in general are very frightening – as if they must guard against and protect themselves from 'catching the disease' that caused the nearby 'victim's' feelings to come out in unexpected and seemingly uncontrollable ways. I must agree though, the honest expression of feelings does possess the power to blow down or annihilate carefully crafted images of the self as well as the world. It can also lead to full communion - a conscious connection with Creation itself.

With these powerful 'visits' came indescribable bliss and ecstasy, as well as the repetitive and complete destruction of my current world view - whatever that was at the time; and then of course the slow rebuilding again. Over and over, this was the pattern in my life. And there was no one around me, and I mean no one, who seemed to have the capacity to help. So I began to talk out loud, with feeling, to any angel, spirit helper, Jesus, God... (anyone, please!) who might hear and respond. Turns out I had a lot to talk about in my seemingly endless one-way conversations. I gave up on anyone actually answering pretty early on, which turned out to be a key turning point for me. This evolved into my own simple pleasure of releasing honest feelings, along with the surprise of finding a few delightful epiphanic gifts along the way. I really got to know myself; I laughed with myself. I cried with myself... and more importantly, I fell in love with myself. And then one fine day I must have rounded a new corner with this exercise; because on this day, much to my astonishment, someONE answered...

The Language of God

2006-06-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

I woke up with this blog title. It's a simple message. The language of God and all of Nature is feeling. Period. I don't just think this. I know. What I have discovered is that feeling leads to knowing. Yet how do I describe my process of discovery in words? It's my ongoing dilemma. People will say, you're an artist... that's what artist's do! They interpret creation! While I enjoy creating art, it's not my permanent job to be translator for people who have the language skills within their own being to commune directly with God. And even if I do paint a picture, sing a song, or dance a story, will you see? Will you hear? I feel it's a cop out to say that it's the artists who will carry the heart for all of humanity. We're getting tired. Tired of being poor and devalued. Tired of trying to get you to pay attention. Do you realize the courage it takes to say 'no' to the addictions of the the intellect? To follow the heart?

People talk about wanting to talk to God. God doesn't speak in words. He/She speaks in feeling. Don't be afraid to commune with the Creator. Don't be afraid of your feelings. No matter who you are, where you are, or what you do, YOU can talk to God. It's called communion, and that's not just a church ritual. I'm talking about the real thing. You could start by communing with a tree, a stone, a river, a dragonfly, a squirrel. God is there. Ready? Set. Go!

I just want to say that I honor all artists everywhere. The ones who are artful, the ones who are heart-ful in every activity. You know who you are. Thank you for being the carrier of feeling; for translating the language of God to forgetful humans; for demonstrating what is possible and being the promise of more. I know 'they' said the job was temporary. Be patient. Soon you will relax into full acceptance of your own creative expression with no need to prove yourself to anyone. Why? How? Soon all of humanity will awaken from this intellectual dream. They will remember the one language again - Feeling and Knowing. Oh we'll probably still use the intellect, but it won't be the same. Grok?

Remember when the towers fell?
I do.
The world lit silent
For a spell.
It was a spell of heart,
Speechless
Feeling
Flashes
Of power,
In the magic
Of timelessness.
And in our losing
Of all human sense,
God spoke
Just there,
In present tense.

Deep in the heart
Of all hearts,
We know there is no death.
So let us recognize
Their parting gift.
See
Hear
And die
To the illusion of time,
In every waking moment
Be alive!
Choose not fear
And terror
As disguise,
As cover
For your own
Lost
Life.

Even if it was
Just one
Held
Breath,
Humanity met.
And yet,
Need it be so harsh?
Forcing blows may
Rock the soul
But there are better roads
To time-less-ness.
Rather,
We could choose laughter,
Time stops all the same.
In-breath or out,
There is feeling
Touching taste,
Of what it is
To rouse,
The Greater Self
Awake.

And Now a Few Words from our Sponsor...

2006-06-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

Creation
A Channeled Response 6/23/06

[Note: The first paragraph was actually a tail-end excerpt of a purely personal message for me. I had questions about what channeling actually is, and how to explain channeling to those who have never heard of it, or have preconceived ideas about it. I have my usual clarifying notes in brackets.]

"...like water or wind. There is a focus of intention to surround or envelop the element, to give it direction in its pouring in, in its streaming in. In learning this technique, this approach of channeling, it does take time for human to adapt, to become vehicle... an intentional vehicle of this pouring through. There is some confusion initially in this practice as to how much the mind is invited into this form of communion. Each channel will find their own comfort zone as you say. Some do have more of a degree of mind and thought involved in their connection. This [referring to my channeling] is example of embracing the feeling nature and allowing the streaming in, and the interpretation thereof, of these insights. It is insight on the part of the human, for insight implies translation. There is [such a thing as] pure wisdom. There is pure love. There is pure truth. It is the energy of Creation. Artists are given some permission by community to translate. And some have the courage to translate without a great deal of support and encouragement. This has been difficult for human. Thus you have this character identity of the tortured artist, for there is much pain in attempting to translate what has been termed the 'unknown' to other humans. [Other humans who have more of an intellectual orientation.]

...So how does one communicate with Creation? We are doing it in this moment. In this moment your intention was to translate with words. Creation IS. And is available at all times to all beings.

Humans have a very unique perspective, a unique creation, a unique design in which to explore consciousness. For the design is one that implies disconnect from Creation. It wasn't always this way with the design for human. This [what we experience today] is where human has evolved from their original intention, their original design. Initially humans were aware - conscious aware beings in form, yet not as densely formed as you are in these times on your planet. There was functional design, beauty in the design, and purpose was inherent within the creation. Purpose was not found outside the creation of this being. This [idea of inherent purpose] is what you now refer to as present moment. For in the present moment there is no question about your purpose, about your gifts, about your capacities for fulfillment. It is all inherent and residing in the present.

Enlightenment is simply a happening, described or translated to the best of the experiencer's ability, of a present-moment awareness. When one becomes aware in present tense, one recalls their connection to All that they are, and they become aware of the power that is available to them in that 'flash', as it has been described. And you are literally changed from that point on, for you now have in-formed your body that this is possible once again, for [full] consciousness to be present in physicality. Once the body is reminded, injected with this divine fluid, there is no turning back, as you say. It is an impossibility to return to the [perception of a] disconnected state, for in that moment of enlightenment you have fused your once-categorical mind into the spirit-mind-body blend. In this fusion, the Oversoul if you will, returns to whatever degree it is invited into the life. [In other words] the grounding for this once-separate self is now available. There is container; there is channel for it.

Now. There has been in your past experience mention of enlightened beings separating themselves from the masses. There must be the time and the space, the solitude, in order to integrate and to strengthen this infusion of Soul. For the Being has been born; the Being is actually alive on earth for the first time. This is what has been termed being 'born again' on your planet. This is a time to be gentle and patient with the needs of the newborn. Now in your society, in your [western] culture, in this modern day in which you find yourselves within, there are not so many of the role models, or examples of enlightenment. You have your examples in your mind's reference far, far, far away in the East... the place where the enlightened ones reside. Do you see? That's how you have assigned enlightenment culturally. This speaks loudly of your culture's distancing from this potential, from this possibility. Therefore, the enlightened ones you have within your very culture go unrecognized.

It is a big assignment, do you see, to invite this experience within the western culture. For the way you have designed your lives is one of distraction, to say the least. Your flurries of activity, your busy lives assuredly prevent this connection with the Oversoul. Yet if there is a desire for the infusion, for the memory of your total identity, then it will be so. But you must not concern yourself with timelines [or expectancy], do you see? Should one be desirous of the reconnection, the remembrance of your totality, then a discipline of intention would be advised. This could come in many, many, many forms - move in the direction that you are drawn. In discipline, what is meant from this view, is not necessarily so much of the existing rituals [from the past], for truly the creation of your own physical rituals would be more powerful at this time. By discipline, what is meant here is; that in each activity within the practice that you choose you are restating your intention to know, to be alive, to be present. This may take the form of moving meditation or still meditation. It may take the form of physical exercise. It may take the form of mantra, chanting, toning, and it may take other forms that humans are introducing now into your realm. It matters not, as long as the form feels comfortable to you. With each disciplined practice, voicing your intentions would be advised. What do you want? For there must be a container of intention. There must be the invitation for this transformational experience to occur in your lives.

Now the big question that has rung out into the ethers from Planet Earth is, 'where will I find the time to do that?' Simple. Where you begin is right where you are. You are busy in your office and you recognize that it is not fulfilling to you. Then you begin there. Take a moment for yourself, whether it is at your place of work, or if it is when you arrive at home. Close the door. Be alone. Lock it if you must. And say out loud,

"I choose to be fulfilled in this life. I welcome this. I know that there is more to who I am, and I invite this loving Being into my life here and now. I am willing for my life to change benevolently for myself and for those around me, in order to achieve this balance, this peace that I know is possible."

Do you see what we are saying about beginning right where you are? There is the perception that you have your work life, you have your home life, you have your recreational life, you have your spiritual life. There are so many categories of human now that you do not allow yourself to be your spiritual self at work, or your recreational self with your spiritual self, and so on. You are intending to fuse all of these benevolent qualities of yourself. That is the whole idea! So begin right where you are. For that is where the present moment is accessed, and this is where your so-called 'enlightenment' flows through - into present moment. There is no reason anymore, at this point now in time, for humans to procrastinate. And why would you choose to procrastinate the fullness, the wisdom, the skills the talents that are yours? The reason that we would perceive that procrastination would occur is the fear of your world and your life [as you know it] falling apart. Know that the parts that no longer serve you and no longer serve those around you will fall apart and fall away. But wouldn't that be part of your intention anyway?

Transformation is occurring at this time in your evolution, whether you consciously choose to participate or not. The joy, the ecstasy, the fulfillment is available to humans right now. Many of you have already experienced this, or tastes of it, as you say. For you are practicing present-moment life on your planet now. It is being done. It is being demonstrated. And you will see evidence of this in the coming three years on your planet. An explosion of consciousness, an explosion of awareness, an explosion of joy - a renaissance like none other witnessed on your planet. Invite it now. There is no more waiting.

So in this way, enlightenment is not the last step on your path of evolution; it is the beginning. We thank you for welcoming this stream of wisdom. We thank you for channeling it into your lives. Good day."

So You're Enlightened. Now What?

2006-06-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

I was made aware this morning that enlightenment is really not the ultimate goal here on Earth. Believe it or not, many people walking the planet now are enlightened. It is the integration of enlightenment into our everyday lives and communities that is the exciting challenge of the day.

Draw up your image reference for a guru or holy man in the East. More often than not he is sitting in a cave, deep in meditation, far from everyday distractions. This is good. His/Her presence in this way is a great service to us all - in ways we may never know or need to know.

Many of us have retreated over the past several years, like a monk in a cave, consciously or unconsciously separating ourselves from our family, friends; and most importantly, the image we have held about who we are. So it's been awhile. We are changed. We have seen and felt more of ourselves now. Some may stay here and be the 'knower in the cave'. And some will emerge. We're heading down the mountain now and not only mingling with the masses, but also staying there, being in the world but not of it... being present, no matter what is happening around us.

Now that's a challenge! Thankfully we have had several teacher/demonstrators in the world to inspire us... to show us 'the way' this is done.

Today there are thousands of enlightened beings amongst us who walk down the mountain everyday to work, shop, play... and smile at you. Sometimes they feel alone with their joy; alone with the magic of Life; alone with their gifts. Can you imagine? No one has proclaimed them 'enlightenened', nor do they require it... but they do seek community. Perhaps you may smile back.

Let's begin to speak who we are... out loud. Let's make our mark right where we stand. You are not alone. And if you do not feel welcome here, then be the first to welcome your Self into this experience on Earth. Believe that you will be met, right where you are. Be bold enough to be who you are in THIS world, rather than waiting until some future imagined and distant place where you can relax and be large. I believe that this is how we will create a New Earth - a new community of wholly enlightened beings.

So it seems reaching the highest peak and planting our flag of 'the enlightened state' is not the highest accomplishment on Earth after all. Even conquering mountain climbers eventually come back down the mountain, forever changed by the transcendental experience of it all. So if you meet a mountain climber, you may ask them about their 'peak' experience, and more than likely they will be happy to share. But if you're really attentive, you may be privy to the biggest secret of all. They did not leave that mountain peak behind, off in the distance or in the past, but rather they carry the mountain with them now, radiating the power and magnificence of their own ultimate experience of "IT' wherever they go, and through whatever they do.

I remember the late 80's/early 90's when the pervasive proclamation amongst many new-agers (including myself) was, "I'm on my way to enlightenment and once I hit that mark baby, I'm outta here!"

Oops. Wrong again. While some may physically move on to a new focus, into other places, into other forms, having other experiences as we do; in pure consciousness we all remain present, perhaps never really going anywhere.

In whatever play
We find our role to be,
Do we accept it
Unquestionably?
What if we climbed high
And saw the stage
In its entirety?
I know that once we do
We are changed by the view.
I wonder then,
Does the play change too?

Naturalized Citizen

2006-06-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

I died that day. It was about fifteen years ago, after a few years of working for some of the largest companies in the defense industry. At least it felt like a death to me. On that particular day, I had been feeling the usual heaviness and discomfort from all-day typing and compiling of data from within a sealed vault. I did that a lot back then, holding a secret clearance and all. The content was most troubling and I often wondered why I, such a peaceful person, would land in a job such as this. As I gathered my things around 5:30 p.m. to make the usual trek to the parking lot, I felt exhausted… spent, as they say. I seemed to carry more sadness than I could call my own.

Upon emerging from the giant glass doors to the outside world, I stopped dead in my tracks. Splashed before me, across the entire western sky, was the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen. I've seen a lot of stunning sunsets in my life; this one was beyond extraordinary. I was so taken by its beauty that I dropped a few of my things. There I stood with my purse and lunch bag at my feet, trying to catch my breath as tears streamed down my face. It was surreal as many others who'd been discharged from their daily obligations poured out the doors around me. My unyielding form didn't seem to interfere with their flow, like gushing waters oblivious to a randomly anchored stone. At this time of day there were millions with no other thought but to return to the comforts of home by way of a busy thoroughfare. I was perfectly still, going nowhere, and in the deafening quiet, a greater sense of Home seemed to envelop me.

Time stopped and the beauty of the sky pierced directly into my heart. I realized how far I had traveled in this life, beyond the boundaries of all that is true, real, and natural. I stood there, completely dumbstruck for what seemed to be hours, and when I did finally return to everyday consciousness, I discovered that the parking lot had thinned and it was growing dark. I wiped my eyes and gathered up my things, but before completely crossing back into my old world and re-entering the ordinary stream of consciousness and traffic that day, I made a special request.

In that moment, I asked out loud, "Please dear God, let me just be one molecule that helps to create this kind of beauty, this kind of magic... just one molecule and I would be forever grateful." I went on to state that I couldn't go on this way - at least not now. I knew too much to do that. I had been exposed to a level of beauty and grace that had the power to obliterate all of what I had thought to be true and real. And what purpose I held secret clearance for was nothing compared to this level of intelligence. As far as I was concerned, this WAS the ultimate in intelligence and I didn't even have to have a secret clearance for it. Just open your eyes Eileen, and there it is!

I managed to get to my car and write down the words that were coming so rapidly. Much later it became a song called, "Almost Time", on my 2nd solo CD. I have continued to 'naturalize' my life ever since, having been blessed with many deaths and rebirths - from a mechanized way of thinking to the return of a wholly new and earthly perspective. I believe that the Creator did indeed hear me that day. I feel guided, loved and supported in my increasing awareness of the natural world and my citizenship within this beautiful place. It is here that I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that all of us have a magnitude of power to be and do extraordinary things just by being who we are. Sunsets live and die everyday, radiating and broadcasting a natural beauty and grace for all who will see it and take it in. Many of us are awakening to this now, and we're meeting up to change the world. It seems in our own creative ways we asked to join the sunset, died, and became the dawn.

Almost Time
I remember the day I died
Upon my five o’clock release
From the cold machine
I walked out to a painted sky
That took my breath away
And I cried
God let me be alive!

And yeah we’re all afraid
As we head for home tonight
But it’s alright
‘Cause the colors live inside
And I can hear
Yes I can hear
It’s almost time

I remember the night I flew
A wounded frame lay in sleep
As spirit soared
Then came the pain
Of my return
The gift slipped through my hands
And I cried
God let me stay alive

And yeah we’re all afraid
As we head for home tonight
But it’s alright
‘Cause the navigator lives inside
And I can hear
Yes I can hear

I’m at the center of the bridge
And it’s a terrifying place
I am here to lose my life
As my soul cries out in haste
Come to me finally
I’ve waited for this day
I’ve longed for you and loved you
Rest now
No more pain

I remember the day I died
Sinking down to the bottom of the world
I found the sun
Another life lost
Another soul gained
Like a newborn I’ve arrived
And I cry God...

We’re all afraid
As we head for home tonight
But it’s alright
‘Cause the whole world turns inside
And I can hear
Yes I can hear
... its time

© 2002 (Music & Words) Eileen Meyer

Too Good to be True

2006-06-17T14:46:00.000-07:00

Interesting phrase, isn't it? We've taken to being surprised when good things happen. And not only that, within this expression there is an implied fear that even if the goodness has managed to cast its light beyond the inner and outer boundaries of human expectation, it will not last.

I notice that I start to become a little nervous when day after day life seems to be going so well. When will the other shoe drop? That's another one! (I'll have to do a search on the origin of that phrase sometime.)

When I begin to feel anxiety, it takes but a moment of sitting down and speaking my feelings aloud to come to the realization that I have yet again popped out of the present moment experience - back into the past, or ahead into the future. I don't know about you, but I find that the past and the future for me is mostly about thought, ideas, concepts - things that we were told or conditioned to believe to be true and then indubitably accept as our foundation for Earth life. And built upon these pre-fabricated underpinnings are so many added layers of conforming architecture that we ourselves have lost sight of the sacred, innocent being we have housed within.

Therefore, when a larger feeling of Goodness blesses us, one that we have not heretofore known in our earthly experience, it falls into the too-good-to-be-true-based-on-what-I-know-from-the-past, or the what-I-can-imagine-is-possible-for-the-future category. Sadly, under these circumstances we have a tendency to disregard it or send it away - sorry, no room at the inn.

In my experience I have found that the past and future ideas that I entertain are actually the opposite of 'good or true' for my well being-ness. Yet that's where I see most of us spending our time. It's different when we're children. I recall a time when I was blissfully playing or creating in the moment with no need to check into the past or future to make comparisons or to assure myself that I was 'on track' or 'doing it right'. In addition, during this brief anomaly of human experience, I had no need for outside approval of my creations. Remember that? There was actually a time when we didn't even need mom or dad to applaud our crayon or finger-paint masterpieces, or to languish praise over yet another exquisite design of a Lego-land palace. Somewhere along the line though, we started to look up and over to our parents, grandparents or siblings, for some sort of acknowledgment that we 'got it right', or that it was 'good'. For the life of me I can't remember the exact age, where I was living, or even which family dog slept peacefully nearby, but one day it just wasn't enough that I was in love with my wondrous creations, as well as myself.

Thankfully, this morning I was able to pop back in to the present. I'm so grateful for the guidance that I receive along the way, in my circular journey to innocence, the present-moment, and truth. It is here that I not only remember the purity of that delightful being housed within, I am able to embrace and welcome her into my everyday life. I love her, and I do learn so much from her while I am able to sustain these relatively short and intermittent bursts of lucidity.

So now I work on catching myself before I blurt out a knee-jerk cynical phrase like "too good to be true". And when I do catch it, I simply revise it to, "It's good to be true".

P.S. This poem just happened, clearly informing me that it was a part of this post. I just love it when it comes easy... hmmm... like when we were children?

Do not try
For she cannot be contained
Or even dressed
In the clothing of your time
She is naked now
Yet never to huddle
Or shiver
In shame
Again
Walls dissolve
Cover your eyes
Or smile sweetly
While going blind
The Divine Child
Larger than life
Larger
Than your pictures
Of empty sky
Who would've thought?
Born of earth with human eyes
For which she does not
Nor ever will
Apologize

© Eileen Meyer

Feeling and Creation

2006-06-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

This is a full-circle dialogue between 'I' and 'Other'. It is an artistic rendering inspired by a feeling dialogue that I had a few years ago. I've been following this exercise ever since. It changed my life then, and continues to do so now. Each time I land in the present moment, it is more powerful and transformative than the last. Incidentally, this was when I discovered how beautifully the structure of Benevolent Magic and Living Prayers (through Robert Shapiro) blended with my own work. I use Benevolent Magic now on a daily basis!

In this case, "I" emerged from a meditative state. "O" symbolizes the voice of 'other' or from the 'ego' state, if you will - the voice that has been highly conditioned by parents, teachers, friends, and the western world in general.

Note who begins the dialogue and who ends.

I: I am at peace.
O: Yeah? So what will you do now?
I: No-thing.
O: [Laughter] You can't do no-thing!
I: I am.
O: You are what?
I: I am.
O: The world outside is falling apart and you do nothing! On top of it, you make no sense!
I: While I have compassion for those who suffer, I am not there. I am here.
O: You could do something. So maybe you're not presidential material, but you're an artist. The least you could do is write a song!
I: I am a song but you cannot hear.
O: You're impossible. If you do nothing than why are you here?
I: I am here. You are not.
O: But I am here. I'm right here with you... right now!
I: It's good to have you here. Now what do you feel?
O: Not that it matters, but I feel anger... frustration. Confusion!
I: Excellent.
O: Oh. So you're at peace and you want me to feel anger? Great.
I: It's good to know what you feel.
O: Why? Before this I felt ready to go out and do something useful. Now I just feel bad.
I: Before this you had no awareness of these feelings, and you would have unknowingly created from this place. There are already enough of these creations in your world, no?
O: OK. I feel angry. Now what?
I: Do you feel anything else?
O: Well. Now that you mention it, I feel tired. My knee is hurting again...(sigh). I really hate my job. I'm sad... my daughter is growing up... we don't talk much. Oh my god I'm sad. Now I'm crying! Look what you've done! Before I felt ready to take on the world and now I'm crying. What good can possibly come of this? I feel ashamed at my not being able to control...
I: There is no shame in crying. I welcome your feelings.
O: [After some time has passed] ...I didn't even know I could cry. All those feelings...I really had no idea that I felt all of that. None of this makes sense.
I: Makes sense to me. An idea is very different from a feeling. You can't think feelings. So what do you feel now?
O: Nothing. I mean... I feel good. Strange. I never thought I could feel good after 'losing it'.
I: Losing it? What is 'it'?
O: I guess it's... everything. Everything I thought I was supposed to... I mean...
I: Who is speaking now?
O: I don't know. I'm still confused.
I: Do you feel confused?
O: What a weird question. I guess I don't actually feel confused. I feel... I feel... a strange sort of peace. I'm tingling... my hands, my legs, my head. It feels so good. What's happening to me?
I: What do you want?
O: What do mean, what do I want? [Long pause]
I: What do you want to create now? No limitations.
O: What? ...wow. I don't know. I mean... I feel different. What I'm saying is I guess I don't feel the same about what I used to want. Those things were more of what I thought I wanted. I don't really want that anymore.
I: It's good to know what you don't want. Now what do you want?
O: There's so much energy! What is this? My heart is getting really warm... You're saying that I can create what I want now? This is amazing. Will it actually happen? I feel like it could. I've never felt so much energy!
I: What do you want?
O: I... I want to continue to feel this!
I: Excellent start.
O: ...and I want to feel this joy... all the time. I want to share it with others. There must be a new way for me to express this. This energy doesn't seem to fit... or it doesn't seem to want to do things the old way... or the way I thought... Great. Now I'm not sure what I want.
I: Then stick with what you want to feel.
O: Oh, OK. I want to feel peace, excitement, fulfillment... and love... in everything I do. Oh god, all of this love makes me cry. It's a good sort of cry... I don't want to forget this!
I: You were doing great until you stated what you didn't want. Continue with what you want.
O: I want to be able to recall this feeling of power always. Oh dear God, I know I'm going to forget this. How can I recall this... always?
I: Knowing what you feel leads to feeling what you KNOW.
O: So you're saying that if I forget, I can just do all of this again and I'll remember?
I: Yes. And when you remember, ask for what you want in that peaceful present moment, along with all of those warm tingly feelings, and it will be so.
O: You mean it's really that simple? Wow. I can ask for anything?
I: You can ask for anything. Requests that come from Love in this way, will benefit all Life. Therefore it will be so. What are you feeling now?
O: I am at peace.
I: Yeah? So what will you do now?
I: [Laughter] Nothing.
I: I Am.

Reorientation to the Natural World

2006-06-14T14:27:00.000-07:00

Natural World - Channeled Response 06/14/06

Yes. You are able to perceive now the distance that the Natural World beings have felt in relation to humans for centuries on this planet - living in close proximity yet with an experience and perception of distance.

Just as the Natural World is on the receiving end of human reaching and calling to connect, you are experiencing other humans reaching now to you through the barrier from your past orientation, and they are doing so of their own accord. They have found you, and they are communicating with you. There is reason for this. They may not necessarily consciously grasp the importance of the connection that they have made - not just in your case with your own personal story, but connections now being made with others who have made their journey and have arrived into their new orientation on this planet as resident of the Natural World.

Now there are humans who are aware of their residence in the Natural World with varying degrees of consciousness. You [Eileen] have been in a position in what you have created and what you have asked for, to have the time and the focus in this way to solidify, to root yourself more firmly in the Natural World orientation. For you are in understanding that this will be much of your work and service in this world - to be ambassador of sorts to those who have the interest in living more fully in this world - in form. And yet you still feel the jarring sense when your past orientation bumps up against your new orientation. It is simply that you are presented with a question in this case. Do you have an interest in returning to a more intellectual orientation of life? You see in these moments, you are given an opportunity to reaffirm where you choose to be rooted. Your panic, as you say, results from this question. Now you are to some degree reviewing within yourself your own commitment to this more natural way of life. It is still viewed to some degree as a 'this world and that world', where in fact that is not completely true. It is not that you never speak to people from your past again or never do business again or never socialize in that way. What it does mean though is, how much have you strengthened in your new orientation? Enough so to stand firm and allow this new sense of orientation and fulfillment to be communicated to others? There has been, in your old orientations, fear and judgment for not fitting in. This plays a part as well. The old patterns are reintroduced so that you may continue, as we have said, to reaffirm your new position.

You are, when presented with a call in this way from your old self's world, you are being given opportunity to stay in the present moment and speak from this place. Now in the present moment, it is not always clear ahead of time what will come through your mouth, for it is present moment. There is no planning. There is no strategizing. There is no image to fulfill or be consistent with. This, in the way you have presented here, is jarring initially. You will get through this stage, especially when you continue your re-affirmations. The words will come, the feelings will be present and you may find an entirely new world when it comes to solutions in personal relating as well as business relations. Be willing to rest in your residency in the Natural World and you will find an abundance of resource, creative solutions, new understandings, new approaches, new insights that will demonstrate to those who have bridged and called you, that you are in fact in a wonderful new place that inspires them. For that is the key here.

When you are firmly rooted in your new residency, you are in a position to manifest and demonstrate in physical form that these newly acquired skills and insights are demonstrable in this world. And as you know, this is a requirement for most people now on the planet. They must see in physical form how this works and that it has value. Do not put pressure upon yourself for you are taking this one step at a time and sharing what you have learned, what you now understand, having crossed this threshold into the more truthful, natural self. There is much in this way to share with others. You not only support each other in your varying stages of conscious rooted-ness in the Natural World, but you serve as inspiration, a beacon for those who have reached you, connected with you from the past. This is in fact how you heal the past from this present place of orientation - both on an individual level as well as a collective level. In the present moment you discover the treasure that you have all been seeking, unlimited resource for living the fulfilling lives that you choose. And your gift, as well as many others who have found their way to the present-moment orientation in the Natural World, is to reveal to any who come within your consciousness and your physical being, that there is a far more productive, fulfilling, and peaceful way of living on this planet that brings riches and success far beyond what the intellect can offer.

Practice with the breath in staying present as you do, and with feelings. You may find, as you have already done in many cases, that you are staying in the feeling realm while communicating with the past in this way, receiving your insights and communicating this from the feeling orientation. And yet, you are making sense - which is something that you have been conditioned and taught throughout your lives on this planet is not possible. You have been taught that feelings have no value to the business world, and to the 'Real World'. Humans are in for a big surprise, as you say, when they realize and come into full understanding of what the Real World truly is. For you have all been collectively settling on a very limited view and definition of the Real World. The intellect is of great service to humans, but it is not the Real World. The Real World is feeling and intellect blended in an interactive and harmonic resonant balance. Yet humans must first restore their feeling nature, which may appear to be out of balance initially with the intellect. Once the feeling nature is restored to its fullness and the healing has been complete in regard to the past orientation, the intellect can be reintroduced into the system as servant to the heart - just a slight adjustment in orientation for humans on Planet Earth. We do not mean to make light of this in this way, but it truly is a slight adjustment from the larger view.

Again, it is important at this time to ask for support on all levels when you are reorienting to the Natural World and reorienting to the feeling nature. That support will be present if asked for. As in the case with this channel, successful reorientation has not occurred without the letting go of the attachments and expectations from the past, and not without the continuous asking for help and support in all ways, in every area of human existence. This, as we have said so many times, is key. Ask for what you need, feel with passion and movement of energy within the body in your asking. When this passion and feeling is present in your request, in your truth and in all sincerity, you will see and experience the manifestation of what you ask for in benevolent ways.

The more of you who make this choice to reestablish your identity and residency with the Natural World, the more of you will be visible to those who have need to see the benevolence of this new choice demonstrated in form, and the more rapidly you will transform your world. Thank you for inviting our participation in this way.

[Note: This channeled post is in response to the question posed at the end of "Telephone Call from Another Planet"]

Telephone Call from Another Planet

2006-06-14T00:23:00.000-07:00

I received a call last week from a professional friend on another planet. Actually, that's not true. I'm the one on the other planet now. My past (and its cast of characters) is apparently still on Earth, successfully humming along without me.

The reason I even bring it up now is because of a most unusual and noticeable feeling I had in my body while communicating over the phone with this person. Initially it was shock, then outright panic as I searched for the proper interface originally designed to communicate with those in the 'professional' realm. As you may have guessed, I used to have a professional life - a software program that I haven't run for some time, due to the fact that, well... I needed a break.

Did you ever see that old TV game show from the 60's, "To Tell the Truth"? I feel that I've been playing a slightly different version of this game over the last 20 years. They had a famous line at the end of the show - after the celebrities had asked a series of questions and ultimately had to guess which person was telling the truth. My version of this question is, "Will the real self please stand up?"

I see it this way: With each role or program in my past - whether it be friend, daughter, sister, wife, roommate, singer, co-worker, etc., there is a corresponding image that I handed over to all the participants during the time that I played that role. These 'others' accepted the image, added a bit of their own embellishments to it, and together we ran this program fairly successfully. Well... I find that things run well if one consistently meets the expectations of others, as well as one's own, in that specific environment. I was far from consistent, and I noticed that generally speaking most people don't like unexpected program changes from their friends, family and coworkers. At the end of the show my real self would stand up, 'tell the truth', and need to move on.

"Why do you need to do THAT Eileen? Why can't you just be happy with the way things are? This is how the world works! Everyone does it this way. You have so much to be grateful for. Don't rock the boat!"

Indeed. I always had much to be grateful for. [grate•ful ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: from obsolete grate 'pleasing, agreeable'] But what happens when the user has a transformational experience, coming into direct contact with the Universal System which demonstrates the PLEASING experience of oneness thereby canceling out all known human definitions of 'pleasing and agreeable'? It is a quandary, I dare say.

What happens is, even if you try you cannot maintain an alignment with the current platform anymore; operating systems crash and you withdraw to ponder it all - the Source, the Universal System. Instantly we are transported to a vast spherical existence, well beyond the more familiar, linearly-coded one. It is here, if we do indeed continue to wake up each morning, that we MUST completely recreate ourselves in order to maintain our existence in form.

So you see, when I receive a call from the past under these contemplative circumstances, I may as well be in my mother's body in the 1950's with my best girlfriend on the other end of the line inviting me out to the soda shop 'cause that new boy with the dreamy eyes will be there'. "...All the other girls are going", she sings out. "Make sure you wear that fab new poodle skirt with the pink scarf!"

Get the picture? I've got zero reference with that self or that environment. It's not even from my life! I want to respond, but I can't seem to re-call the original image, the program, or any file that fits the situation - as if it's on some external hard drive, stored in some distant solar system. And while I'm desperately searching for it, my body protests with a general nausea and malaise - strongly objecting to my emergency efforts to return to the confines of an outdated, unhealthy, inaccurate and ineffective presentation of the self. It is an awkward feeling when you can't access your old files, and because there's a real person waiting on the other end of the phone you feel compelled to react instantaneously. My friend asked me a simple business question that would have been a piece of cake for my old self, but I ended up sounding like an idiot whose brain and mouth were seized, separated, and taken hostage to opposite ends of the universe.

"Yeah... um... sure... poodle skirt?"

It's the 'point of no return' when you realize that your old operating system, originally designed to interact with the so-called 'Real World', is completely dysfunctional and useless. Why do we need these interfaces in the first place? I imagine it is because there is too much of a perceived distance between the BIG system and the smaller little programs, an insurmountable language barrier, or an outright belief that we can't just be ONE with the Universal System to begin with, let alone provide meaningful and valuable service to ourselves as well as others while in this state. Or perhaps it's because we've been wrong all along in our definition of the 'Real World'. Is the 'Real World' humanity's own creation in time and space that has a repetitive looping interface with itself and remains oblivious to its original Source? Or is the 'Real World' all that is in the beginning, and into eternity - long before and after any human ever conceived of writing code?

While I am comforted by the fact that others seem to be going through this phenomenon as well, rapidly transforming their lives into more truthful and benevolent ones, the alone-ness that one may experience in this operating-system crash can be painful at times. I liken it now to the labor pains that precede the birth or the restart of the REAL SELF in the REAL WORLD - where the design for life is ONE with all life - no programming required.

Question for benevolent guidance: I feel like I've created a whole new self and literally reside in a new world now, where I experience peace, creativity, and fulfillment on a daily basis. Words cannot describe how really wonderful this is - until someone or something appears from my past, demanding the presence of an old self to return and meet expectations. Any practical advice on staying in and speaking from the present orientation of self under these circumstances?

It's Only Natural!

2006-06-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

I was doing a bit of research today for my ongoing book project and came across a transcription for a channeling I did in Santa Fe, New Mexico last year. I do welcome (and sometimes require!) encouraging and supportive words from these angelic beings in order to 'keep on keeping on' with this work. I thought I'd share excerpts from this session that made me feel more comforted about what the heck is happening in this changing self and changing world!

Shalumai - Group Session 09/25/05
Unedited with added [clarification] in brackets

We are here now to assist human in recalling their natural self - not as words, not as concepts, but as actual experiential feeling in form. You have been involved in an experiment of sorts. You have decided to create the experience of being separate from everything else. That is a very simplified way of putting this, and you have used the intellect in which to do this. You have created a mental dream and you are projecting your identities into this dream. At this time, the dream is dissolving away. You are seeing evidence of this in your world now, in your current events. This is not due to the angels or the ETs or God or Goddess saying, "Sorry. Time's up! You are not permitted to have your dream anymore!" It is not that at all. Rather, this that you are watching in your outer world dissolving away is [happening] because you have withdrawn your allegiance to this dream, to a degree that you see evidence of it in your everyday world, your everyday life - not only in a personal sense, but in your collective activities as well. This is the timing that is designed ahead of time to reintroduce the wholeness of your being. You have the most extraordinary opportunity now to step into the wholeness of your being, to step into the golden self, to step into your grail self. Yes, this is referred to as the feminine energy. It is referred to at times as kundalini. It is magnetic in nature.

We are here at this time to assist humans in taking that next step, for we will be working with those... we will be drawing into the circle here those beings who have been working, opening their eyes, realizing that there is more [here] than the dream! And you have all been very creative in the ways that you have set yourself up to awaken. And we congratulate you for being here at this time, for being in that state of knowingness. You know that it is time. You know that there are more possibilities for living a benevolent and fulfilling life than you ever thought possible. You are getting glimpses now, are you not? The dilemma now, as we see it, is that you do not fully realize in this moment that you are creators... in training, I might add. You have these abilities available to you right now, and yet you find yourselves experimenting with that a bit, playing around with it saying, 'Oh could this be? Could I actually manifest something? Oh no!" And many times you find yourself falling back into the old patterns, which I might add are a lot more painful now when you do slip. Is this not true in your experience? You are not giving yourselves permission to lolly-gag around in those places and in those ways that no longer serve you, so you create the idea of pain and illness and accident, confusion. These are the signs that show, that announce, to all of the beings that peek into your world at this time, that you are awakening! You are taught to judge yourselves and condemn yourselves for these creations, these creations of pain and illness. My dear friends, this is what you have designed [for yourselves] to awaken at this time. I am here to encourage you with the idea and the knowing that you do not need to hang out in these places for long, for there is enough of the balancing energy, enough of the supportive, benevolent energies now that are present here for you to invite into your lives to support you in creating the lives that you wish to create at this time.

Now many of you have changed a great deal so you are not necessarily wanting to live out the dreams that you used to have - dreams in this sense of what you would like to create in your lives. It is a timing now to let go of all of the pain, all of the suffering, and even all of the hopes and wishes that were attached to the old being - the being you are letting go, for you are walking across this bridge now into your new self, and you are supported in doing this. You are not alone. Many of you have more than likely felt very alone at times. It is learning to become conscious in the moment of what you need...what you are feeling...what you need and then asking for what you need. It is as simple as that. It is a matter of choice. If you wish to stay in pain because you feel there are more messages there, there is no judgment there either. You stay where you need to stay to receive the gifts that you need to receive and then you will know when it is time to be more fully yourself, for your future selves are now blending with you - your natural self, your source self, but only if this self is consciously invited in to live the life. This being meets you in the present moment. This being that you are cannot find you when you live in the past or when you live in the future. This light self finds you in the present moment. Present moment can be accessed through pain - or [through] joy, laughter, and ecstasy.

So the Natural World is ready and willing at this time to demonstrate to you what it feels like to be that natural being that you are. This will open doorways within you so that you know within your body what this feels like. You will have a resonant identification with this so that you will have something to build upon as you practice in your world, in what you have created here, to be a natural being. This is a reversal of sorts - as you know - and it need not be painful and confusing if you are willing to open and welcome these natural energies back into your consciousness. Much of what you will feel is in the body. I cannot stress this enough. These are NOT ideas. You have been conditioned from day one to NOT feel. Feeling is how you will KNOW in these times, when you watch your [dream] world crumbling. Are you bringing the balance back in to your life so that you can hear, you can see, you can smell, touch, taste? Do you see? You are inviting your Divine senses back into your experience here, on Earth.

My Unscholarly Translation

2006-06-09T15:11:00.000-07:00

Over the past few weeks I was hearing "Gospel of Thomas" every time I walked by the neighborhood bookstore. In most cases, it takes a awhile for these kinds of messages to ring through, but thankfully the messenger doesn't give up easily - initiating contact softly and gently, then increasing in feeling-hearing volume with each call. I have also found that consistent and delightful spiritual treasure lands in my lap as a result of listening and responding to them.

Now understand that I am not a practicing Christian. I'm not a practicing anything in terms of religion, though I do find myself inspired by wise words - no matter the source. So the other day I finally entered the store, acquired and then read over the course of two days, "The Gospel of Thomas", Translated and Annotated by Stevan Davies. I must say that while I appreciate Mr. Davies' work very much, I didn't feel particularly aligned with all of his comments. I also remain sensitive to the fact that there are other interpretations available as there were quite a few 'Gospel of Thomas' books on the shelves by various authors. I have not read anything other than Mr. Davies' work on the topic - scholarly or otherwise. The following sayings from the referenced book are ones that I took a particular interest in, wondered about, and eventually forgot... for awhile anyway.

Reference Saying 11c: [Jesus said] When you ate dead things, you made them alive. When you arrive into light, what will you do?

which also relates to Saying 111a:

[Jesus said] The Earth and Sky will roll up right in front of you. Anyone living from the living will not die.

Stevan Davies had this to say in regard to 11c, "such sayings support a vegetarian criticism of meat-eating, because eating "dead things" or animal flesh seems to be a practice that is ended when one begins to live from the living." [pg. 10, para 4]

My first thought after reading the above quotation was this: When we sit down for a meal to consume our salad and veggies, I do believe at this stage these once-thriving life forms could be considered 'dead' as well. In other words, they are no longer planted in the ground, and no longer growing and sustained by the Life Force. And to me this felt important to note.

Of course as long as we are translating within the context of food and eating, I'd also like to throw in the contradictory and more familiar statement by Jesus. In the 'Gospel of Thomas' it is noted as Saying 14c; in the Book of Matthew (15:11): For what goes into your mouth will not defile you, but what comes out of your mouth can defile you. This statement seems pretty clear.

I received a vision-feeling this morning that I 'knew' to be related to Saying 11c (and others). I did not ask for this, it came as a result of dialoging my feelings this morning. As I have noted in earlier writings about this talking-my feelings-out-loud process, the clearing of personal feelings seems to make way for Divine Feeing and Knowing. At times it is an exceedingly grand new understanding, and sometimes it comes in to fill a vacuum left behind from a mild curiosity or question mark in my life - no matter how mundane it is! In this particular sitting, after the last personal feeling was acknowledged and neutralized - like misbehaving children who have been truly seen, heard and appreciated - all became very quiet and peaceful. The widening and receptive state was palpable as I sat and awaited the arrival of Wisdom in the present moment. Soon the energy in my body and consciousness increased into the ecstatic range, which contained a feeling-image message.

I became aware of myself as a withered, dead flower lying flattened on the earth - bereft of all energy and purpose - not unlike the human state of depression in which I have had the displeasure of knowing from time to time. But soon I felt the growing ecstatic rush of life force energy, and still from the perspective of the flower, I began to expand and stand erect once again. In a very short time I went from death to feeling fully plugged in and radiant. In this state, I was completely fed, not only by the elements, but by a liquid light that seemed to have preceded All of Creation and had given birth to my flowering self, the soil, the sun, and all of the Natural World. In the vision I was restored. I was completely natural, therefore one with all of the Natural World. I must add that the ever-expanding joy in these states is almost unbearable. This may sound strange, I know, but in my experience with this frequency I have found that it takes a while to adapt to, own, or embody that which I feel IS Creator's Love (what I have affectionately named 'Big Giant Love' - not confined by the social mores and limiting context of human relationship).

Contained within these feelings and images was the message that this is our natural identity. When one is One, there is no longing, no desire, no hunger. Conversely, when we feel separate from, or 'many', we seek and feed on all else that perceives itself to be separate from. Even our animals (and some plants!) mirror our hungering, stalking, attacking, consuming behaviors in order to survive in this imbalanced state of creation. In assuming our top-of-the-food-chain status, I do believe we may have set that ball in motion.

So to answer Jesus' question, "When you arrive into light, what will you do?" I believe the feeling answer to this is that once you arrive into this state there is no more doing based on past identifications with fear, lack and separation. When we are restored to our true nature in the present moment, we are fed. Period. It is not something that we have to think about. Rather, I believe that Jesus-as-teacher may have been asking us to reach for this state in our imagination. Could he have been asking, "When you are restored to your fullness, and everyone and everything in the world is fed, what will you create from this complete state of Love?"

Sadly, it is a pretty big reach for most of us in the western world, when it seems that ALL of our energy and activity is founded on the belief that 'there is not enough' and 'I've got to get mine'. So with that belief obliterated, what do we 'do'? I don't know about you, but I rather like where this stretch of the imagination takes us.

Finally, in Saying 3a, [Jesus said] If your leaders say to you, "Look The Kingdom is in the sky!" then the birds will be there before you are. If they say that the Kingdom is in the sea, then the fish will be there before you are. Rather, the Kingdom is within you and it is outside of you.

The Kingdom IS the active state of equilibrium and wholeness. The Kingdom is within AND it is outside of us. All that is natural on Earth extends out from the Kingdom and is an expression of divine beauty, grace, and love - in form and action. I believe that Jesus, in referring to the 'outside', was acknowledging the Natural World, as well as all of our creations that come into form when one is firmly 'planted within' the natural state. The Kingdom is not person, place or thing. It is the stuff of life or Creator in all things. Therefore, all the Earth and Sky could roll up in front of us and we would not die, because the outer world is not our Source! Also interesting to note from Jesus' illustrated statement is the fact that he is not inferring any movement from one place to another to achieve this transformation, i.e. ascension into the distant upward locale of 'heaven'. He is specifically indicating that we are 'in place' in the Kingdom right now, departing for nowhere, and it is the Earth and Sky that roll up in front of us!

Further implication is that when humans arrive into the light, it is essentially the light swallowing up the dead - the dead being those who have perceived themselves and created their lives out of the mis-perception that they are disconnected from the Source. And this is mirrored in the case of humans eating dead, disconnected things and bringing them to life again through the digestive process.

I physically felt all of this with the visionary experience of being a dead flower brought back to life. And this was followed by the very real feeling and knowing that I was plugged back into the present-moment Source, where all of my needs are met without asking, without praying. No need for such things in Oneness!

While I didn't catch the drift on all of Jesus' sayings in their rendered
"Gospel of Thomas" form, I felt inspired by what I was able to perceive: Humans who have forgotten their connection to All can be restored and live fully again in the light.

I feel that love. I feel that light. But due to the fact that I'm still presenting within the dualistic framing of THAT love and THAT light, it suggests that I am not fully planted in it. I am filled with gratitude when I do feel and experience it though, which is the ultimate motivation to continue to welcome the fullness and grace of the eternal Now Presence in every waking moment.

And while suspended in this rather peculiar in-between existence, I continue to be a guilt-free, protein-demanding meat eater. And I give thanks to all of the animals AND plants who continue to sustain me until I fully KNOW the Truth - thereby setting these beloved creatures AND myself free.

IED? MFR - My First Rant

2006-06-07T11:09:00.000-07:00

According to our health professionals, we have a new disorder. It's called IED - Intermittent Explosive Disorder.

Folks. I'm no doctor, but paleeeez.

From ChinaDaily.com

"The findings show the little-studied disorder is much more common than previously thought, said lead author Ronald Kessler, a health care policy professor at Harvard Medical School."

"...the findings also confirm that for most people, the difficulties associated with the disorder begin during childhood or adolescence, and they often have a profound and ongoing impact on the person's life." --Dr. David Fassler, Psychiatry Professor, University of Vermont

"People think it's bad behavior and that you just need an attitude adjustment, but what they don't know ... is that there's a biology and cognitive science to this," said Dr. Emil Coccaro, chairman of psychiatry at the University of Chicago's medical school.

Cognitive science? Here's my crack at a scientific formula:

Newborn child + parent's stuffed feelings + childhood conditioning to stuff feelings + educational conditioning to stuff feelings + workplace encouragement to stuff feelings + religious suggestion to stuff feelings + media conditioning to stuff feelings + mental health professionals naming eruption of stuffed feelings a treatable disorder = INSANITY, or

'Damn Unnatural Human', otherwise known as DUH!)

Cognate that.

Oh. Sorry. I forgot. In order to grok this formula one must recognize 'Un-stuffed Feeling Condition' - a rare and unusual condition that seems to result from the encouragement of feelings. People with this condition have been known to be regularly open and honest with their feelings thereby creating recurrent disturbances in the field of conformity. And beware. There is an unpredictable element with this condition - intermittent bursts of creativity, laughter and euphoria.